“Yes.”
“And their children?”
Her eyes were cold. “I killed those who needed to be killed, Benjamin. I will never regret it.”
“And Temur?”
Now there was a flicker in the shadows behind her eyes. “Temur was one of Zhang’s sons, yes.”
“But it sounds like there may have been some of his blood who survived.”
“It’s a big world; it’s possible.”
Ben nodded slowly. “Do you know how the Sokholov fire vampire is connected to Temur?”
“Not yet.” Tenzin’s eyes grew warm again. “But I plan to find out. And when I do? I’ll kill who needs to be killed. Do you disapprove?”
She’d told him she wanted to change, but how much change was truly possible when a soul was five thousand years old?
“Will it bother you if you do?” Ben asked softly. “Will it break your… New Year’s resolutions?”
The corner of her mouth turned up. “You mistake growth for weakness. You have encountered Sokholov now. To allow the vampire to live and continue cultivating their chaos would be weakness.”
“And what if Temur has other blood in the immortal world? What if he has descendants who don’t even know who he was?”
Tenzin’s face closed down. “Then I will consider if their lives are worthy.”
“Should you be the judge of that?”
“I’m the only one with the right, and that right was born of the blood of my own children.” She leaned forward and her eyes flashed. “I am not interested in justice.”
“Then what are you interested in? Temur paid with his blood. You just told me that. Zasha Sokholov seems like a sociopath—I’m not worried about you taking them out. But some random vampire existing in the world with this Temur guy’s blood? What would be the purpose?”
“Retribution.”
“For something they had nothing to do with?”
“Zhang took my children; I took his. That is as close to justice as I am capable of, Benjamin. The debt that Temur owed me was paid in blood. It was a different time, and I will never apologize for who I was, then or now.”
Could he live with that? Could he live with a mate whose moral compass was formed in a time when “an eye for an eye” was a progressive stance?
Could he live without her?
“I’m going to keep pushing you to grow,” Ben said. “Because I love you and I’ve learned that forgiveness isn’t weakness.”
“If you try to change me, you will be disappointed.”
“I can’t change anyone; you can only change yourself.” He reached across and took her hand. “But hopefully I can show you that change isn’t always bad.”
“And I’ll show you that power is necessary. And mercy isn’t always the answer.” She squeezed his hand. “Was the power you flexed with Cheng intentional?”
“Yes. I wanted to beat him and humiliate him because I was jealous.” And it embarrassed him now—even acknowledging those feelings felt like weakness.
“Good.” She smiled. “You need to do that more.”
Ben frowned. “What? Tenzin, I’m not proud of the fact that I was puffing my chest out like a cocky kid. Jealousy isn’t a good look.”
“But strength is. You’re seeing this the wrong way because you’re young and still somewhat stupid.”
He rolled his eyes. “I love you too.”
“Thank you.” She ignored his sarcasm. “You are moving through the immortal world with a reservoir of power bursting from you. Unless you want to be a paper tiger, you need to show that you can use it.”
He let her words sink in because in his gut, he knew she was right. “Giovanni was an assassin before he was a scholar.”
“You don’t have the anger that he did. You’d make a terrible assassin.” She raised a brow. “But yes. He was a feared killer before he was a scholar.”
“So what are you trying to say?”
“You’ve been given an opportunity to demonstrate your power on one of the largest stages in the immortal world.” She nodded. “When you see the opportunity to show what you can do, take it.”
Ben was walking through the gardens an hour before dawn when he heard a scuffling in one of the flower beds. Immediately wary, he pulled a dagger from the hidden sheath in his pants.
Only to put it away when he saw the hunched figure of Elder Li Tieguai clomping out from the dense bushes.
Ben took a step back and waited for Li to walk to the path, a metal contraption held in the man’s right hand. Though it had the appearance of a crutch, Ben knew the elder used it as a weapon, a digging instrument, and a prop to hide his power.
Of all the vampires on Penglai, Li Tieguai was the only one Ben would classify as ugly. He kept his figure hunched, wore robes that looked like old burlap sacks unless he was in the great hall, and never brushed or combed his patchy hair. His beard was scraggly, and his expression was permanently twisted so that it looked like he was constantly smelling something foul.
“Elder Li.” Ben bowed deeply. “May I assist you with something?”
“No.” The vampire growled. “The mint is particularly vigorous in that part of the garden, and one of my servants is having bowel problems. Do you want to help with his bowel problems?”
Ben blinked. “I’m not sure how I could help with that, Elder Li.”
“Exactly, but I can.” The vampire looked up at Ben. “You’re Zhang’s new son.”
“I am.”
“The one they want to find that gold dragon with the pearl eye.”
“Yes, Elder Li.”
“Have you found it yet?”
“No, sir.”
The vampire harrumphed. “Well, that’s not good for you, is it?”
“No, Elder Li.”
“Just call me Li, for fuck’s sake.” The old man waved. “The rest of my wise brothers and sisters believe this is a theft to make us lose face. To make us look weak to Sina’s people.”
Ben’s interest was piqued. “You don’t think so?”
Li tossed a clump of dirty green leaves into a basket by the edge of the path. “I don’t have a theory. It’s a great gold dragon with a black pearl eye. Does it do anything useful?” He threw up a hand. “No! I don’t give a shit about it.”
“But you agree it will make the elders lose face if it remains lost?”
“Of course it will, but we have a little face to spare, don’t we?” He wrinkled his nose. “What do you care about it, Zhang’s son?”
Ben smiled. “Well, if nothing else, my sire gave me a task and I’d like to complete it.”
Li shrugged as if it was as good an explanation as any. “So what’s your theory?”
Ben took a chance on the irascible vampire’s burst of honesty. “I don’t think it was taken to make the elders lose face. I think it was taken because it’s a giant chunk of gold and a massive pearl and they’re worth a lot of money.”
Li picked up his crutch and brought it down on the edge of Ben’s shoe.