“Don’t come yet,” he says, releasing me. “Please, I want you to come while I fuck you. Have you ever?” My head shakes, and no words come out of my mouth. “I’ll make it good for you. You won’t regret it.”
Blake is prepared. He pulls a bottle of lube from the duffel bag he brought from the car. He dribbles some onto his fingers and applies it to my hole. Gently, he pushes the tip of his finger inside my ass. The strange pressure between my cheeks makes me want to push him out.
“Relax, babe, let me inside.” He kisses the tip of my cock. How I would love for him to take it into his mouth. “This will hurt at first, but I’ll make it feel good.”
Following his words, I let the tension go, allowing him to be able to thrust his finger all the way in. The ministration continues, moving in and out at a lazy pace. I enjoy the pressure, but mostly, the pleasure each time he hits my prostate.
Gradually he adds a second and then a third to circle my ring, stroking it, teasing as they sink deeper and deeper inside me. It. Feels. So. Good. I can’t help the moan that escapes my mouth.
“Fuck, you feel so good. You’ve made me so hard. You’re ready for me.” He tears the condom open, rolls it down his shaft, and then applies lube on the latex.
“Ready?” I nod. “On your back. I want to see your face.”
Gripping his cock, he positions himself between my thighs. The head nudges my hole, and I tense.
“Breathe, babe, you have to relax.” His voice is barely a whisper.
I swallow hard and close my eyes. This is it. Tonight, I’ll get a taste, and tomorrow, I’ll make sure to shut this need.
Never again will I desire a man. He pushes forward, easing himself inside me.
“Are you okay?” I open my eyes and slightly nod in response. “Tell me when I can move.”
My reply is a loud moan.
He takes that as a go ahead and thrusts all the way in. The intense burn awakens all my nerves. Blake fucks me with determination, yet with slow strokes. But I don’t want slow. I want fast, deeper, so I hook my legs around his ass and meet him each time he plunges himself inside me.
Desperate, I beg him to go faster.
His hand reaches between our bodies and finds my cock. He fists it and pumps at the same rhythm as he fucks me. The moment my balls tighten, my entire vision is reduced to only him. Blake. We both groan when he plunges one last time all the way inside my ass and my cum sprays his chest.
Coming down from the high and watching Blake collapse on top of me while realizing I’ve failed my family and God, make me jet out of the room.
I hear Blake’s protests as I flee. They make me hate myself even more. It was good until I remembered that it should be bad.
Chapter Six
Matthew
“What happened to you?”
Tristan glances at me and shakes his head.
I know he hides who he is, but the fear in his eyes tells me that maybe he’s afraid. He looks haunted.
Did someone hurt him for being different?
I’ve heard so many stories and horrible tales, of men and women being beaten and even killed because of their sexuality. Is this why he hides?
When I met him, I thought we had a connection, but he began to hate me right after. Maybe he hates what I represent or resents that I can be myself. This man. This poor man needs a friend and someone who’ll tell him that it’s okay to be himself. He’s safe and he’ll be loved.
No one has told him that he should believe in himself. I wish I could give him a thread of hope. Something to hang onto while he heals. There’s so much I’d like to say and ask.
The least I want to do is to reach out and pull him into an embrace, but I can’t just assume this is why he keeps to himself. That he battles monsters and ghosts every single day.
What if I’m wrong?
But what if I push those walls and help him fight his internal demons?
I can feel the open wound beneath the cold armor he wears. He reminds me a little of Thea, the bartender in Silver Moon. She’s a loner and keeps a barrier between herself and everyone else. I try to destroy them, but she reinforces them every time I get too close.
It’s a fun battle that I plan to win. When I look at Tristan, I wonder if it’s worth trying to get to know him.
There’s something that pulls me to Tristan and Thea, and yet, both keep pushing me away. I can’t help but wonder why I’m attracted to them.
“Sorry,” I finally break the silence.
“For?”
“Everything that happened to you. It must have been jarring and so painful that it made you hide from everyone—even yourself. I bet you’re worth getting to know.”
He scoffs. “I wouldn’t know.”
With the fear that he might reject me, I reach for his hand. This time instead of encircling his wrist, I intertwine our fingers. “Maybe we could do it together. We can dig and find the guy who got buried under the battles you had to fight.”
“I doubt there’s anything underneath.”
That’s probably one of his biggest problems. There are parts of himself he doesn’t know because he loathes himself.
“Neither one of us can be sure of what’s there until we try to shovel all the debris from your heart and your soul.”
He snorts. “Listen, I understand that you have a great family, but—”
“They can be yours too, if you open yourself to the possibilities.”
He stops abruptly, snatches his hand away, and stares at me, almost frozen. I don’t know if he’s breathing or if I should call 9-1-1.
“I can’t,” he mumbles. “We… you and I…”
“Well, you’re thinking too highly of yourself. I’m not coming onto you, Cooperson.” I wink at him. “You’ll know when I do.”
He shakes his head in desperation, but I notice the corner of his lip suppressing a smile. At least I’m helping him relax, even if he won’t admit it.
“I’m simply stating that my family will be happy to welcome you, Tristan.”
He taps his chest with his free hand. “I do better on my own.”
“Do you?”
He gives me a sharp nod.
“Or maybe that’s part of your defense mechanism. It’s easier to isolate yourself and believe that you can be on your own,” I step closer to him, and whisper, “Because the alternative is scary. Opening yourself to friendships can bring heartache, can’t it?”
He remains still, and though I want to pull him into a hug, I don’t do it. I won’t force him to do anything, but I’ll stick around, poking at the holes in that big wall until I’m able to get through it and become a part of his life.
“Why don’t we go home? I’ll make you dinner and then you can ignore me for the rest of the weekend.”
He nods a couple of times before we continue our way to the car. Maybe this Sunday I’ll take him home to my family, and we’ll convince him that having people who understand him isn’t bad.
This might not be easy, but I’m willing to do it because… Why am I so focused on him?
Who knows, and hopefully, I won’t get hurt while I help him. It’s not like I can fall in love. God knows I’ve tried several times, I just can’t seem to find the right person, or maybe I’m not made for that.