Her gentle soul was one of her sweetest traits. Cat didn’t want that to change. She only wanted to protect it.
So, rather than berate her sister, Cat sucked in a deep, lung-filling breath her therapist would be proud of. Slowly releasing it to the count of ten, she channeled Mariana’s steady ER-nurse demeanor. And Patricio’s calm, contemplative nature, that had been put to the test earlier with his father’s abrasiveness.
“That’s okay. I know school’s always busy for you this time of year,” Cat said, giving her sister an out. Even though they both knew it wasn’t the real reason Blanca had been screening Cat’s phone calls. “After spring break, the kids start to check out. I’m sure you’ve had a lot on your plate.”
“Yeah, I have,” Blanca mumbled.
An uncomfortable silence fell across the line when Blanca didn’t elaborate like usual. Cat gritted her teeth, a maelstrom of emotions thundering through her, mimicking the dark storm clouds continuing to roll in above.
“It’s weird, not being home,” she admitted. “Not going into your classroom on the weekend to help rearrange the bulletin boards or prep for the upcoming week.”
“Sabrina’s been coming with me instead.”
“That’s nice of her. And Las Nubes? How are rehearsals going without me?”
“Fine.”
“Mamá told me she’s juggling the music classes okay on her own. But I worry if it’s too much for her. Has she said anything?”
“Not to me.”
Cat swallowed her what the hell retort, her exasperation with Blanca’s uncharacteristically brusque responses mounting. Normally her sister would be motor-mouthing about a funny remark one of her kindergarteners had made in class, what another had done that got them in trouble.
As for Las Nubes, with Cat’s departure, her sisters had been forced to make changes to their set, and those always made Blanca nervous. The twins were taking turns filling Cat’s spot for some of the lead vocals alongside Mariana, which also meant slight changes to their choreography. Knowing Blanca, she had fretted over song or choreo tweaks, afraid she’d mess up in the middle of a performance.
“Fine” wasn’t Blanca’s typical response when she was forced to adapt to something new.
And she hadn’t been “fine” when they’d hugged goodbye after the San Antonio concert. They’d both been in tears. Squeezing each other tightly. Scared about how they’d fare during this extended time apart, when they had never been separated for more than a few days.
Guilt slammed into Cat’s chest with a sledgehammer forged in the fires of their past.
Hating the distance separating them—physical and emotional since their dinner table argument—she sank onto one of the pool loungers and drove a hand through her hair.
“Blanca, talk to me,” she pleaded. “I can’t just drive over to your place to tickle and cajole you out of this funk.”
“It’s not a funk. I’m mad at you.”
“Why? I’m not the one breaking our promise.”
“A promise we made when we were kids,” Blanca complained. “Por Dios, I was six years old! And you were only eight!”
“But still wise enough to know what was for our own good.” Cat flung out an arm, emphasizing her point, even though Blanca couldn’t see her. “That’s all I want for you, Blanca. Good. A good life. A happy, safe, secure one. Filled with the love of a partner who deserves you. It’s why I’m out here, on the road and writing songs and calling home every night.”
“No, you’re on the road because it’s what you want to do. It’s always been your dream.”
Her frustration boiled over, and Cat pushed off the lounger, storming toward the infinity pool. “Bueno, yes. But part of that dream is doing it the right way. Providing for you. And Papo and Mamá and all the girls.”
“I’m an adult now, Cat. I don’t need you to provide for me. Or protect me.”
“Eres mi hermanita. That will never change. No matter how old we are, you will always be my little sister. And I will always protect you.”
Blanca’s heavy sigh carried through the line.
Cat responded in kind as she paced down the length of the pool. The lush terrain creeping in along the perimeter of the back deck and extending out for acres blurred into a swath of colors as tears pooled in her eyes. “Blanca, por favor, listen to me.”
“I have been. I am. And I understand why you feel this way, Cat. But you—” Her sweet sister’s voice caught, and she broke off. Blanca cleared her throat, and Cat fully expected her to back down; she’d never been a fan of confrontation. Instead, Blanca pelted her with an unexpected accusation. “But you’re not being fair.”
“Fair? ¿Maldita sea—”
“Do not swear on God’s name!”
“Are you fucking kidding me right now, Blanca?” Afraid her brain might explode from her outraged disbelief, Cat slapped a hand to her forehead and spun on her sandal, marching back to the deep end. “Was he fair to her? To us? Ever? Why would you want to spend time with someone who could be just like him?”
“Could be. But could also not be. Luciano hasn’t broken any promises. I haven’t asked him to make any.”
“Good. Keep it that way.”
Again, one of Blanca’s annoyed sighs blew through the phone. “Ay, Catalina, I don’t want to fight with you.”
“I don’t either.”
“Then you need to try and understand that maybe I don’t hold as big of a grudge as you do. Or I’m ready to let it go. It’s healthier for us to let it go.”
¡Qué jalada!
Only, Cat’s therapist, who had given her the same advice as Blanca, didn’t think it was nonsense.
But Cat had let it go, damn it! This effed-up argument and their pact weren’t about their birth father’s abandonment. It was about not repeating the past.
Annoyed, Cat kicked her toes at the pool’s placid surface, sending a spray of water in the air and wetting the skirt of her pink sundress in the process.
“Ay, Dios mío,” she complained to Blanca. “I just wanna reach through my phone and shake some sense into you, sabes?”
“Sí, I know.”
The smile in Blanca’s voice deflated Cat’s ire, making room for homesickness to seep in. She swallowed the lump in her throat and stared wistfully at the bay, its waters a play of blues and grays reflecting the tumultuous clouds. “But I also wanna hug you. And tell you everything’s going to be okay.”
“I know that, too.”
Blanca’s soft chuckle should have lightened Cat’s disquiet. But love warred with fear and worry in her chest, the clash of their swords clanging in her ears.
“Te quiero,” Cat whispered, the words husky with unshed tears.
“I love you, too.”
“No matter where my dreams take me, I will always come back home, Blanca. Te lo prometo.”
A sniffle answered her promise.
They hung up seconds later, Blanca agreeing to think about Cat’s cautionary plea as long as Cat gave similar consideration to her sister’s Disney-inspired “let it go” advice.