When the janitor in the orthopedic shoes came out of the dayroom door pushing the mop bucket, she nearly wept. What if Eddie had been fired after all? What if he’d moved away or been run over by a car? Or maybe he decided not to get involved. Maybe he requested a transfer to another ward. No. She had to stop being so paranoid. Either he had the day off or he was working in another building, that was all. With any luck, he was on his way to Willowbrook with Alan. The two of them could be in Dr. Baldwin’s office at that very moment, explaining the situation and giving him hell.
After parking the cart in the dayroom, she sat in the far corner and tried to make herself invisible. Thankfully, the other residents left her alone for the most part, but every now and then someone tried to talk to her, or picked at her hair and pulled at her clothes. When that happened, she kept quiet and waited for them to go away, afraid she’d say or do something to set them off and get punched or slapped or kicked. Thankfully, Norma stayed away from her too, and so far she hadn’t snitched on Sage for destroying her pills. At least she didn’t think she had. She thought briefly about asking Wayne if he knew where Eddie was, but decided against it.
During the long, horrible hours of uncertainty, she survived by closing her eyes, putting her hands over her ears, and pretending she was somewhere else. She thought about her father—about going to South Beach with him and Rosemary, the sea-green water foaming on the sand, the sun a dazzling high point in the sky. She could see her dad, tall and tanned in his swimming trunks, chasing them through the waves. And Rosemary, building a sandcastle with a moat and a railing and windows made out of seashells. She thought about piggyback rides, picking out toys at yard sales, and riding her banana-seat bike to Farrell’s Ice Cream Parlour. She imagined sitting in the darkened theater at Lane Theater waiting for the movie to start, breathing in the smell of fresh popcorn. She remembered curling up on the couch to watch The Brady Bunch, downing root beers at the A&W, dancing and going out for pizza with her friends.
The memories helped until she was forced back to reality to eat ground-up mush or avoid a conflict with another resident. Each time she had to pull herself from inside her head to reenter the cruel abomination of Willowbrook, and the realization that Eddie might not help after all, a desperate sadness swept over her, so profound it made tears swell in her eyes and she felt physically ill. It nearly tore her to pieces.
When Wayne strolled over to her later that afternoon with a shit-eating grin on his face, she barely had the willpower to face him.
“Your boyfriend wants to see you again,” he said. “You two are really getting hot and heavy these days, aren’t you?”
With that, overwhelming relief loosened her tense muscles and adrenaline revived her spirit, but she said nothing. She kept her eyes on the floor and waited for him to go away.
But instead of leaving, he reached down, his fingers grazing her cheek, and lifted her chin. “How about you share a little more of that sugar with me before he comes back?”
She slapped his hand away. “Get away from me,” she said, then jumped up and got behind the chair.
He moved closer and pushed the chair into her legs, herding her back into a corner. “Oh, come on now,” he said. “Eddie’s just a boy. I’ll remind you what it’s like to be with a real man. You liked it last time. You liked it a lot. I can take you to our secret place again, or we can just do it right here. Nobody’ll even notice.”
Gripping the back of the chair, she pressed herself into the corner, her knuckles turning white. “Leave me alone or I’ll scream.”
He laughed. “You think anyone is gonna pay attention to screaming in this place? Scream all you want.” He tore the chair out from between them, grabbed her shirt, and yanked her toward him, his laughter replaced by something fiercer, blacker.
She pounded on him with her fists, hitting his rock-hard face and chest and shoulders. “Let me go!”
A strange mix of fury and glee twisted his face. “So you want to play rough this time, huh?” he said, catching her arm in his plank-thick hand. He started to wrench it behind her back, but she pulled away and ran, nearly tripping over a girl on the floor. He pushed the residents out of his way and chased after her.
“I love it when you play hard to get,” he shouted.
She raced toward the cubicle, zigzagging and fighting her way through the ever-shifting crowd. If she could get to the phone before Wayne caught up to her, maybe she could call for help. Then the dayroom door opened and Eddie entered. She hurried toward him. Wayne slowed his pursuit, then stopped and laughed. He grabbed a girl who was banging her fists against her head and made her sit on the floor.
“He tried to attack me,” Sage said when she reached Eddie, breathing hard.
“Who did? Wayne?”
She nodded, still shaking. “He said he’d take me to a secret place, just like Norma said.”
Eddie’s face went hard. He yanked off his work gloves and marched over to Wayne, who was trying to stop two girls from pulling each other’s hair. Eddie pointed at him and said something. Sage was too far away to hear, but it looked like he was giving Wayne a piece of his mind. Wayne seemed amused. He let go of the girls, crossed his massive arms over his chest, and smirked down at Eddie. Sage held her breath and waited for one of them to take a swing. If they got in a fight, it might send the other residents into a frenzy. And if Eddie got hurt or fired, he wouldn’t be able to help her. She started toward them, desperate to defuse the situation.
Then, to her surprise, Wayne ruffled Eddie’s hair and laughed. He looked up and saw her coming, then winked at her, clapped Eddie on the shoulder, and walked away, still grinning.
Eddie met Sage halfway across the room, anger creasing his forehead. “Let me know if he bothers you again,” he said.
“What did you say to him?”
“That I’d go to my uncle and find a way to get him fired if he got anywhere near you again.”
Near the door, Wayne started shouting orders at the residents, telling them to grab wheelchairs and carts and get ready to return to the ward. A mass of residents started toward him all at once, like a sudden outgoing tide, rushing by and tumbling into Sage and Eddie. Suddenly, a woman with whisper-thin hair grabbed Eddie’s wrist.
“Take me with you,” she said.
Eddie shook his head and gently pulled away.
“Please,” the woman begged. “I need to go. It’s time for me to leave.”
“I’m sorry,” he said. “Go away.”
The woman turned, a sad look on her face, and shuffled toward the door.
“I hate it when they do that,” he said.
“Do what?” she said.
“Ask me to sneak them out of here. They ask all of us, really, the other janitors, and the laundry workers too.”
So she was right. The residents asked him for help all the time. A rush of fear washed over her. What if he was just being agreeable because he liked Rosemary? He said Rosemary was “nice,” but that didn’t mean he’d risk his job or get in trouble with his uncle for her, much less for Sage. “When you didn’t show up earlier, I thought you’d changed your mind about helping me.”
“Sorry, I had to cover someone’s shift over in House Eight.”