“And as you remember,” I say, my fingers curling on his chest, “I don’t like what I can’t control, which I guess actually means I like control, too.”
“And you have it with me,” he promises. “Always. All you have to say is no, and we find what feels like a yes to you. You asked if I trust you. I’m asking you now if you trust me.”
I consider the complexity of the question. Do I trust him to listen when I say no? Yes. Do I trust him not to break my heart? I’m pretty sure that’s signed, sealed, and delivered, so, no. Do I trust him to make tonight all about pleasure? The kind of pleasure I’ll remember long after he is married off to his future fiancée. Yes. That’s a brutal yes because of where this is headed, which is nowhere but right here, right now, but one I can’t walk away from, either. “Yes,” I say. “I trust you.”
“I don’t think you do, Bella,” he murmurs, and the way he uses my name—it’s as if he wants me to know I’m not just sex to him. Or maybe I just want to believe that—even need to believe that—to be here with him, to be this intimate with him. Because I’m still me. I’m still not the sex-is-sex kind of girl, even if he aspires to change that in me. “But I want you to trust me so damn badly it’s insane,” he adds roughly, an edge of frustration in him, as if this statement somehow contradicts the control he so values.
It shakes me just how much I’m pleased that I’ve tormented him in some way, as if it’s selfish of me. I know this, but Lord also knows I’m tormented over this marriage agreement he’s obviously accepted. And if I think too hard about it, I will run. I will leave.
I don’t want to leave.
I press to my toes, desperate for his mouth and body, for that oblivion he’s shown me once that I crave again.
His grip tightens gently around my hair, the act both arousing and brutal, as he denies me his mouth. “I’m going to make you trust me, Bella,” he declares, and then, thank you Lord, his mouth slants over my mouth, his tongue caressing my tongue. And it’s a toe-curling, deep, drugging kiss that leaves me breathless when his lips part mine. “Get undressed,” he orders. “I want to watch.” He releases me and I am instantly cold where I was hot only moments before.
I stand there in disbelief as he sits down on the end of the bed, and I’m left standing, stunned by this sudden turn of events, by the way this has become the Bella show. It’s not like I’m inexperienced in the bedroom. I’ve certainly been treated like a Stretch Armstrong doll many a times by Travis. It often felt as if I was a toy he played with, not a woman he was making love to. I feel as if this should feel the same, but it doesn’t. I feel vulnerable, and wildly aroused, but also intimidated by the idea of standing naked in front of Tyler Hawk when he remains fully dressed. And yet, the burn of anticipation is as present as anything I’ve ever felt in my life.
“Undress, baby,” he says, that endearment, spoken softly, is the undoing of me, while the idea of being on show and at his mercy is also surprisingly arousing. And yet I hesitate, nervous energy, zipping wildly through my body.
Tyler reads me all too well, pushing to his feet and erasing the space between us in a few short steps. His hands settle under my hair on my neck, and he tilts my gaze to his. “Just be in the moment, Bella,” he urges gently. “Don’t overthink everything.”
“Why can’t you just do what you’re doing now? Touch me.”
“It’s better when you want and wait until you can want and wait no more.”
“I think we’ve had plenty of time to want and wait, Tyler.”
“And not enough time to enjoy being here, baby. I want to savor every minute with you and every inch of you.”
Heat settles low in my belly and my sex clenches, fingers curling around the cloth of his shirt. “It’s hard. We are—”
“Hot as hell for each other and that feels really damn good. I’m where I want to be right now. Are you?”
Right now.
I hate that I focus on the “right now” as a negative, a reminder that I’m nothing to him in the big picture. A reminder too, that sex is sex for him. But “right now” is also all that I’ll ever have with him and I’m not sure I will ever be as sexually charged with anyone else in this lifetime. I mean, if I don’t believe in love anymore, why am I denying myself pleasure? I’m not going to deny myself pleasure. He’s right. It’s time to stop overthinking.
“Yes,” I say. “Yes, I am right where I want to be.”
He brushes his lips over mine, his teeth nipping my bottom lip before he says, “I own you tonight, Bella. You’re mine. Say it. You know I’m going to make you say it.”
My lips curve and I don’t know what he expects of me, but it won’t be easy submission. He’ll have to work for it. “Yes,” I say. “I know what you want, but as for owning me, even for tonight. You can try.”
Chapter Forty-One
Tyler
I stroke my thumb over her cheek and say, “Challenge accepted, baby. Now you’re going to undress for me.”
“And if I don’t?”
“Then I’ll bend you over and fuck you and then it’s just over. And it would be a damn shame to waste this pent-up fuck energy on a quickie, don’t you think?”
She scrapes her teeth on her lip, a nervous energy to the action as she asks, “And if I undress for you?”
“Then we fuck properly, with our mouths and hands first, all over each other.” I scoop her backside and mold her hips to my hips. The thick bulge of my erection presses to her belly, while my cheek presses to her cheek. “I’ll finger fuck you and tongue fuck you until you can’t take it anymore. But I won’t let you come. That way, when I slide my cock inside you, Bella, you’ll be so tight and wet for me, you’ll buck against me and beg for more. You’ll get me so hot that I’ll be fast, and we’ll have to do it all over again. The next time, nice and slow.”
Her nails dig into my shoulders, and she pants out a breathy, “Tyler,” which is one step closer to “Please, Tyler.” We’ll get there, I think. We will most definitely get there. I cup her face and force her gaze to mine, a mix of vulnerability and challenge in her eyes I find sexy as hell. “I feel like I’ve wanted to be inside you for a lifetime, Bella. And now I wait for your decision. Undress or—”
“Undress,” she says, wetting her lips and pushing out of my grip. “I’ll undress, but you just made a lot of promises you have to keep.”
My lips quirk with her fiery reply, but I can feel the nervous energy wafting off her. I decide her ex, Travis, who I’ve met and disliked, obviously didn’t know how to take care of his woman. She is too confident and secure in herself to be this resistant to good sex. Either something happened to her, or she’s just plain had bad lovers who didn’t pay attention to what she was telling them. I won’t make the same mistake.
And what she needs is for me to slowly earn her trust and learn her body, and that means time. I’ll never get that with her. She’ll never touch me again after I pick this ridiculous, fake fiancée. I have tonight with her, and I plan to make it count. I close the space between us and catch her hip. Her eyes warm with the action, and she says, “What are you doing? I thought—”