Last night got out of hand. He used one of the best parts of our marriage as a weapon. He used our sex life to manipulate me. To control and seduce me. And if I gave in to him, if I fell back into our physical relationship, I’d probably feel demeaned. That would destroy something inside me and right now I feel too fragile. I’ve had my share of feeling degraded.
I can’t go back there.
Not just for me.
But for him as well. I know Ryot is a better man than he is acting now, so I can’t allow him to continue down this road.
“Last night . . . he pushed me too far. He knows my weakness. He knows that it’s impossible for me to resist him, and he used that to his advantage.”
“Probably because he still loves you and is mad about what’s happening. Anger and love make you do stupid stuff, you know?” Yeah, I can attest to that.
“So because he loves me and is angry about the divorce, that should excuse his behavior? That should excuse the way he’s treated me the past few months?”
“Nooooo,” Nichole drags out. “But how is putting up rules in the house for him to follow going to make it better for the two of you? Taking the car away, moving the food to your own personal fridge? Do you think this will help?”
“No, but I’m not trying to solve anything here, Nichole. I’m grasping for any sort of control. I could move into a hotel or a short-term Airbnb. I know that. But I already feel so untethered here in LA. At least staying here for the next few weeks—around things that are somewhat familiar—will provide some solace. I have time to pack up my stuff and work out where I go next.” Probably Chicago. “But because he won’t sign the papers until after the wedding, I need boundaries. Without boundaries, without these rules, I don’t think I’ll mentally survive living here. I don’t want to slip back into a lifestyle that wasn’t healthy for either one of us.” I hate feeling so backed into a corner.
She slowly nods. “I know, sweetie. But . . . I just hate to see it go down like this.”
“It didn’t have to,” I say. “But he initiated this with what happened between us last night.”
“So what you’re saying is . . . in lack of a better term, this is war?”
I roll my eyes. “That seems a bit extreme.”
“Taking his car away because you’re the one who charges it is a bit extreme as well, don’t you think?”
“Nichole,” I groan. “Don’t make me look like the bitch in this scenario.”
“You’re not.” Nichole holds up her hands. “Not even a little. Your feelings are valid. The dismissal on his end has been seen and heard. I just want you to be prepared because, the moment he walks through the door and you throw down the gauntlet, you know he won’t go down easy. He’ll come out swinging, and you need to be ready for that. He’s already started fighting back. Not to mention, there’s clear intention behind his willingness to grant you a divorce so easily after the wedding. He’s already in this battle. I think you might just be joining it.”
“Trust me, I thought about this all night. If I put just enough distance between us, I can save what little pieces of my broken heart are left.”
“By bringing fuel to the flame of this divorce war?”
“Better to be mad at each other than whatever the hell last night was. My battered heart can’t take his mouth on me, his hands all over me, and the promise of the heat of his body.”
She’s silent for a moment.
If any two people in this world know me best, it’s Nichole and Ryot. They know the uphill climb I’ve ascended my whole life. Nichole especially understands how meeting Ryot transformed my life. That uphill climb started to plateau. He carried the baggage I was carrying. With and for me. As he promised. He’s been my comfort. My rock. My everything.
But also . . . my downfall.
He can so easily break me, so I need to keep my distance. I don’t want to exit this marriage completely shattered.
“Well.” Nichole stands and claps her hands together. “If this is a divorce gone completely wrong, might as well do it right.”
“What do you mean by that?”
“If you want to make him mad to keep him as far away from breaking your heart again, then we have some work to do.”
RYOT
I tear my AirPods out of my ears and set them on the kitchen counter as I try to catch my breath. After a sleepless night of tossing and turning and running my interaction with Myla over and over again, I decided to wake up early and get a long run in before the day got hot. I thought it would help my racing mind, but all it did was amp me up even more.
Do I believe Myla would go out last night and hook up with a man? No, but I’m also not blind to Nichole’s influence either. I wasn’t taking any chances, and sure, I didn’t handle it well, but I couldn’t stop myself. The moment I had her near me, it was like whenever I’m near her. I love this woman. And then she stuck her fingers in my mouth, letting me taste her arousal. I was gone. What comes naturally between us continued to happen. I wanted to make love to my wife.
And I regret not letting her come all over my fingers. Hell, I regret not pushing her onto the bed, yanking her skirt up, and pressing my mouth to her pussy where I would eat her out until she screamed my name.
I regret a lot of fucking things.
I open the fridge for the eggs to make some breakfast when I realize the fridge is empty besides a few yogurts I bought myself.
What the hell? There was food in here last night.
I shut the fridge door only to find Myla on the other side.
“Jesus,” I say. “Where’s all the food?”
“Oh, you mean the food I bought at the grocery store?” she asks, her arms folded, a tremble in her fingers.
“Yes, that food.”
“It’s in the garage fridge.”
“Why is it in there?” I ask.
“Because that’s my fridge.”
“What?”
She props one hand on her hip as she leans against the counter. “Well, I had an epiphany last night.” Her voice is shaky, but I sense an air of confidence too. “While I was making myself come in the shower after you left me hanging.” Fuck. The image of her in the shower, fucking herself, feels like a full-on technicolor re-enactment in my head. “Are you paying attention?”
“Yes,” I answer, my mind snapping back to her. “What was your epiphany?”
“Well, if you’re going to have demands, then I think it’s fair that I have mine as well.”
“You think giving me the respect of not fucking another man while your name is still attached to me is a demand? That’s just being courteous to your husband.”
She glances away for a moment and then quietly says, “The fact that you even have to question the intention behind Nichole’s presence here is insulting.” Her eyes flick up to mine. “I would never cheat on you, Ryot.”
Just like that, guilt consumes me because she’s right.
She’s shown me nothing but love and respect for our marriage.
An apology is on the tip of my tongue as she says, “Either way. We have a couple weeks together before the wedding, and it might be best if we lay down some ground rules so we don’t get in each other’s way.”