“Do you love him?” Jennifer moved right to the point.
“I don’t know. I mean . . . I like him a lot. There isn’t a day we don’t talk.”
“His day job is your front yard, that isn’t hard.”
“We talk talk. Emotions and problems and solutions. He gets me.”
“But you don’t want kids.”
“I want to live a little. Playing parent to two grieving teenagers and not being able to cry myself was awful. I still see the bags under my eyes when I look in the mirror sometimes. I’ve been doing what I have to do for so long, having the option to do something else is liberating. Having kids changes all that. You’re a mom, you know.”
Jennifer nodded. “I completely agree.”
“See.” Parker stabbed at her salad as if it cussed her out.
“I wouldn’t change it for the world.”
“Ugh. You’re not helping.”
“Listen, I’m not saying you should or shouldn’t have kids. I think if more people realized they didn’t want them before they had them, there would be less screwed-up kids out there. But you didn’t say you didn’t want kids because you didn’t like them, that you didn’t understand them . . . that you don’t love even the lil’ shits that cause the biggest problems on the playground. You said you didn’t want them because you wanted to have a life. So tell me what that life looks like to you.”
That was easy. “Get a real job, go back to school. Maybe take a trip somewhere.”
“Like Cabo?”
The question smacked her upside the head.
“Yeah.”
“What kind of real job? And what kind of school?”
“I don’t know. Court reporters make good money. Maybe I’ll get a paralegal degree.”
“You see yourself sitting in an office?”
“Maybe. I don’t know.”
“Every time I’ve asked you this question you’ve given me the same answer. You don’t know.”
She was starting to feel less than adequate as the conversation moved on.
“What about Colin . . . Do you see him in this ambiguous future of yours?”
“I want to. It’s hard to see beyond what’s right in front of me right now. Day by day, hour by hour.”
Jennifer shook her head. “You’ve lived like that for as long as I’ve known you.”
“Yes, but more so since the fire.”
“I’ll give you that. My guess is you know Mallory and Austin’s next moves on the chessboard of life while you sit on the sidelines in a constant state of flux.”
Parker opened her mouth to argue, realized she couldn’t, then shut it. “I don’t think Colin lives that way, and I don’t want to be the one to drag him down with me.” Her life felt a little like quicksand these days.
“Someone is feeling sorry for herself. It doesn’t sound like you’re dragging Colin anywhere. He saw your crazy train coming and jumped on board with a backhoe. Why don’t you stop stressing about what might be tomorrow and enjoy today? If he has a real issue with the kid factor, he’ll let you know. Until then, stop letting it mess with your head.”
“You don’t think I’m misleading him?”
“You told him you don’t want kids, he told you he did. No one is misleading anyone. Enjoy life for a few minutes, Parker. Enjoy having someone to lean on. That’s the difference between what you’ve been doing the last few years and what I’ve been doing. Sam is my rock. Raising kids is a ton easier with a husband. I don’t think I could do it without him.”
“You could,” Parker said.
“You’re right. But God willing, I won’t have to.”
“Thanks, Jennifer.”
“You’re welcome. Now, tell me about the circus in your yard. Do you have running water yet?”
She closed her eyes and whined. “Noooo . . .”
The weather eased up for exactly three days, allowing Colin enough time to set his crew in motion to help get the main water line attached through the wash. They were fighting the clock . . . another set of storms was set to roll in.
He had crews filling the rocks around the structures with a form of shotcrete in hopes of keeping them in place instead of breaking loose and becoming part of the problem. So far, the structures themselves had been repaired twice and now had twice as much metal wedged on the down side to keep them in place. Each passing storm, while devastating, was holding back and stopping right at the breaking point.
Parker was off the property, and he was hoping to have the water main turned on before she got home. He and four of his crew were in the wash working as fast as they could. They’d dammed up the water but only had a short window of time before it overflowed. The massive pipe they buried the main in should hold, or so he told himself. He had one of his best operators backfill with large rocks to stabilize the thing. Ten minutes before he saw Parker drive in, he’d turned the water on and tested it.
She stopped on the north side of the wash in the middle of her driveway and jumped out. “Is that what I think it is?”
“It’s in.”
His men were all grins.
She jumped up and down like a ten-year-old getting a pony for Christmas. She ran to him with open arms. “Thank you, thank you, thank you!”
Parker then turned to the crew and hugged them all, too. “You have no idea how happy this makes me.”
“I might have a clue,” Colin teased.
She laughed. “I meant everyone else.” She looked down at the pipe. “You sure that’s going to hold?”
Every single one of them shrugged their shoulders.
Colin was a little more confident. “It’s not going anywhere.”
“You sure?” The other guys weren’t so convinced.
He shook his head and then ended with a shrug. “Who the hell knows?”
Parker laughed. “I won’t place any bets, then. Maybe the worst of the storms are behind us.”
Yeah, he wasn’t banking on that either. He did accept her final hug and kiss.
“How about tacos for lunch tomorrow? I’ll put the order in now and have them delivered.”
“You don’t have to do that.”
“You’re right. I want to. Just tell me how many guys will be here for lunch and I’ll get it here.”
“Okay, but only because it seems to make you happy.”
She winked. “Lots of things make me happy.”
One of the guys made a whoop noise and abruptly turned away when Colin looked at him.
She pulled his arm so he could walk with her. “Thanks again, guys.”
A chorus of you’re welcomes followed them as she walked toward her car. Once out of earshot, she started talking.
“Mallory texted earlier, wanted to make sure Austin and I were going to be home tonight and that you weren’t going to be here.”
“Did I forget something?”
“No. We didn’t have plans . . . it’s a strange request. Is anything going on with Jase that you know of?”
“I have no idea.”
“If you hear of anything . . .”
“I’ll let you know.”