The words tasted bitter. Perhaps I should switch from whiskey to something sweeter, like rum.
“What?” Luca’s pale face came into my line of vision when I finally turned. The small movement required as much effort as swimming through molasses.
Christ, had my head always been this heavy?
It’s your ego. It adds at least ten pounds. Vivian’s hypothetical teasing sounded in my ears.
A vise clamped around my heart. It was bad enough her every word and smile were burned into my memory. Now I was hearing things she didn’t say?
“Why?” Luca demanded. “What about Francis and the photos?”
Right. I hadn’t told him I’d destroyed the photos yet, partly because I’d been distracted, and partly because they kept him in check. Hell, he deserved to sweat a little longer after the fucking mess he landed me in.
“I took care of them,” I said curtly. “Which was why Francis visited me earlier this week. Vivian overhead. We broke up. The end.”
“Christ, Dante, you couldn’t have told me this earlier? Why’d I have to get a call from Greta fretting about how aliens took over your body?”
“I don’t know, Luca. Maybe because I was busy saving your ass,” I bit out.
He stared at me for a second before slumping in his chair. “Shit. Well, this is good, right? Blackmail’s gone. Francis is gone. Vivian’s gone. This is what you wanted.”
Another long pull. “Yep.”
“You don’t look very happy,” he observed.
Anger snapped free of its leash. “What do you want me to do, throw a parade? For fuck’s sake, I just saved your life, and all you can do is comment on whether I look happy!”
Luca didn’t flinch. “You’re my brother,” he said calmly. “Your happiness is important to me.”
Just like that, my anger fizzled as quickly as it came. “If that were true, you wouldn’t have gotten us into this mess in the first place.”
He grimaced. “Yes, well, I’ve done my fair share of…questionable things, as you might know.”
I snorted in agreement.
“But you were right to make me get a job. I actually like working at Lohman & Sons, and the structure has been good for me. It’s nice not waking up with a hangover every day.” A smile flitted over Luca’s mouth. “I admit, I was resentful as hell when you first brought it up. The whole blackmail thing didn’t seem real at the time, and I hated how you punished me like I was your child instead of your brother. The job, breaking up with Maria. I was…selfish.”
I lowered my bottle and narrowed my eyes. “I’m not the one whose body was taken over by aliens. Who are you, and what the hell have you done to my brother?”
Luca laughed. “Like I said, the structure has been good for me. So has not hanging out with my old crowd as much. Actually…” He cleared his throat. “I met a girl. Leaf. She’s really put things into perspective for me.”
“You’re dating someone named Leaf?” I asked, incredulous.
“Her parents were hippies,” he said by way of explanation. “She’s a yoga instructor in Brooklyn. Very flexible. Anyway, that’s not the point. The point is, I’ve been doing a lot of inner work with her.”
I bet he has. I should’ve known. All the big shifts in Luca’s life revolved around women, booze, or parties.
“She’s helping me heal my inner child,” he continued. “That includes fixing our brotherly relationship.”
Jesus. I supposed a Brooklyn yoga instructor named Leaf was better than a mafia princess. Higher chance of turning my brother vegan, lower chance of getting him killed.
“What about Maria? I thought you were in love.”
“I haven’t talked to her in—er, since we spoke in your office.” Luca coughed. “I was talking to Leaf about it. I think I mistook the thrill of the forbidden for love love, you know? The two are easily confused.”
You don’t fucking say.
“But enough about my love life. We were talking about yours. With Vivian.”
I tensed again. “We sure as hell weren’t.”
“You should be celebrating after getting rid of the Laus,” he said, ignoring me. “But you’re here drinking alone like Great Uncle Agostino after losing at poker. We both know why.”
“Because I’m trying to forget I have an annoying as fuck brother with terrible taste in women.”
“No. Because you actually like Vivian,” he said pointedly. “You might even love her.”
The wrecking ball of his speculation ricocheted through my chest and knocked my heartbeat off-kilter. “That’s ridiculous.”
“Is it? Be honest.” Luca leaned forward and fixed a hard stare on me. It wasn’t an expression I was used to seeing on him. It was unsettling. “Putting aside all the bullshit with Francis, do you want to be with her?”
I tugged at my tie, only to realize I wasn’t wearing one. Then why the hell did my throat feel so tight? “It’s not that simple.”
“Why the hell not?”
“Because it’s not,” I snapped. “What do you think will happen? We’ll have happy family meals at Thanksgiving after I destroy her father’s company? Get married in front of all our friends like the way we got together wasn’t completely fucked? If I marry her, Francis wins. He’ll still have a Russo as an in-law. People will question why the fuck I’m not saving him when his company goes up in flames. It’ll be a goddamn mess!”
“Sure,” Luca said, seemingly unimpressed by my explanation. “But that doesn’t answer my question. Do you want to be with her?”
Forget Romano’s wrath. I was seconds away from giving into mine and strangling him with my bare hands.
If it weren’t for him, Francis wouldn’t have blackmailed me. If he hadn’t blackmailed me, I wouldn’t have gotten engaged to Vivian. If I hadn’t gotten engaged to Vivian, I wouldn’t have fallen—
Realization punched me in the chest, so hard and sudden I swore I heard a crack.
Bruised heart, fractured ribs, stolen breath, all in the space of a minute. It was like my body was punishing me for not recognizing the truth earlier when it’d been so damn obvious.
The way I’d stayed in bed longer every morning just to catch her first smile of the day.
The way our takeout lunch dates became my favorite part of the work week.
The way I’d opened up to her about my family, my life, myself…
And the way watching her walk away on Monday had cost me an irretrievable piece of my soul.
The breath left my lungs.
Somehow, somewhere along the way, I’d fallen in love with Vivian Lau.
Not like or lust. Love, in all its terrifying, unpredictable, unwanted glory.
Luca watched me process the realization, his expression equal parts amused and concerned. “That’s what I thought.”
Fuck. Fuckfuckfuckfuck FUCK.
I rubbed a hand over my face, restless and unsettled.
What the hell was I supposed to do now? I’d never been in love. Never planned to be in love. And now, I’d gone and fallen for the one woman I shouldn’t have like a damn idiot.
“When the hell did you turn into the older brother?” The topic was safer than the unresolved one hanging in the air.