“You don’t need to say anything. You and Marilyn deserve to have some time to yourselves over the holiday. Will Stella need a place to stay? We can probably get a cabin for her too.”
“No, she’s not spending Christmas with us this year.” A brief pang passed quickly. Stella deserved to be making her own life.
“Okay! A cabin for two, then. It should be pretty quiet up there on Christmas week.”
“What will we do?”
Dan laughed. “Do? How about nothing? You’ll have a snug cabin, a fireplace, and the great frozen north. Don’t do anything.”
Do nothing? That sounded like heaven on earth. No council meetings, no sermon to prepare and give? No pressure on the biggest night of the church calendar? Yeah, he could probably do that.
It wasn’t like he had any of his Christmas spark anymore anyway.
Over the years, Christmas had gone from being a time to celebrate the birth of Jesus to weeks of worrying about special music and original content for the Christmas play and whether they had enough candles for the candlelight service. This year, as he looked at the date circled on the calendar, he didn’t have a clue what he would stand up and say in front of the congregation on Christmas Day.
In fact, he wondered if he should give up the ministry.
These past few months, he’d struggled to stay engaged with the church. Nothing big was happening. Just the ordinariness of ministry. And it was starting to wear on him.
Not to mention the phone call he’d had a few months ago. He’d answered the phone and heard the voice of LeRoy Olson, a friend who had been a few years ahead of him in seminary.
“Bob! How is Wisconsin treating you?”
They’d chatted for a few minutes about inconsequential things before LeRoy dropped a bombshell. Well, two bombshells really.
“Did you hear about the Wilsons? They’re getting a divorce.”
“Jeff and Wendy? No. That can’t be right.” Jeff had graduated from seminary in the same class as Bob, and they’d served churches near each other for the first five years of ministry. “They always seemed so solid.” His brain refused to assimilate the information.
“I guess Jeff just left Wendy and the church one day and moved to Boca Raton. He burned out and quit everything.”
Bob tried to latch on to one of the thoughts buzzing through his mind. “I’ll have to give him a call.”
“Give him my best. I’m concerned about him.” LeRoy cleared his throat. “But listen, that’s not the only reason why I’m calling. I have a favor to ask of you. You know I’m on the board for Planting Hope.”
As Bob recovered from the news about his friend, he almost missed LeRoy’s next words. And he’d definitely missed some in between.
“You would only have to live in Botswana for a year. I know even asking that much is a big commitment, and I know that running a sustainable farming operation isn’t exactly like being in the pastorate. We just need someone to fill in while the workers we have stationed there come stateside for medical treatment.”
“Wait, back up a minute. You want me to take a job in Botswana?”
LeRoy chuckled. “Yes. I think your time spent in farming country makes you uniquely suited to this job. Plus, you understand the mission. You wouldn’t be preaching or holding Bible studies, but you would be helping people with their needs.”
“Thanks for thinking of me, but I’m just not interested.”
As much as Bob had wanted to hear his friend out, he still couldn’t shake the feeling that leaving the pastoral ministry was giving up somehow. He could be all in, or he could be… What? A failure? Plus, Marilyn would never go for it. All she’d ever wanted to be was a pastor’s wife. How could he take that from her?
On the stage, Stella stood, bowed, and then swept her bow to the side to acknowledge the group accompanying her.
Beside him, Marilyn wiped a tear from her eye. He’d been so lost in his thoughts he’d missed some of the recital.
He hoped it didn’t make him a bad father to also be dreaming about dropping Stella off at the airport and then driving as fast as possible north to Deep Haven.
This was going to be his year skipping Christmas, and he couldn’t wait to get started. And then maybe he’d have the energy to figure out what to do with the rest of his life.
A Christmas all to themselves.
Marilyn couldn’t remember ever feeling so indulgent. She knew she should concentrate on Stella’s performance. After all, it had been ages since she’d heard her daughter play. But she couldn’t keep her mind from daydreaming about the trip she and Bob were taking to Deep Haven. A cozy cabin for two at a woodsy lake resort over Christmas.
This would be just the thing to add the spark back into their marriage.
She was pretty sure Bob still loved her. Probably. But lately he’d been so distant. And yeah, she’d been busy too. It wasn’t easy being the pastor’s wife. Everyone seemed to want a piece of her time. She filled in for the nursery attendant, taught Sunday school, led a Wednesday women’s Bible study, and tried to stay neutral in the debates about what color to paint the church library.
When she and Bob had moved to Sunset Falls, Wisconsin, a few years before, they’d been welcomed into their new church home with open arms. The congregation there quickly felt like family.
So she didn’t mind the ways the church made demands on her time. She kind of loved it, actually. But, she admitted, it didn’t leave much time to focus on her marriage.
That ended now.
Six days in Deep Haven, just the two of them…well, anything could happen. She’d even left her flannel pajamas at home. It would be like a second honeymoon.
She glanced around the auditorium of Weber Music Hall. Its distinctive domed roofline captured and enhanced the music soaring through the space. The golden wood paneling warmed the room. Overhead, she glimpsed the night sky through a slim skylight, the twinkle of stars echoing back the anticipation in her heart.
The three hundred and fifty auditorium seats around her were nearly full. Stella would be happy with the turnout. She’d fretted that no one would attend a recital in the week leading up to Christmas. When Marilyn had called to confirm the details last week, Stella had even tried to dissuade them from coming.
“Don’t bother, Mom.” Her daughter’s voice on the other end of the phone had tugged at a place in Marilyn’s heart. It had always been that way. After nearly fourteen years of infertility, Marilyn and Bob had almost given up on having children when Stella, their miracle baby, had come along. Now her baby, at almost twenty-six, had blossomed into a beautiful and talented musician. All those years spent watering down the soup to pay for Stella’s music lessons were bearing fruit. “There probably won’t be enough people there to justify having the recital, but my teacher is insisting.”
“I’m sure it will be beautiful. You have such talent—your teacher just wants other people to recognize that.”
“Seriously, Mom. You don’t have to feel obligated to come.”
She sensed something else might be bothering Stella but didn’t want to push it. She always walked a fine line with her independent daughter. “Nonsense. We’ll be there just like we’ve been to all of your other recitals. Besides, this will be the last time we get to hear you play before you leave for Vienna.”