Jules cocks her head.
“It was a joke,” I say. “I have a nice room. My own bathroom. Liv came by to see it last week. She can attest to that.”
“Do you need a place to store anything?” Liv asks. She and Sawyer exchange a look. “We have plenty of room at the house.”
“Thanks. I’ll think about it.”
“Speaking of the street. We’re having a BBQ.” Liv drops her fork when her salad is gone, her eyes brightening.
“When?”
Sawyer glances over. “The week before Thanksgiving.”
“My calendar is clear,” I say.
Jules nods. “Same. As long as I can bring Tess.”
When we finish our meal, I get up to use the bathroom. On the way out, I run into Sawyer.
“What you’re doing for Daniel is no small thing. Living in his house. Caring for his son.”
“They needed someone to help, and this way, I don’t have to save quarters to do laundry.”
Sawyer’s gaze is penetrating, but I play it cool.
From Liv, I know he has gone through some shit. But even though she’s made him a better person, there’s still the knee-jerk reaction to cover up what he’s thinking and feeling.
I get it.
“Daniel puts other people first,” Sawyer says at last. “Even when we were growing up, he saved my ass a dozen times when I got into trouble.”
“I hope you did the same for him.”
“I like to think I did.”
“That’s some cryptic bullshit.”
He laughs, glancing back toward our friends. “He’s not good with change.”
“He’s had to deal with some shitty changes.”
“And now he’s had a good one in you.”
Surprise has my chest expanding. “I care about Andy. And I care about Daniel. He deserves to be happy.”
Sawyer cocks his head. “You should tell him that.”
He brushes past me and I stare after him.
What the hell?
That sounded like him telling me to go for it.
The idea that Daniel might have talked to Sawyer about me only confuses me more.
He’s not the kind of guy to brag about his conquests.
I took the job to help Andy, but I want to help Daniel.
He’s utterly devoted to his kid, his family, in a way my parents weren’t.
Plus, no matter how long his day, he always checks in with me at the end to see how I’m doing. He keeps my favorite drinks and snacks stocked. He even ordered a bunch of new craft supplies and games when I mentioned how much Andy and I had been using them.
I thought I could forget all of that while we were grinding on the couch, but evidently, I can’t.
If I convince him he deserves another chance at living…
It’s worth a try.
I pull open the email from student housing and send off a reply.
19
DANIEL
“Do you have a second to talk about tenure?” My admin assistant whom I share with three other faculty sticks her head into my office.
“As long as it’s not two seconds. I’m teaching in half an hour and the person marking my midterms entered the grades backwards.”
She walks in, files tucked under her arm, and leans against my visitors’ chair. From the expression on her face, I can tell it’s not good news.
“They need to move up the timing of your tenure meeting.”
My laugh is an incredulous bark. “That’s not possible.”
My future is riding on this.
I’ve compiled references, am finalizing a paper, and trying to get this grant for my students done at the same time.
“It’s done. I just wanted to explain why the meeting popped up in your calendar two weeks earlier.” She glances toward the door, then back. “The chair of the committee is leaving early for Christmas vacation.”
“Of course he is.” I rise from my chair and pace the back wall.
He’s probably heading to some Caribbean island.
All of us have to jump for his schedule.
“I’m sorry.” She grimaces.
“It’s not your fault.” The assistants keep this place running as smoothly as possible, with little help and occasionally even less gratitude from faculty.
“It gets better after tenure,” she says, then smiles.
The door clicks closed after her.
I roll up my sleeves and pace another few lengths before stopping at my desk. On the corner, my favorite photo stares back at me. Andy, and my wife.
I reach for it. Soak in their smiling faces.
Then glance down at my bare arm.
The tattoo is gone, but what it marked was only the beginning.
This month has been a roller coaster.
It felt so good having Kat under me. Her fingers tugging on my hair. Her body creating wicked friction with mine.
I didn’t plan for it to go that far, but when she told me she wanted me to kiss her, to touch her, something primal in me took over.
If I thought it would get her out of my system, I was wrong.
Kat’s made it clear she’s not looking for anything serious.
Neither am I.
I’ve never been the guy to have casual hookups. I never got the appeal.
Maybe I’m starting to understand.
But my first priority is getting through this process and securing my future. Andy’s future.
Which is why I make a call I really don’t want to make.
When I click off, I hope to hell I’ve done the right thing.
20
KAT
“Kat, I finished working on my dance solo. Want to see?”
Andy twirls around the living room and I smile, applauding once he’s done.
“That’s great. Do you have everything for tonight? Your shoes?”
“I need my ballet shoes! I haven’t seen Grandma and Grandpa in forever!”
He runs to his room to get them.
“What are your plans for your big night off?” I ask Daniel as he paces into the kitchen. In a dark V-neck sweater that hugs his body over indigo jeans, he looks like a distracted Ralph Lauren ad.
“I’ll be in my office finishing a presentation.”
Disappointment is a living thing in my chest.
I hoped he’d say, I’ll be on the couch in case you need another orgasm.
“What about you?” he asks.
I blow a piece of hair out of my face. “Library. I just got a B- on a midterm. While my prof said my transcripts looked fine, I also need to submit a personal statement. Which I haven’t cracked.”
The past few days, things between us have been in a holding pattern.
We still exchange the kind of looks I feel long after we’re in different rooms.
Once, we passed in the hallway and he grabbed my hand.
Another time in the kitchen, he came up behind me and kissed my neck. I turned my face toward his, but we were interrupted.
Whatever’s between us can’t compete with the urgency of his work or my school deadlines. They moved up the timing of Daniel’s big review, which means more pressure on him.
His eyes crinkle. “You’ll figure it out.”
I drum my fingers on my opposite arm. “You sound very self-assured.”