“No he doesn’t. He thinks of you like someone he’s either screwing or dying to screw.”
I wish I didn’t feel the momentary thrill those words elicit.
He did kiss me.
He said my name when he did it.
Yes, and then he said he doesn’t see me “that way”.
“You’re completely wrong,” I say. “He used to babysit for me. He acts like that with every guy who comes near me or Ginny.”
“If that’s true, then why didn’t he seem worried at all about Ginny coming out with us tonight?”
I shrug. “Maybe he just figured, because we dated … that you weren’t a threat to her.”
“So am I?” he asks, sidling closer to me. “A threat?”
“No,” I scoff, stepping back a little. “You’ve probably caught more diseases on this tour than medical research has even uncovered.”
“You know I always use condoms.”
“You don’t wear them for everything,” I say pointedly.
“I can’t catch anything that way,” he argues.
I’m not sure that’s true. I’m also not going to risk finding out. “Well, I can, so the answer’s no.”
“Damn,” he says. “You still give the best blow job I’ve ever had. I trained you well.”
I’d assumed that he was hooking up right and left all summer, but it still stings to have it thrown in my face. “I’m glad you’ve had ample opportunities to compare and contrast,” I snap.
“I’d give it all up if you’d come on tour with us,” he offers, suddenly earnest. “In a heartbeat.”
I thought he might suggest it, and I thought it was possible I’d still be tempted. But I’m not. Not even close. There’s only one person I want, and I’d give almost anything to be sitting with him on the deck right now. One person who could spend the entire night ignoring me or avoiding me, and make it entirely worthwhile with a single smile.
Ryan’s bandmates invite us back to the place where they’re crashing when the bar closes. “I’m going home,” I say.
“Well I’m staying out,” says Ginny, a little defiantly. She’s been drinking, but I know from experience that there’s no point in arguing with her. Fortunately I can trust Ryan and his friends not to push her into anything she doesn’t want to do.
“You sure, Elle?” Ryan asks. He tucks a curl behind my ear again, and for just a moment he’s the sweet version of himself. The one who played me songs on his guitar and brought me flowers when I got my first D on an exam. But he’s also the guy who admits he can’t keep it in his pants unless I’m there to play watchdog. And most of all, he’s not James.
“I’m beat.”
I walk into the house feeling defeated in a number of ways. James sits inside with a book in his hand that he doesn’t seem to be reading, and when he sees me there is relief on his face.
“Were you waiting up for us?” I ask.
He shrugs. “I just didn’t trust that guy. Where is he anyway? And where’s my sister?”
“They went to someone’s house,” I say. “They’ll probably be home in a while.”
I sit on the chair opposite him and kick off my heels. The movement catches his attention for a moment. He’d never admit it, but I think he likes my legs.
“Did you have fun?” he asks.
“Not really.”
“Why did you guys break up?”
“A lot of reasons,” I reply. “But the clincher was that he wanted me to come on tour with him this summer, and said he wouldn’t be able to stay faithful to me if I didn’t.”
His eyes darken. “I knew he was an asshole.”
“I kind of get it,” I reply. “When he’s on stage, he’s irresistible. Even to me, probably even now. He has these beautiful girls throwing themselves at him after his shows. He was just being realistic, more than anything else. But I don’t want the pressure of being with someone who always has a dozen other offers.”
James answers, meeting my eye. “Any guy who’s with you should be able to get a hundred offers and not think twice.” A shiver runs up my spine at the intensity in his voice. Goosebumps spread over the back of my arms.
I stretch out my legs, ostensibly to survey the state of my pedicure. Actually, it’s a small test of Ryan’s theory. I want to know if James will check out my legs again.
He does, so quickly I wouldn’t have caught it if I weren’t watching for it.
“I’m going to bed,” I tell him. There’s something shifting and restless in him. “You’re going for a run, aren’t you?”
“Yep,” he says, tension creeping into his voice. “How’d you know?”
I shrug. “I just did. You get this look on your face.”
I bend over to pick up my heels, with a sudden certainty that he’s going to look at my ass when I do it. God knows he’ll see more than he planned on with the length of this dress. I hear it then, just the tiniest strangled noise from his throat.
I go to my room and he leaves, and it’s not until I’m laying in bed that I realize the most telling thing of all: he wasn’t waiting up for Ginny. He was waiting up for me.
Chapter 24
It’s a text that wakes me the next morning, a text from Brian, informing me that I’m closing tonight. Irritation sets my stomach burning, because this is undoubtedly James’s doing. Is it because he distrusts Ryan? Or is it possible that James just doesn’t want me with anyone else? And while I desperately want the latter to be true, the selfishness of it pisses me off: he doesn’t want to go out with me, but he’s going to make sure no one else does either? What kind of bullshit is that?
Ginny blinks at me in confusion as I throw on my clothes. “What time is it?” she whispers. She sounds a little rough.
“9:30. Did you have fun?”
She nods slightly, and then grabs at her head. “Shit. It hurts to nod.”
“It was that fun, huh?” I laugh quietly.
Then something triggers her to open her eyes fully, and a look of horror crosses her face.
“What’s wrong?” I ask.
She looks at me and swallows, still thinking. “I hooked up with someone.”
“Are you okay?”
“I can’t believe I did that,” she says quietly, pushing her face into her pillow. “I mean, not once in three years have I cheated on Alex.”
“How was it?”
“Kinda good,” she sighs, but this fact only seems to trouble her more.
“Who was it?” I ask, wondering for a moment, if it’s Ryan. Wondering if it would bother me.
“Paul,” she says. “The drummer.”
Of anyone she could have chosen, Paul is the most unlike Alex of any of them. He gets a new tattoo every week, smokes a ton of weed and appears to have no intention of ever graduating. I guarantee he’s never been to a “Young Democrats” meeting on campus. And he’s certainly not their president.
“Ginny, I think you have some wild oats to sow before you get all settled down.”