“Yes, you did.” Hearing it now, he felt the same ridiculous surge of pleasure he’d felt then. “You have no idea what it meant to me.”
“Yet still you kept it secret?” Her eyes searched his. “Why? I wouldn’t have judged you for it. Indeed, it would have made me care for you even more.”
She did care for him, then.
On some level, he’d already known it. It was there, evident in the way she held his arm when they walked together. The way she looked to him for guidance and approval. The way she melted into his embrace.
He reached for her hands. She let him take them, let him hold them gently in his grasp. A tremor of connection passed between them, stirring his blood. He had a vivid recollection of how he’d kissed her yesterday in the downstairs hall.
But he didn’t want her kisses now. He wanted something else. Something more.
He wanted her to know him.
A futile impulse.
There was too much risk associated with it, and not only to him. He knew that. His spirit nevertheless railed against the constraint.
He drew her to stand between his booted feet. His voice roughened with repressed emotion. “My father didn’t approve of novels. I had to hide my writing from him. It’s always been a secret to me. The most private part of myself. I’ve never had the urge to share it.”
“You do share it. There are countless readers who adore your stories. They’d be glad to know you. Indeed, you could be as celebrated as any famous author if you wished.”
“I don’t. It’s the writing I love, not the notoriety. Not the lifestyle. I’ve never been interested in holding court in coffee shops or giving talks at lecture halls. I prefer anonymity.”
“Even from those you love?”
He huffed. “That hasn’t been much of a concern until now.”
Until now.
The two words hung between them. He hadn’t intended to utter them. But once spoken, he could no more deny the truth of them than he could all the rest of it. It was simply a fact.
He was no longer alone—a cursed character in another man’s story. He had someone of his own now. A wife who, somewhere between Belgrave Square and Yorkshire, he’d fallen deeply and irrevocably in love with.
The realization of it squeezed at his heart and lungs so he could scarcely breathe.
“I don’t want to be a stranger to you,” he said.
“Then don’t be.” Her slim fingers slid through his in an intimate clasp. “Let me into your life just a little. Let me share some of your secrets.”
He bowed his head to hers. “Everything I have—everything I am—is yours.”
Thirty
It wasn’t many hours until it was time to retire, but every moment seemed to drag on forever. Julia’s gaze kept tangling with Jasper’s, all through dinner, and the long hours that followed after as they dutifully repaired to the drawing room to drink tea and talk with the children about the events of the day.
Julia couldn’t focus on any of it. Not Jasper’s visit to Mr. Piggott or her own less-than-ideal trip into Hardholme. Her thoughts were entirely consumed by the simmering tension. The thrilling shimmer of knowledge that when they finally withdrew to their chamber, Jasper was going to take her to bed and make her his own.
His confession to her in the tower had all but assured her of it. Before he’d left for York, she’d given him her conditions. And now he’d met them. He’d told her his secrets. There was no more reason to delay their being together as husband and wife.
When the children were put to bed, she accompanied Jasper to bid the boys good night and to tuck Daisy in. Then, heart thumping hard, Julia allowed him to guide her to their own room.
Once inside, he wasted no time in taking her in his arms.
She clung to him, fingers threading into his hair as his mouth covered hers. His lips were hot and seeking, tasting her as much as kissing her. A heady sensation. It made her insides melt and her knees buckle.
His arms tightened around her in a powerful embrace.
And she didn’t feel nervous any longer. She felt boneless. Breathless. Incapable of doing anything but holding him and kissing him back.
If this is what it was like to be intimate, she had nothing to be afraid of. Jasper was strong and sure of himself. Completely in command of the situation.
Or so she thought.
Only a moment later, it was he who broke the kiss, his breath coming in harsh rasps. He gazed down at her, his gray eyes brilliant with heat.
She brought her hand to cradle his jaw.
He turned his face into her palm, pressing a kiss there.
It was a small gesture. Almost courtly in comparison to the kisses they’d been sharing. The sweetness of it resonated within her, flooding her with a peculiar warmth. Everything at once felt too tight and constrictive. Her corset. Her gown. Her own skin. She was as restless as a wild bird.
He bent his head to hers, nuzzling her cheek, and pressing soft kisses to her lips to soothe her. “You said you wanted to be with me. Is that still true?”
“Yes.”
“I want it, too.” He moved one large hand over the curve of her spine. “But there’s time. We needn’t rush anything.”
“I don’t feel rushed. I feel impatient.”
His mouth tugged into a faint smile. “What would you like me to do about it?”
She flashed him a disgruntled glance. “You don’t know?”
A husky laugh rumbled in his chest. “I do,” he assured her. “Do you?”
She stiffened. Was she supposed to know something? None of the other young ladies of her acquaintance did. Not that she was aware. It was information meant to be imparted by one’s mother—at least, that’s what Mary had claimed. Julia doubted whether her own mama would have taken the trouble. Likely, she’d have left the matter to Julia’s future husband.
Julia felt a rush of relief that it was Jasper she was having this conversation with and not the Earl of Gresham. “I haven’t been given the particulars,” she said. “Though my maid did mention—” She stopped abruptly, too embarrassed to continue.
“What did she say?” Jasper’s lips brushed her temple. “Whisper it to me in my ear, sweetheart.”
Julia sank her voice, a blush burning her face. “She mentioned a minute or two of discomfort.”
Jasper’s hand stilled on her back. “Ah. That.”
She pulled back to look at him, her senses alert. “Is it true?”