I’m presently standing in a long line made up of mostly women and have been doing so since I saw you yesterday. Many others in front and behind me are mothers with their young children. I don’t know if the decision I made for you and Nora was right or wrong and I will have to go on without knowing until we see each other again. I pray my instincts were correct. This line weaves around buildings in rows that seem never ending. No one knows what lies ahead, what we’re waiting for, or where we are heading. I haven’t seen one person return from the direction we’re facing, which can only mean two possibilities and we’re moving farther away from where the train let us off.
When I try to overhear surrounding chatter and other assumptions, I can only focus on the sound of muffled whistles and I’m not sure of the source. The same instinct I had with you and Nora, when offering you up to that man, tells me I could be walking to my end—whatever that may mean.
I’m not scared, and I want you to know this because if there is anything I’ve learned in life, it’s that there are no guarantees or promises of a tomorrow. I’m grateful for the life I have had with your Papa and you two beautiful girls. If this is the accumulation of the gifts in my life, I’ve been lucky.
I want you to know how incredible you are, and I’m afraid I may not have said it enough. You have been a best friend to your sister, me, and your papa. You blessed our lives through song and cheer, even on the dreariest days. To see through gloom with hope is a gift, one I hope you never lose. You will light up this world and help others see brighter days when they, too, have been stuck beneath a dark cloud. Your relentless courage to lead rather than follow, and often dare to seek what many others haven’t sought, is something I might have held you back from when you were younger, but I believe your strength and desire to conquer will bring you to mountain tops where trouble can’t reach you.
It is my prayer that you and Nora can stay together and take care of one another. Perhaps you will become lucky, and Papa will find you both, too. I know he will fight just as I will to find you and do whatever possible to protect you both from the tyrants of this war. Nothing but death will stop us, and I hope you know this.
When the stormy weather clears, and it will, you will find your way. Love will be the sun on the horizon and life will give you an abundance of happiness, just as you’ve given to so many others.
Look for me in the rain drops, in the glow from the sun, lyrics to a song you love, and there you will find me on the other side watching over you.
I love you, Arina. I hope that you don’t lose what has made you the person you are—one that can overcome all evil with a bright smile.
Forever,
Your mama
With love, hugs, and kisses.
With tears in my eyes and a relief of pressure off my chest, I peer up at Nora. She’s still reading her note, looking the way I feel inside. Mama knew it was the end, even though she didn’t truly know. She is likely disappointed in my behavior from this past year, but maybe she isn’t. I’ve continued to search for what I need and the trouble and pain that has come along with it are bumps in the road. But I must continue until I reach the top of whatever it is I’m destined to find. A piece of Mama is with me now.
Nora falls back into her pillow and holds the note above her face, staring at the words as if they are coming to life and filling her soul.
TWENTY-EIGHT
NORA
CHICAGO, UNITED STATES, FEBRUARY 1947
My Dearest Nora,
My baby, the youngest by fifteen minutes—as I waited for you to join your sister in this world, I knew right then you were taking your time to ensure everything you were about to do was proper, perfect, and remarkable. I was right.
You are most like me, whereas Arina is more like your Papa. We each have one little reflection and it has made our lives beautiful. You have never shied away from reality, but instead, plan and prepare for what lies ahead. When there are hurdles in the distance, you plan for the speed you will need to move to jump high enough off the ground, but then delicately land on your feet after. You view the world as if it’s made up of its details and fractions of truths, some of which deceive the eye and appear as a source of beauty. Your gift is the ability to see through fools and move past the insignificant illusions most others are drawn to. I believe your insight will lead you to only the right doors in life.
With that said, my darling, I have been sitting here in the corner of our apartment in the Munkács ghetto, fearing what lies ahead for us all. I am praying for us all that we don’t find ourselves walking toward a destination where no one returns, but I have a terrible foreboding feeling that the last page of my story is near. I dearly hope I’m wrong, but if by chance I’m not, I need you to know I’m not afraid and no matter what happens next, I won’t be in turmoil because I have lived a blessed life with you, Arina, and Papa. I have everything I could have ever wanted and if it is all I receive in this lifetime, it’s okay.
I want you and your sister to take care of each other, always and forever. If Papa makes it through this war, I know he will do the same, but if you two are all that remain of our family, you both make up Papa and me and can survive with what you are made from.
You have already faced obstacles in life and sweep them away as if they are the dust beneath a broom, and I know whatever else you might face will have reason that will lead you to purpose.
Look for me—a sign of hope in the reflections of puddles, and the butterflies with messages, and when you draw, I will be a part of each detail, and the shimmer of light forging a spotlight on your masterpieces.
Teach others to be as kind and giving as you. Show the world that the ability to be unique is uncommon and valuable, like a rare diamond. Test your boundaries, trust by the look in another’s eyes, and if you find someone just like you—hold on to them and share the rare beauty of what you see together.
My one wish is for you to always understand the deeper meanings in life and to cherish the past while using each lesson as a stepping stone to a better place than you’ve been before.
I love you, my darling little girl.
Forever,
Your mama
With love, hugs, and kisses
“A-a-are you okay?” I ask Arina, who has been staring at me as I reread the note twice.
“I think I am,” Arina says. “She had one wish or hope—”
“F-f-for me ’oo.”
“I guess we better work on granting those wishes for her.”
TWENTY-NINE
ARINA
CHICAGO, UNITED STATES, MARCH 1947
“I’ve been thinking,” I tell Nora as we settle our breakfast trays down on the table in the mess hall. Nora lifts a banana and tears the stem off while staring at me, waiting for me to continue. “There’s a jazz club a couple of streets away. Maybe they’re looking for musicians. I could go down there and see if they might be interested in talking to me. We keep talking about ways to earn money and haven’t come up with a proper plan. For now, it might be a good place to start.” I’m positive she won’t like the idea of me singing in a club, but between the two of us, we’ve come up with very few ideas about what we’re going to do when we leave here and we’re running low on time.