Jaydah hopped off the snowmobile and hugged her fiercely, cracking her back with the force. She hopped up and down, laughing. “I knew it! I knew you would get it.”
And that touched Eryn’s heart, because damn, it felt good to have someone believe in her.
Jaydah froze and pushed her back to arms’ length. “Then why don’t you want to celebrate?”
It was no use lying to Jaydah. All bear shifters could hear a lie. Honesty was best. “I have been thinking about Kian.”
“You have been worrying about Kian,” Jaydah guessed.
Eryn dropped her gaze. Softly she admitted, “Yes. I have been worrying about him. I know I have no right to even think about him anymore, but there it is. I am worried. I’m scared of going back to the Clan and finding he does not exist anymore. If that is so, I feel like my bear will need to avenge him. So stupid. He isn’t mine anymore. And I’ve thought a lot about this. Perhaps he was never mine. Our pairing was…cold. It was a match made by the council. It was not like you and Biergon’s pairing,” she whispered.
Jaydah’s eyes softened. “I didn’t have a love match with Biergon before his bear chose another human side. He died and came back…different. Before that, I understood the cold you speak of. Did he give you any warm moments?”
“What does it matter now?” Eryn asked. “I wish he gave me no warm moments at all. Then my heart wouldn’t betray me so much now.”
“It’s not a betrayal to feel, Eryn. Now, come on. Let’s have our girls’ night to celebrate.”
“But—”
“He lives.” Jaydah said it fast, cutting off Eryn’s thought process.
A swirl of mixed emotions filled her. Good. Good! The world would be a sadder place if he didn’t exist. But now he was closer than he had been before. She’d been glad that he’d gone with the Old Clan when they split off from Biergon the Dead because she wouldn’t have to see him so much, but clearly he’d been shunned.
Jaydah cupped her cheeks. “He’s not one of the bad ones, Eryn.”
“Says a woman who wasn’t unpaired by him. He feels like a bad one to me.”
Jaydah shook her head slowly. “He brought you to us to keep you safe, not to get rid of you. His life would’ve been easier if he gave you to the Old Clan for punishment for betraying them. He didn’t make it easier. In a way, he chose you by unpairing you.”
Eryn didn’t know what to think of that. She needed time with those words. Perhaps tonight as she laid in bed she would mull all of this over, but for now it was too much. “Now what?”
“And now you must learn to forgive the past and move forward. Always move forward.”
Eryn swallowed hard. “He’s eating?”
“Foster got a signal on the cell phone and called. Told me all about it. Kian has eaten through most of our frozen beef stew. He will be right as rain soon, and will tell us what happened to him when he is ready.”
“No he won’t,” Eryn promised. “He doesn’t speak easy of things like this. He doesn’t speak easy of anything at all. I think I want to paint my nails pink. Or perhaps purple. He always hated girly colors, but I am my own woman now.”
Jaydah perked up and gave her a knowing smile. “Pink or purple it is.”
Chapter Four
“What is he doing out there?” Eryn asked to no one in particular as she stared out the front window of the females’ cabin. She could make out Kian’s back as he sat on a picnic table just on the edge of the woods. He was wearing furs, and she couldn’t see his face. He hadn’t moved in minutes.
Anya ignored her question and asked, “Why did you never move into Kian’s cabin?”
The question caught her off guard, so she ripped her gaze away from his back and turned to Anya.
The brunette woman was sewing a new fur jacket. “Where did you get fresh furs?” she asked.
“I trapped two wolves.”
Eryn frowned. “On your own?”
Anya huffed a breath and set the furs onto her lap. “So you think that because Ledger was labeled the trapper, I did not pick up a thing or two in the five years we were paired? I can trap too.” Her voice sounded a mix of offended and a little hurt, and Eryn understood. Her regret was instant.
“I shouldn’t have asked like that. Of course you learned to trap. I just didn’t know you were to the point where you were trapping in the woods alone.”
Anya shrugged up a shoulder. “You get jobs in town, and I will make money a different way. And someday, I will live in my own cabin. Not just the females’ cabin.”
Eryn smiled. “Will you let me host a housewarming party for you when you do?”
Anya’s face morphed into a smile. “I would like that.”
With a single nod, Eryn told her, “Good. I look forward to it.”
“You didn’t answer my question,” Anya said, returning her attention back to sewing the jacket. “Why did you never move in with Kian? You were paired for two years, but you stayed in that room the whole time.” She nodded her head toward the hallway. Anya was right.
“I shouldn’t speak of my pairing—”
“Why not?” Tayah asked from where she was putting more firewood into the wood-burning stove. She hadn’t even realized Tayah was listening. She was kind of mean, and Eryn was pretty sure Tayah hated her. Hell, Tayah probably hated everyone.
“Because…we were taught to be respectful of…”
“A man who unpaired you?” Tayah barked, turning to level Eryn with a dirty look. “You can speak of him however you like.”
Eryn inhaled deeply and steeled herself for the admission. “I wasn’t trying to protect him. I was trying to protect me. I didn’t move in with Kian because he only had one bedroom in his cabin and he didn’t like to sleep with me.”
“Lies. I saw you two fucking in the woods on two occasions, and also on the day you distracted him from being Jaydah’s guard.”
Eryn dropped her eyes to the carpet. “Yes, but there is a difference between fucking and sleeping together. And he did not enjoy the idea of sleeping with me.”
“Did you enjoy the idea of sleeping with him?” Anya asked curiously.
“Yes. I would’ve moved into his cabin if he would’ve showed signs of a love match. That wasn’t the pairing we had though.”
Tayah was staring hard at her, making her uncomfortable. She parted her lips and Eryn just knew something poisonous would come out, but Tayah surprised her. “I bet he got mauled because he was defending you. I bet that’s what he’s doing out there too.”
She stood from where she was kneeling by the wood stove and jammed a finger at the pot of boiling stew. “He should eat. He looks like shit.” And then she turned and made her way down the hall toward her bedroom, leaving Eryn and Anya staring after her with matching stunned faces.
“Could be,” Anya muttered. “Could be he was defending you. Or defending Biergon the Dead as king. Either way, the enemy of an enemy is a friend.” Anya lifted her eyes to Eryn with some kind of significant look Eryn didn’t understand, and then returned her attention to the coat. “Tayah is right. He should eat. I can smell his blood from here.”