“No matter how scary it gets, no matter how worried you are and how freaked out you get when you watch the news, you have to stay positive,” Elodie told Ashlyn seriously. “The last thing Slate needs is to be distracted while on a mission because he thinks you can’t handle what he does for a living.”
Ashlyn thought about that for a moment and knew her friend was right. Slate needed to keep his mind on what he was doing, not thinking about how she was coping with his absence.
“So…have things gotten more serious between you and Slate?” Carly asked. “Last I heard, you guys were still casual.”
“We are,” Ashlyn told her. “But that doesn’t mean I can’t worry about him.”
“Oh, I know, I wasn’t implying that,” she said quickly.
“When we were just friends, I worried about him too,” Ashlyn said a little defensively.
“It’s different now though, isn’t it?” Lexie asked. “No matter how much you try to tell us that things are super-duper laid-back between you guys, there’s no way you can sit there and tell us that you don’t feel differently about his deployments now that you’re dating.”
Lexie was right. It was different. But Ashlyn couldn’t put her finger on why. She’d spent the night at his house the evening before he left, and the sex was more intense than ever. Still mind-blowing, and he’d still made her come several times before getting off himself. But it was more…intimate somehow. He didn’t seem as rushed or desperate. Slate had taken his time, been gentler with her…as if he wanted to prolong everything, as reluctant to leave as she was to see him go.
“It’s different,” Ashlyn finally admitted.
All five women nodded, no explanation necessary.
“I do have to say, I never really understood the need for you guys to all get together when the team deployed. I mean, I was certainly happy to join you and hang out in Kenna’s posh condo, but I didn’t get it. I do now.”
“What do you get, precisely?” Elodie asked.
“The need to connect with people who know what you’re feeling. Who won’t judge you for freaking out a bit about something you have no control over. About taking time, even if it’s only one night, to admit that you’re scared and worried and even a little depressed before putting on our big girl panties and getting on with life until the guys come home,” Ashlyn said.
“Exactly,” Lexie said softly.
“Yup,” Carly agreed.
“Spot on,” Elodie added.
Monica nodded.
“That’s exactly why I want you guys here,” Kenna said. “I know you’re feeling the same things I am, and it’s okay not to be strong all the time. We all know we need to suck it up and continue living our lives when the guys are gone, but it feels nice knowing we aren’t alone in our fears.”
“There are times when I want to say ‘screw this’ and go down to the justice of the peace to get married,” Carly admitted. “I mean, yeah, we have some time until our wedding date, but what if something happens to Jag? What if he gets deployed again and it’s a long-term mission? I just want to be his wife, and I feel selfish that I want to have some semblance of a traditional wedding.”
“Don’t feel bad about that,” Elodie said immediately. “You know Jag wants the wedding as much as you do.”
“I can’t help but think about Stuart missing the birth of our daughter,” Monica admitted. “Women have babies all the time without the dad being there, but he’s just so excited about seeing her born that it would kill me if he missed it.”
“Midas and I aren’t in any hurry to get married, but I know he worries about something happening to him every time he leaves. He put me down as the beneficiary on his life insurance, which I can’t stand to even think about, but he insisted that if we weren’t going to get married right away, he wanted to make sure I was taken care of, just in case,” Lexie shared.
“This military spouse and girlfriend thing isn’t for wimps, that’s for sure,” Kenna said on a sigh.
Ashlyn nodded along with everyone else…but all of a sudden, she felt like a fraud. She’d felt more a part of the group tonight than ever before, since she was now dating Slate. But hearing all of her friends’ concerns, she once again felt kind of like an outsider.
“Okay, this conversation has gotten too depressing,” Kenna declared. “We need to talk about something else for a while.”
“How’s the job going, Monica? Are you still loving working with the kids at the Head Start Center?” Carly asked.
“It’s awesome,” Monica said. “I’m actually going to miss everyone so much when I take time off after having the baby. But the good thing is that I can take her to work with me when I return, and I won’t have to worry about finding reliable and trustworthy childcare.”
After about thirty minutes of general chitchat about raising children in today’s culture, how the planning for Carly’s wedding was going, if anyone had seen or heard from the mysterious Baker recently (no one had), and discussing plans for an actual girls’ night out instead of just holing up in Kenna’s condo like they usually did, Lexie asked Ashlyn about one of their Food For All’s clients.
“I forgot to ask you yesterday when you came back from your deliveries, did you see Marcus? Was he okay?”
Marcus was one of their regulars. He’d broken up with his ex-girlfriend a while ago, who hadn’t taken the separation very well. In short, she went bat-shit crazy when he started dating someone else, and had decided if she couldn’t have Marcus, no one could. After weeks of harassing him, she’d broken into his apartment and beaten the shit out of the man. Someone had called the cops, and his ex was arrested.
Ashamed, Marcus tried to cancel his deliveries. He was already struggling to make enough money to support himself, let alone to give his new girlfriend everything he felt she deserved. Ashlyn refused to let him cancel, persuading him to stay on the program until he found better-paying work.
“His ex really did a number on him, “Ashlyn said. “I mean, I’m not naïve enough to think that women can’t abuse men, but I swear if the cops hadn’t gotten to his apartment when they did, Marcus might not have survived. He told me that she’d just run into the kitchen to get a knife when the police arrived.”
“Holy shit, seriously?” Elodie asked.
“Yeah.”
“But she’s in jail, right?” Monica asked, worry lacing her voice.
“For now. When I saw how badly injured he was, I made some calls,” Ashlyn said. “There are battered women shelters that help in situations like this, but there aren’t any battered men shelters that do the same thing. I get it, the majority of people in abusive relationships are women, but that doesn’t mean men aren’t in desperate situations as well. Anyway, after talking to three different organizations, I finally found someone who was willing to help. Marcus was reluctant to accept assistance at first, but I think his ex really scared him, and he knows if he doesn’t disappear, next time she might finish what she started.”
“The island’s not that big,” Kenna said. “Do you really think he can hide from her?”