Me? I stare at the blood dripping from the knife. So taking a life is this easy and quick.
A nanosecond of slicing a throat is enough to end it all.
Why the fuck did I struggle so much back then? Why didn’t I let it end so…easily?
“Creighton!”
My red vision shifts focus to my brother, who still has the jacket against Nikolai’s neck as his head drops sideways, eyes barely open.
“Release him. He needs to go to the hospital.” He glares at Lan. “Couldn’t you bring Gareth? Why did you have to take this crazy prick?’
My cousin lifts a shoulder. “He insulted me.”
My movements are sure and detached as I cut the ropes. Eli knots the jacket around Nikolai’s neck for the time being. Once the bindings are gone, he carries him outside.
Jeremy tries to follow, but Lan shoves him against the wall. “We’re not done with you yet, Heathen.”
“The fuck are you waiting for?” He glares at me instead of my cousin. “Want to kill me? Want to avenge your pathetic family? Your weak father who couldn’t protect you? Your criminal mother who wanted to kill you? Do it. I’m right here, so fucking do it.”
I storm toward him, wrench him from Lan’s grip and shove him against the wall, my elbow and the knife at his throat. “You think I’m avenging those fucking losers? I couldn’t give a fuck about them, their makeshift family, or their rotten world. This vengeance isn’t about them, it’s about me. I was the fallout of the whole situation that no one thought about. I was the one who was left starving, thirsty, and with no destiny but to die. I didn’t crawl out of that hellhole to let bygones be bygones.”
“If you don’t let go of that grudge, you’re going to die at the end of this,” Jeremy says calmly, assertively. “One way or another, whether it’s at the hand of my father, his guards, or his friends. You’ll be killed in the most brutal way possible and lose the life you fought so hard for.”
“At least I’d get closure.”
Lan raises a hand from his position against the wall. “I vote for closure.”
My knife presses closer to Jeremy’s neck. He attempts to kick me but misses when I tighten my grip.
“Anoushka will hate you,” he murmurs.
“Not more than I already hate her.”
And myself for allowing her to have this hold on me.
I hate her for coming into my life, destroying my plans, and somehow still tugging at a strange part of me.
Even now. As I threaten Jeremy, I can’t forget that he’s her fucking brother.
“What the fuck? What the actual fuck?” Remi’s bewildered voice comes from the entrance. “Is that blood? Like real blood? Is this what you meant by an emergency, Anni? What—”
I throw a glance over my shoulder to tell Remi to fuck off but freeze when my eyes meet Annika’s.
Hers are glittery, rounded, and caught in a stupefied faze.
For the first time since I’ve known her, she’s not in one of her purple dresses and is sporting jeans and an oversized hoodie instead.
Her hair is covered by the hood and she’s shaking from head to toe.
“The fuck are you doing here?” Jeremy yells. “Leave!”
She purses her lips and still manages to maintain eye contact with me. It’s steady, like when it gets to be too much during sex, but I tell her to keep her eyes on me and it instantly calms her down.
Why the fuck am I thinking about that?
“Creighton…please stop. We can talk about this whole thing.”
“You’re aware of this?” I ask, unable to hide the bewilderment from my tone.
“M-Mom…just told me.” Her lips quiver. “I’m so sorry for all of it. Mom is, too. I swear. So please don’t hurt Jeremy. He has nothing to do with the past.”
My insides coil with nefarious disgust.
At her.
At myself.
At every fucking thing.
“Your parents do. The best way to hurt them is to take away their precious firstborn. You said it yourself, that your parents have a special spot for him.”
“No, please…” A tear slides down her cheek as she steps forward.
“Don’t.” I push the knife farther into her brother’s neck.
If she gets too close, I might pull a Nikolai and extinguish this fire once and for all.
Annika comes to a halt, more tears streaming down her cheeks.
More anguish.
More sadness.
I’ve always hated her tears outside of sex, and now that they’re there because of me, it’s nothing short of ripping my guts out.
“Annika.” Jeremy’s chest rumbles against mine. “Get out of here.”
“I’m not leaving you, Jer.” She stares at me and says with confidence, “Take me on his behalf.”
“Annika!” Jeremy all but roars.
“I’m begging you, Creighton. If I ever meant anything to you, if you had even a sliver of affection toward me, don’t do this to me. Don’t take away my brother, don’t make me hate you. Don’t…make me choose.”
My chest burns so bright, so hot that I’m sure it’ll explode into tiny gory pieces.
“Creigh…” Remi calls softly. He’s been watching the whole show from the sidelines, probably trying to figure out if he’s still drunk. “Stop this. Let’s talk.”
“There’s nothing to talk about.” I stare at Annika. “I will not stop until your entire family is wrecked like I once was.”
“I told you not to make me choose,” she says in a brittle voice as she reaches underneath her hoodie and brings out a gun, then points it at me.
Her whole body trembles, except for her arm that holds the weapon.
“Anni.” Remi comes to her side. “Drop that.”
“Annika, fucking leave,” Jeremy mutters with an edge to his voice.
Her gaze never breaks from mine. “Let him go.”
“No.”
“I’m an excellent shot. I told you I don’t miss, remember?”
“I do.”
“Then release my brother.” She’s ordering me, but she’s crying, her voice choking.
“No.”
It’s a death wish, I think. For a moment, thoughts like ‘I should’ve died with my mother’ invade my mind.
What’s the point of living if I’m too attached to the past?
What’s the point of living if I’m tearing the one person who made me feel alive to pieces?
Even if I somehow get past the burning rage and put a stop to this, I’ll never be with her again.
It’s the end.
I turn around and stab Jeremy in the arm.
A shot rings in the air, coupled with an equally loud sob.
A sound I’ll never forget for as long as I live.
A sound that will haunt me to my grave.
Pain explodes in my chest and a smile curves my lips as I sway and fall toward the ground.
She said she didn’t miss and she meant it.
But I don’t hit the ground. Instead, I’m held by Landon.
He stares at me with his soulless eyes and it’s fucking sad that he’s the one I see last.
It could’ve at least been Eli.
But I guess someone like me doesn’t get to choose.