“How would I have known that?” Breezy. “I’m not psychic. Not like I knew we’d be finding a dead body in my office.”
The expression in his eyes chilled her. “Did you know she was dead before I got there?”
“You’re the one who found the body, remember?”
“I can’t fucking help you if you won’t tell me the truth!” A snarl. Not loud and angry. Low. Deadly for its softness.
And her response was the same as something broke inside of her. “And I can’t tell you the truth if I don’t trust you! If I don’t know that you will take my side no matter what happens.” Alice gasped as she heard the words she’d just uttered. Overstep. Way, big, major overstep. She wished that she could pull those words back but wishes never did anything. She knew. Once upon a time, she’d made a thousand wishes. None of them had ever come true.
She wanted off that counter.
“Before you told me…” His voice was still low. “You said that you didn’t like to sleep with men you didn’t trust.”
Yes, she had told him that.
“Yet you fucked me anyway.”
Alice flinched.
He noted the movement. A faint furrow appeared between his brows. “Want to tell me why?”
“Because I felt like fucking.” That sounded good. Heartless. “So I broke my rule. Silly me. Now if you could give a lady some space—”
“Want to tell me why my words just hurt you? Because I really don’t like it when you hurt. Makes me feel pretty savage if you want the truth. And the fact that I just hurt you…” A grim nod. “Makes me fucking mad at myself.”
This was…more honesty than she’d expected. But it was just her and Saint. No one else to hear. No one else to see…Maybe it was time to be honest. To be raw. “Maybe I wanted it to be more than fucking. So if I didn’t fuck you, if it was something more, then I didn’t break any rules, did I?”
“Alice…”
“Donovan Eldridge was so charming to everyone he met. He knew how to work a room. How to have everyone eating out of the palm of his hand.” Too much honesty. But it was too late to stop. “He knew how to charm a dumb nineteen-year-old who’d never been to public school and who was so desperate to have someone love her. He knew all the right things to say and do, and before she knew it, he was controlling her life. Telling her what to wear. How to act. Telling her that she would only belong to him. Telling her that no matter what, she would never, ever get away.”
In her mind, Alice could suddenly see the ravine that haunted her. Her feet skirted near the edge. The rocks slid over. Fell below. If she stepped much closer to the edge, she’d go over, too. She’d fall and fall…
Like Donovan had fallen?
“Alice?”
Her eyes squeezed shut, but that just made the image of the ravine stronger. Sharper. “That girl thought he wanted to love her, but he really wanted to own her, and she realized that—that she didn’t want to be owned by anyone. Definitely not someone who liked to hurt her a little too much.”
She knew why she was talking. Why she was telling him this when she’d held back from everyone else for so long. Because Saint had picked up on her weakness without realizing it. He’d said…said he didn’t want to hurt her…
Saint’s words played through her mind once more. “Want to tell me why my words just hurt you? Because I really don’t like it when you hurt. Makes me feel pretty savage if you want the truth. And the fact that I just hurt you…Makes me fucking mad at myself.”
Her mouth had gone dry. Maybe she did need more wine. “Donovan didn’t get mad when he hurt me. I think he liked it.”
“Alice, are you telling me that sonofabitch was abusing you?” Rage burned in each word.
“Tracy was disturbed.” Was. Past tense. Because Tracy was dead. “So was Donovan.” Was. Past tense. Because no one got to enjoy hurting her. No one laughed while she cried. No one.
Because she would be no one’s victim. Not ever again.
“I will fucking kill him.” Guttural.
Oh, such a lovely sentiment but…
Too late, I already did. But she managed to hold that part back. It was too much. If she said the words, there would be no taking them back. If he learned her deep, dark secret, Saint could destroy her.
Sharing session—over. Besides, Saint wouldn’t understand.
Or…would he?
I need him to choose me. I need him to say screw it to everything else and just choose me. No matter what I’ve done.
Why in the world was she still making desperate wishes? Almost as if she was a scared teen again.
“You think he’s the stalker?” Saint asked, voice rough and growling with his rage. “You think he’s been hiding all these years, watching you, waiting? Making sure you don’t get close to anyone else?”
She shook her head. No, she did not think that Donovan was stalking her.
The faint lines near Saint’s mouth tightened. “You think your stalker eliminated him, too?”
Again, a small shake of her head. She knew for a fact that her stalker hadn’t killed Donovan.
“Talk to me.” His hand rose. His fingers slid under her jaw. “I want to keep you safe. I have to know what I’m up against.”
“I’m not a serial killer.” He’d called her that, once.
A furrow appeared between his brows. “Baby…”
“Maybe Logan was right. Maybe you should go. Maybe you should get far away from me.”
He didn’t move. The rough calluses on the edges of his fingertips slid over her cheek. “I’m not going any place.”
Wasn’t that one of the reasons she’d given in to her need for him? Because he knew how to fight back? “I agree to the deal.”
Now he looked confused. “What deal?”
“You wanted us to work together to find out who the real killer is. The person who—who took out the others. I’ll do it. I’ll take the deal. We can work together.” Her words came too fast. But they had to do this. No more. “I don’t like this game. I’ve played it too long. I want it to stop.”
His hand fell away from her face. He took a step back. One, then another.
Not the reaction she’d wanted. Dammit, she’d have to lay herself bare for him. “Please,” Alice said.
A hard shake of his head. “No.”
Her heart dropped.
“No, you don’t fucking beg anyone for anything, understand? Not you, Alice. That’s just not you.”
“You…that means you’ll work with me?”
He reached out—
She tensed.
But he just lifted a wine glass. Downed the wine in an instant. “I’m not just working with you. We’re stopping the bastard.” His eyes promised hell. “I meant what I said before. If I have to put him in the ground for you, I will. That’s a promise.”
Chapter Ten
He’d just offered to kill for her.
Saint grabbed the edges of the counter and held tightly to them. Rage boiled inside of him. He’d held his control in place all freaking day. Maintained it through the interrogation, through the pack of reporters but now…