I battled for sleep every single night, and when I woke up the next day, I was never rested.
But now, with Bram? I could sleep.
And that meant the damn world.
I rolled, flopping over on my stomach, and felt the small bump of my belly as I did.
I wondered idly how much longer that I would be able to do what I’d just done and was so focused on my thoughts that I didn’t realize that the man beside me was awake.
Not until his hand settled over my back, moved to curve over my hips, and then he pulled me into his side.
“You’re restless.” His sleep addled voice made excitement pour through my veins.
Him being this close, touching me when we were practically naked, paired with my earlier thoughts of how much I wanted him… well, let’s just say that I wasn’t in a good place.
“Can’t turn my brain off,” I admitted, feeling the urge to open up a little bit. “When I left… I didn’t realize how shitty I was sleeping. Then tonight, for the first time since you came back to my bed, I was awake. But only because… anyway.” I felt my face flush. “I’ve always felt so safe with you when I sleep. But when you’re gone, all of those demons come out to feast in my nightmares.”
He pressed a kiss to the side of my head.
“You ever going to tell me why you can’t sleep by yourself?” he asked. “I’ve asked before…”
He had.
And I’d told him that I didn’t want to talk about it. He’d respected it.
But maybe he needed to know.
“When I was a kid,” I said softly, “Amon used to go out of his way to torture me. One of those ways was when I was sleeping. He’d come into my room in the middle of the night and do things to me. Not sexual things,” I rushed to say when he stiffened. “But things such as I was fairly sure from a very young age that he was going to kill me. He liked to see how close he could get before I’d ultimately pass out. Then he’d do it all over again the next night.”
“Pass out,” he stated.
“His favorite thing to do was hold a pillow over my face so that I couldn’t breathe. I’d eventually pass out and go limp, and he’d leave, only to do it again the next night.” I licked my dry lips, feeling his arms around me tighten. I finished the rest with my face practically buried in his neck. “I think I was close to dying a lot in my childhood. Eventually, our parents were reported. We were taken away from them and placed in the foster care system. When they died, the foster homes became my life. We were separated at first. And I started to think my life might turn around. But then he killed my foster parents. And then I got stuck with him because he was eighteen and petitioned the court.”
“And then he tortured you until he found me,” he murmured. “Then you saved me.”
I sighed into his neck. “I hated him. Still hate him. He’s ruined everything.”
“He did do something right,” he murmured quietly, startling me with his words. “He brought you to me.”
I felt my heart start to hammer. “Bram, are you sure that I’m what you want?”
My hand moved up to his chest and I pressed it against his heart.
It was hammering.
“I’ve never been more sure of something in my life,” he assured me. “Those months you were gone? They were the most miserable I’ve been in my life.”
I couldn’t help saying what I said next. “Mimi would be better for you. She’s not messed up like me.”
“She may not be messed up,” he agreed. “But she hasn’t been who I’ve loved for a long time. You are.”
I felt tears sting my eyes as my nose started to run.
God, I hated crying.
Crying and me didn’t get along.
“Bram…”
“I should’ve told you a long time ago and been completely honest with you.” He started to drag his fingertips up my bare back, pushing my shirt farther and farther up to reveal my bare skin. “But Mimi hasn’t meant anything to me since before I even met you. She was well liked by everyone but who was supposed to like her. Me.”
That was news to me.
“What? Why?” I asked.
He sighed, his fingers continued moving up underneath my shirt to play with the skin along my spine.
“Mimi was clingy. And when I say clingy, I mean she never even let me go to the bathroom without coming to check on me if I was over ten minutes.” He sighed. “And I didn’t like how she had something to say about everything that I did. More importantly, when I told her I wanted to do underwater welding, she completely shut down. Wouldn’t talk to me for weeks. Though, she sure the fuck expected to know where I was every second of every day while she was doing the ignoring.
“Mimi is on some sort of weird pedestal that I’m unable to reach when it comes to my family,” he said. “But she’s not there when it comes to me. You surpassed her the moment I watched you stab your brother in the chest. I think I fell a little bit in love with you then.”
I snorted into his neck. “So romantic.”
“That’s me. Romantic Bram,” he teased. “They write books about me, you know.”
“That’s actually Dracula, darling. Not you.” I rolled my eyes.
“Oh.” He hesitated. “My mistake.”
I giggled and pressed farther into his body, only then realizing that he’d been hiding something from me.
His steel hard erection.
He tried to move away when I felt it, but I followed him, moving so fast that I ended up on top of him and him underneath me.
There was no mistaking his erection then, seeing as it was pinned between us.
I sat up, feeling the blanket that’d been covering us fall away, as well as my shirt fall back into place.
My nipples pebbled, and though I knew he couldn’t see them, I smiled anyway.
There was something about Bram and my hard nipples that always seemed to set him off.
He couldn’t help but stare if they were there for him to see.
His hand went to my hips but he didn’t say a word.
Again, him giving me the reins.
I took hold of them with both hands.
“Bram?” I whispered quietly, unable to stop the whisper that always came when I got embarrassed.
I had been having sex with this man for years. We both used each other equally whenever we wanted it. Why was this time any different?
“Yes?” His voice was husky and full of sleep, and God, I just wanted to…
“Fuck me,” I blurted.
Then I felt my face heat.
Because, holy shit, did I just say that out loud?
His hands convulsed on my hips, and then we were moving.
He moved quickly, ripping my shirt off faster than I could draw in a startled breath.
Then he had my panties off next, and then he was settling between my thighs.
I was so wet that he didn’t need to do any preparation—I’d been thinking about this very thing half the night.
Yet, his fingers, still gentle as hell every time he touched me, came to my pussy and swirled.
“Wet,” he growled. “So fuckin’ wet.”
“For you,” I breathed. “I’ve been thinking about doing this all night.”