“Oh my God.” I lean into Nichole and hold her tightly. “Thank you,” I whisper.
Nichole rubs my back and says quietly, “I don’t know what the future holds for me, but what I do know is that you will be taken care of. That you will continue to live the life you deserve, and that I won’t have to worry about it when I do finally pass. The one thing I wish is for your happiness.” She lifts away to look me in the eyes. “You are happiest with Ryot.”
“Thank you for helping me see that.”
“Anything for you. After all, you’ve so generously been my wing-woman for several years, landing me some of the best action of my life. It’s the least I could do.”
I chuckle and then hug her again.
Nichole is right, her future is uncertain, but at least with this plan, I’ll feel comfortable knowing we’ve done everything we could to give her the best chance. And to give my marriage the best chance possible.
“Are you sure you’re not hungry?” Ryot asks as we enter the penthouse.
After a day of planning at the hospital, looking at the Malibu houses repeatedly, and hiring movers to help Nichole pack, she was completely toast and ready for some sleep. The doctor said she would be able to be discharged tomorrow. They just wanted to monitor her for another night before they signed her out. So of course, she kicked us out and sent us on our way.
Banner took a flight home so he could speak to some doctors for her and come up with an action plan. When I asked about Kenzie, he just ignored me and moved on. There is no doubt in my mind that Nichole will hold him to that date.
And now that we’re back at the hotel, I’m exhausted and just want to lie down.
“I don’t want to eat right now. Can we just go to bed?”
“Sure,” he says as he takes my hand and leads me to the bedroom.
Together we get ready, taking turns using the bathroom, sharing the toothpaste, and splashing our faces with water. I change into one of his shirts, and he undresses down to his briefs. When we’re both ready, he lifts the covers of the bed so I can get in first. When he slips in, he turns toward me and immediately places his hand on my hip, pulling me in close.
“You okay?” he asks.
I nod and draw my finger down his chest. “Can I talk to you for a second?”
“Of course.”
I’ve been thinking about this all day, wanting to clear the air with him because we didn’t start the day off well. We had to make up in front of other people, and now that we’re here alone, I just want him to know how much he matters to me.
As much as I’ve been absolutely terrified thinking about Nichole’s cancer, I’ve also been thinking about why I didn’t try harder with Ryot. We did make vows, as I was reminded of when we danced at JP’s wedding. Vows to stick together no matter what life threw us. To love each other with everything we have. Unlike my mom, who did everything in her power to devalue me and wreck me, Ryot has never offered me anything but praise and positivity. Opposed to my dad, who never stood up for me, who abandoned me when I needed him the most—for his other family—Ryot has been my protector. My champion. I am the luckiest woman in the world.
“I know you said I don’t need to apologize, but I still want to. I’m sorry I put fear into your heart about where I stand when it comes to us. I need you to know that I never stopped loving you, Ryot. Never. Even when I handed you those divorce papers, I was still as much in love with you as I was the day we married. That has never changed. I just didn’t think I had the mental capacity to stay with you after going through those few months with The Jock Report.”
“I get it, baby. You don’t need to explain anything.”
“But I need you to know I was still very much in love with you.”
He nods and then quietly says, “That means a lot to me, because when we were in Napa and you weren’t saying I love you back, it nearly broke me.”
“I thought I’d break if I did say the words. I was protecting my heart and my head. As I said, you are the one person who can break me, yet also the one person who can put me back together.”
“I hope I’m putting you back together now.”
“You are.” I scoot in closer. “The way you handled everything today with Nichole, it means more to me than I think you’ll ever know. You stepped up. You protected me once again. And instead of walking away like others would have done, you stuck by my side. Without criticism. It’s the kind of man you are, one I will never find again in this lifetime. You are one of a kind, Ryot, and I am so freaking lucky to call you mine.”
He leans his forehead against mine. “I’m the lucky one.” His nose rubs against mine. “You create this sense of peace within me, Myla, and when I had to turn over those divorce papers, it was like the peace was snatched from my hands.” He slides his palm up my side and under my shirt. “I was trying to give you your space, but desperately attempting to figure out a way to get that peace back.” His hand slides past my stomach, past my breast, and lands right above my heart. “Your heartbeat is the cadence of my life, and without it in my palm, I’m an aimless wanderer. I don’t ever want to feel that again. Ever. And I swear to you, at this moment, where it’s just you and me, I will never take you for fucking granted again. You are everything to me, Myla. And I’m sorry that I lost sight of that.”
“I promise to do the same because you are my everything too, Ryot. Nichole is right, you are my happiness, and I want to hold on to that until my last breath.” I lean in and press my lips to his, feeling him suck in a deep breath as he rolls me to my back.
He doesn’t say anything else. Instead, I get lost in the feel of his strength taking over my body. Through every kiss and every touch, he silently holds on to that promise and strengthens it so there is no way we’re ever untying the knot that is our life together.
Epilogue
RYOT
Myla: At Nichole’s. We have falafel and hummus.
I chuckle, staring at Myla’s text, and quickly remove my suit and change into a pair of shorts and a tank top. After a long day of shooting The Jock Report segment with ESPN, I’m ready to see my girl.
It’s been a month since Nichole was in the hospital. We ended up staying a little over a week in Chicago before we could transfer her on a private jet to California. She met with her new doctors immediately, and they came up with a plan. We’re not overly optimistic, but they have said there could be a chance of possible survival if they can reduce the tumor and stop the spread. We’re taking it one day at a time.
Malibu has been the right move for us. Even though we’re renting, Myla has made the beach house more of a home than our initial place. She’s hung pictures of our wedding, created an inviting space with Caribbean tones—her words, not mine—and added a touch of her own flair with color-blocking murals that she’s started adding in the office building spaces.
Speaking of my girl, she just started working with Kelsey this week, and she’s already designed some spaces that Kelsey is in love with. They had a design meeting yesterday, and from what Myla has told me, Kelsey was swooning. Myla is truly in her element, and I don’t think I’ve seen her this happy. Makes me realize that, in fact, you can get wrapped up in your own head and forget to see the things around you. It’s good to lift your head from the hole every once in a while and look around.