Dr. Baldwin fixed weary eyes on her. “I want you to know I’m sorry about everything that happened here. I meant no harm to you or anyone else. I thought I was doing the right thing. And as soon as I get Rosemary’s death certificate from the coroner, I’ll send it to your stepfather and add a copy to her file.”
Maybe it was her imagination, but the remorse in his voice sounded phony. Considering he was a man who allowed so many to suffer under his watch, his deceit didn’t surprise her, but she could also tell he was scared. Scared of what would happen when word got out about the murders. Scared of what she might do to him for keeping her there against her will. Maybe she could sue him for everything he was worth. She wanted to ask if that was all he had to say to her, but she didn’t have the energy. She just wanted to go home. Knowing he was afraid would have to be enough—for now.
Changing the subject, Baldwin turned to Nolan and said, “You wanted to see Wayne’s employee record?”
“Yes, I need his address.”
Baldwin looked at Sergeant Clark to make sure he wouldn’t grab his gun again, then stood and went to the black filing cabinets behind him and pulled open one of the drawers.
While the doctor’s back was turned, Nolan dropped his cigarette butt into the cold cup of coffee on Baldwin’s desk.
After a quick search, Dr. Baldwin pulled out a folder, sat back down, and opened it. As he thumbed through the papers inside, he wrinkled his brow, his face getting redder by the second.
“Is there a problem, Doctor?” Detective Nolan said.
“I’m afraid so,” Baldwin said. “Wayne Myers’s employee record is missing.”
CHAPTER 20
By the time Sage was officially released, the pale sun had dropped lower in the sky, and the gray clouds from earlier had been replaced by the deep, cold blue of the coming winter dusk. Dr. Baldwin had called Alan earlier to tell him about Rosemary, but got no answer, which was no surprise. He was probably at work—unless he’d skipped town and left her without a place to live. Maybe he was shacked up with some floozy or still fishing with Larry, which seemed unlikely but would have been fine by her. She’d give anything to have a few days alone in the apartment before she had to deal with him.
Standing next to Detective Nolan inside the main foyer of the administration building, watching for the cop car that would finally take her home, she felt like a hundred years had passed since she had come through the same doors looking for Rosemary. When the black and white car finally pulled up to the curb, she choked back tears. She was actually leaving Willowbrook. She started to open the door, then hesitated and looked up at Detective Nolan.
“Thank you for listening to me,” she said, her voice catching.
“No problem, kiddo. I’d take you home myself, but I still need to talk to Dr. Hammond and Eddie King.”
“I know,” she said. “But I’ll be fine. Tell Eddie thanks for me, will you?”
He nodded. “Sure thing. Just stick around the island, okay? We’ll need to talk to you again in the next couple of days.” He dug in his jacket pocket and handed her a card with his name and phone number. “And give me a call if you need anything or remember anything that might help, okay?”
She nodded, pushed open the door, and walked out of Willowbrook. She stopped briefly on the top step and took a deep breath, never more grateful to be outside in the fresh air. Somehow, it seemed as though she could smell everything—the cold wetness of the snow and the earthy aroma of bare tree limbs, even the pavement on the roads. A cool breeze caressed her face, bringing with it the noises of traffic in the distance, engines running, tires humming, horns honking. More tears sprang to her eyes as she went down the stone steps, hurried along the sidewalk, and climbed into the back of the cop car without looking back. The cop in the front briefly put his hand to his nose as if smelling something bad, then looked at her in the rearview mirror.
“I’m Officer Minor,” he said. “You doing all right?”
She nodded, wondering why he’d put his hand to his nose. Then she realized she probably smelled bad. Dr. Baldwin had called someone in laundry to bring her a clean outfit—a flowered dress and a pair of brown leather shoes that looked like they belonged to someone’s grandmother—and she had thrown out her filthy underwear and bra, but she was still wearing the coat from Eddie, which was stained with dirt and blood and shit, and her hair was matted and filthy.
“Detective Nolan said you’re going to Greenway Apartments over in Mariners Harbor,” the cop said. “Is that right?”
“Yes.”
“Okay. You got it.” He put the car in gear and drove away from the administration building.
She sat back in the seat and gazed out the window, praying the officer wouldn’t try to make conversation. She had nothing to say and no energy to say it. She just wanted to go home. Outside the car window, the row of bare willow trees along the frozen stream bent toward the earth as if hanging their heads in shame for being part of the beautiful campus that hid Willowbrook’s terrible secrets. Then came the brick houses with swing sets and monkey bars outside, and Sage looked away, unable to stop thinking about the young children living tortured lives behind those dark walls.
When Officer Minor drove the vehicle into the wooded area between the campus and the main gate, she thought back to the day she’d arrived. It seemed like another lifetime ago, when she had been another person. Gone were the days of caring about hairstyles and the latest fashions, or worrying about who was dating who and keeping up with the most popular music. How could she ever look at life the same way again?
If only she’d stayed on the bus that day. If only she’d swallowed her pride, gone back home, and asked Heather and Dawn for help. Except, except . . . She had wanted to save her sister more than anything in the world. She’d wanted to find out where she was and make everything up to her, to apologize for not knowing she’d been sent away, for not coming to see her, and for not helping her get better. She’d been naïve and hopeful and bold. How could she fault herself for that?
Or maybe she’d just been stupid.
As they passed through the rest of the woods, she remembered how she’d thought of her father that day too, how he would have loved all the trees and wildlife, how he never would have sent Rosemary away. What would he think if he knew one of his daughters was dead? What would he think if he knew all the agony Rosemary had suffered? Surely he would be furious and heartbroken. If only she knew where to find him.
Then she remembered Alan. How was she going to face him after what he’d done? How was she going to live in the same apartment?
She took a deep breath and tried to clear her thoughts. Right now she needed a shower, a change of clothes, and sleep. She was on her way home and that was enough. She would figure everything else out later. Like how she would deal with Alan, if he was still around. How she would tell her friends what happened. How she would find the strength to go on living a normal life.
When they passed the guardhouse at Willowbrook’s main gate, the guard gave them a friendly wave, like a carnival worker outside a haunted ride, smiling to hide the horrors inside. Then a sudden realization hit her. At least she was getting out. At least she had a chance to live a normal life. The days and weeks ahead might be difficult, but they would be nothing compared to what Rosemary and the thousands of poor souls locked inside Willowbrook suffered day after day after day. They never stood a chance. She wiped her flooding eyes. How could life be so unfair? How could God let anyone, let alone innocent children, live lives full of nothing but suffering? It was incomprehensible.