“Sweetheart,” he murmured.
Her voice was breathy, heavy with imminent tears.
“My so-called friends, the other WAGs, were talking to the press, saying I’d broken his heart and that all he wanted to do was reconcile with me, and I refused to take his calls. I couldn’t go to the preschool where my internship was without being hounded by the press. They told me it would be better if I took a break. And then I was so stressed that I couldn’t finish my degree. The university suggested I take time off because I was failing my classes and …” Her breath hitched. “It was just all too much. And I couldn’t tell my side of it. If he’d cheated on me, I’d shout to the hilltops. But cheating the sport he supposedly loved … I couldn’t breathe a word. He was doing illegal things, and if I talked about them publicly, he could get into serious trouble. Sure, the team knew, but they were happy to cover. He begged me to stay quiet. Even though we weren’t together anymore, I still cared for him.”
Gallagher had this loyalty, and he threw it all away? “But he managed to fuck up his life all by himself.”
“That’s one way to look at it.”
“That’s the only way to look at it, Pepper. He’s a grown man responsible for his actions. Did you tell him to take drugs?”
“No, but I wanted to help him. I wanted to be a good girlfriend and fiancée, and I think I probably handled it wrong. He was going through some bad stuff, and I wasn’t as supportive as I should have been.” She added in a lower voice, “All because I was horny.”
“What?”
“If I hadn’t pushed him to get busy, he wouldn’t have had to get mad about not being able to—well, y’know—and it never would have exploded into this problem.”
One way to look at it. Wrong, but he wouldn’t say that yet. “How did you find out?”
“I came across a pill bottle in his toiletry bag when I was looking for a bandage. I snooped and looked them up, along with the side effects. It was kind of a relief to know that maybe I wasn’t completely terrible at sex, though he still maintained that wasn’t it.”
Meaning he’d rather blame this beautiful woman for his failings instead of the real culprit. “And you still wanted to be the good fiancée?”
Her nose twitched. “I wanted to help.”
“But you knew you weren’t the problem, right, Pepper? You knew that doing that shit changes a guy, not just physically, but makes him an asshole? Though sounds like he was one already if he’s gonna go there.”
“I know that.”
“Do you? Because it seems to me you’re taking on a whole lot of responsibility here. Too much.”
She looked like she wanted to believe him, and if there was one thing he would do before their time together was over, it would be to convince her that this worldview of hers was all wrong.
Over. Why did the thought of that fill him with dread? Probably because he liked being hidden away where the world couldn’t bother them. Just the two of them, figuring shit out.
She inhaled a steadying breath. “But my life had already gone down this rabbit hole, and there was no returning from it. No internship, no degree, no job. And I couldn’t get a new one because one Google search reveals my sordid romantic history.”
“Christ, this story does not get better.”
She let out a mirthless chuckle. “And then Kent got into a fight in a bar with Dustin Marsh, one of his teammates. He was probably high, but again the team came to his rescue. Except they probably realized something had to be done, they could no longer give him the tap on the wrist, especially as his on-ice performance had gone downhill.”
Probably because he was no longer getting the benefit of the PEDs or had come to rely on them too much. Working his ass off would not have been enough to get that needed boost.
“He got dumped into the minors,” Bast confirmed with not a little glee.
“It’s a wake-up call for him, I hope. I want him to succeed.”
“Jesus, you’re a saint. He screwed you over. Made you out to be the villain when you were trying to get him healthy. Everyone thinks you cheated on him or somehow broke his heart when really, he’s the cheat. A drug cheat.”
“What am I supposed to do? Go public with the real reason we broke up? How does that help? I’ve no doubt he’s getting the assistance he needs from his team’s org at last. Me blabbing is only going to screw his life over again.”
“Yet, your life is a mess in service to his. How is that right?”
“It’s not. But two wrongs and all that.” She took a breath. “We’re not going to agree, but I’m asking you to keep this to yourself.”
He let out a low growl of discontent. “You’ve got to do something, though. A revenge dress like Princess Diana. Or maybe a revenge relationship. With me.”
“Use you to show my ex I’m doing just fine without him?”
“I don’t mind being used. You can use me all night, every night.” He tried to make it sound like a fun, sexy way for her to get some measure of solace here.
When really the idea had him completely bewitched. Just as Pepper herself did.
This could work, right? He was falling for this amazing woman, and now he was trying to come up with ways to be with her back in the real world.
“That’s sweet of you to offer,” she said, but much to his disappointment, she didn’t bite.
“Well, if revenge clothed or naked doesn’t float your boat, there’s always the name-a-cockroach strategy.”
“The what?”
He grinned, while his heart tried to jump out of his chest. He wanted this to continue, and he had no idea how to do that without spooking her.
“You can have a zoo name a cockroach after your ex for Valentine’s Day.”
Her eyes went round. “You’re kidding.”
“I am not. Gallagher might have screwed you over, but you’ve got this in your back pocket.”
“Kent the Roach. It has a ring to it.”
“Right?” He tightened his grip on her and pulled her in close. “What I’m trying to say is that you don’t have to accept the status quo. It’s completely up to you how to make the change you want to see. I know that sounds kind of sappy, but I truly believe it.”
In fact, he just needed to follow his own damn advice.
Her eyes were soft and shiny. “It doesn’t sound sappy at all. Thanks for listening. It means the world.”
She kissed him, then, her lips sucking on his in a way that made him lose his mind. He let himself be swept away in the heat of her, the sheer delight this closeness made him feel. The only possible response was hard and hungry, which he indulged in for several soul-searing seconds.
He pulled back. “Is that you saying you’re done talking about this?”
“Kind of?”
“So you’ve figured out the sex as distraction thing pretty quickly.”
She giggled, and just hearing her happiness, brief though it might be, filled his soul with joy. He wanted to hear that noise every morning and every night. He wanted to be the one person who made it happen.
“I know! I’m pretty good at it, aren’t I?”