I let out a deep breath. “You’re right.”
“I know I am. Now, stop calling me and let me go so I can get some sleep.”
“Okay. Love you.”
“Love you, too.”
I hang up just as the bathroom door opens. I quickly stand from the corner, adjust my nighttime shorts and tank top, and catch Ryot walking into the bedroom wearing only a pair of boxer briefs.
“I, uh, I didn’t bring anything decent for nighttime because I thought I was going to be alone.”
I smile softly. “Ryot, I don’t think a pair of boxer briefs will make me clutch my pearls.”
“Guess not.” He scratches his bare chest, the way I love—like he isn’t sure what to do other than scratch an itch that isn’t there. It’s adorable. “Can I ask you a question without you getting mad at me?” he asks.
“That’s one way to put someone on alert.”
“I know, I’m sorry,” he says. “I just want to be honest, and my question might upset you, and I don’t want it to come off that way.”
“Well, thanks for the precursor. What’s your question?”
He takes a seat on the edge of the bed and clasps his hands in front of him. “Why are you really here, Myla? I know you said it was because a deal was a deal, but I told you, you didn’t need to come. So there must be some other reason.”
It would be easy to lie at this moment. To tell him that what I said was the truth, but that would only cause problems with what I’m trying to accomplish while I’m here. So I go with the truth instead.
“I don’t want to resent you.”
His wet hair falls over his forehead as he looks up at me. “What do you mean?”
“We’ve been through a lot, Ryot. I would never say our romance had a fairy-tale feel to it because there were a lot of ups and downs, created mainly by me at the beginning, both of us in the middle, and you in the end. And the end of this marriage is clouding my ability to remember all the great things. I don’t want to walk away from you feeling anger, or hatred, or resentment. It’s not something I want to live with, and I don’t want you to live with that either. So I’m looking for forgiveness. I’m looking for . . . for healthy closure.”
He stares down at his clasped hands and nods solemnly. “Can’t say I love hearing that.” He lifts his gaze. “But I get it, Myla. I don’t want you to resent me either. I hate what I’ve done to you, hate myself for it, so the last thing I want is for you to hate me too.”
“I know the last thing you want is for us to be friends because I don’t think that’s possible, not with the heavy feelings we have for each other. But if we could at least, I don’t know, find a way to part without bad feelings, it might help both of us move on.”
He nods. “Yeah, I think you’re right. I’d rather part knowing that you don’t resent me than not have these next few days with you.” He lets out a sigh and then stands from the bed. “It’s late. We should get to bed.”
“Probably.”
I switch off the light in the entryway of the hotel room, then make my way over to the bed, where I plug my phone into my charger on the nightstand. He pulls down the sheets, and together, we climb in. But whereas I normally would have slithered over to his side, probably naked, and clung to him all night, it feels like at least three feet of cold, empty mattress is between us.
And even though we’re attempting to ease out the tension and bitterness, we don’t say good night to each other or roll over to face one another. I’ve never felt more alone.
RYOT
Ryot: For those of you not here, Myla came with me to Napa. We talked last night, and the reason she’s here is that she doesn’t want to leave our marriage feeling resentful.
Banner: I guess that’s smart. I wouldn’t want to do that either after everything you’ve been through.
Nola: Wow, she’s stronger than I was. When Caleb and I broke up, I wished he fell in a well and never resurfaced again.
Penn: Remind me to never cross you.
Banner: She’s cutthroat. Myla, on the other hand, no matter how many times she’s tried to let you go, she’s always come back. I can see why she doesn’t want to feel bitterness toward you.
Ryot: I spent the entire night thinking about what she said. She doesn’t want to resent me. She knows being friends isn’t possible with the feelings we have for each other, but she at least wants to be in a headspace where there isn’t any bitterness or resentment. I don’t want there to be bitterness either, I want to work on this. I want to work on us. So . . . that’s why I’m going to win her back.
Penn: Oh God.
Nola: **winces**
Banner: Dude, is that the best idea?
Ryot: It’s the obvious choice.
Penn: Or are we reading a little desperate?
Nola: I don’t like agreeing with Penn, but you might be in a good spot to end things amicably rather than in a dumpster fire.
Banner: Yeah, after last night, I don’t think trying to win her back is the right choice.
Nola: What happened last night?
Penn: Yeah, clue us in.
Banner: Well, after the kiss that nearly turned me on just watching it . . .
Nola: YOU KISSED?
Banner: I would like to clarify: Myla and Ryot kissed. Proceed.
Penn: I didn’t think you (Banner) and Ryot kissed, although sometimes brotherly love can go a bit far.
Nola: What the hell is wrong with you?
Penn: Can’t say.
Banner: The kiss shook the hotel because he wasn’t expecting it, and then after that, she was all light and breezy and fun. The Myla we all know and love. It was fucking strange. And he was eating it up. I think you’re going to get your hopes up, man. She’s in a different headspace than you, and I don’t want you even more hurt and disappointed.
Nola: He’s right. It’s hard to try to get someone to fall for you when they’re intent on letting you go.
Penn: If I’m looking at this right, I’m going to have to agree with them. It doesn’t seem intelligent.
Ryot: Maybe not, but what did you say, Banner? She always comes back to me? Well, this is one of those instances. I admit that I drove her away, but I know how to fix it. I know how to make this right, and I will regret it for the rest of my life if I don’t at least try.
Nola: You know I love you, but this is all very cringy.
Penn: Cringe factor is about a ten out of ten on this one.
Banner: I’d say eight out of ten. Ten out of ten would be if he proposed at the end and asked her to re-marry him.
Nola: Ooof, that made me shiver.
Penn: Please don’t do that, man.
Ryot: I’m sorry, but I thought you all were my friends and family. You’re supposed to be helpful.
Nola: We are. We don’t think it’s the right move.
Ryot: Well, I do. You didn’t hear her last night when we were in the hotel alone. You didn’t see the way she looked at me. Something is still there, and if I have to take the next few days to win her back the way I initially did, through friendship and trust, then I fucking will. I’m not giving up on her. She’s had enough people give up on her in her lifetime. I won’t be one of them.