I wasn’t convinced. “I guess I worry your feelings were, I don’t know, manufactured or something.”
“I wondered about that for a nanosecond. Then I pulled out my trusty cell phone and scrolled to my favorite picture, one of you watching a sunset at the Gulf. As I looked at that pic, I knew two things. I’m in love with you—game or not, Minor or not—and more, you’re in love with me. I doan think the game likes that, any more than it likes you and Domīnija in love with each other. You and I feel this way despite the strength of the game, which makes our bond even more unexpected.”
He had a point, as compelling as ever. I missed him so badly, couldn’t stand this separation. I’d comprehended that I would always feel incomplete without both him and Aric in my life, but I hadn’t yet accepted that fact. “Then why won’t you come visit us on Kentarch’s next run? Not seeing you weighs on me.”
He scrubbed a hand over his mouth. “I would be the interloper there.”
“I wish you wouldn’t look at it that way.”
He parted his lips to say something, then seemed to think better of it.
“Tell me, Jack. Please don’t hold back.”
After a hesitation, he said, “On the way to Jubilee, I asked Kentarch what he would do if he found Issa and she was pregnant by someone else. I’ll never forget what he said: ‘Our connection is so strong that I would become a father—just by virtue of her becoming a mother.’” Jack exhaled a breath. “That.”
My breaths shallowed from emotion.
“The fact is, I want another man’s family for my own. That makes me hate Domīnija a little, and I doan want to do that. Besides, I made myself leave you twice before; doan know if I got it in me again. Woman, I’ve got to feel you with my every step. I’ve got to feel you at every second.”
We stared at each other as if we were together with only a foot between us—not separated by hundreds of miles of wasteland.
He’d told me his secret thoughts; could I share my own? I’m scared of what I’m becoming. I need you with me. I need you and Aric.
I’m beginning to think I might not make it out of this game alive.
Tee fussed, breaking the moment.
Jack cleared his throat and asked, “Does he need a change?”
I checked Tee’s diaper. “Yes, as a matter of fact. How would you know that?”
“I have a little experience, me. Back in the day, Clotile had younger half siblings she was expected to take care of, but she was just a kid, so I used to help out.”
You were just a kid too. Hell, in this life, I was just a kid. “You can rebuild a motorcycle and change a diaper? Ladies, take note.”
“Doan forget I can cook too. Which makes one of us.”
I stuck my tongue out at him, then said, “Be right back.” I took Tee to a changing pad, did a quick change, then returned to the computer.
Clean and dry, Tee turned his attention to snuggles. He yawned and curled up against me, holding my sweater with his pudgy little hands. Despite all his best efforts, he started to nod off.
Jack grinned. “Au dodo, mon biquet.” To bed, my lamb.
As Tee drifted off, I caught myself smiling down at him with adoration, then glanced up quickly.
Jack rubbed his chest, as if the feeling inside him was too much to bear. “Ah, hell, Evangeline, it ain’t ever goan to be easy with you, is it?”
I gave him a sad smile, remembering all the times he’d asked me that. My answer never varied. “Nope.”
30
The Empress
Later that night after Aric and I had quietly made love, he tucked me against his chest as Tee slept on in his crib. Logs crackled in the fireplace, the flames casting a cozy light over the room. Sweet, slow moments still happened after the apocalypse.
Aric’s drowsy voice rumbled at my ear: “I can’t help but feel I was just rewarded for arranging that call.”
I nipped his tattooed chest.
“I can tell you’re more relaxed now that Jack is safe.” He threaded his fingers through my hair.
“I am. And it meant so much to talk to him like that. Thank you for being so understanding.” Not many husbands would facilitate their wife’s relationship with another man. Of course, not many husbands believed they would be burned to a cinder in the near future.
I briefly closed my eyes, forever aware of the stakes.
“Each time I’ve spoken to the hangar crew, I’ve noticed the Sun begins most sentences with ‘Jack says’ or ‘Jack thinks.’ I believe he’s infatuated with him.”
Sol must’ve caught a bad case of hero worship during his time on the road with Jack. Happens to the best of us.
Under his breath, Aric added, “Is there anyone who doesn’t fall for Jack Deveaux?”
What to say to that? “Aww, did Joules go and lose his heart too?”
Aric’s lips curled. “How does Jack feel about potentially being a Minor?”
“He’s not sold on the idea. I can’t decide either. Do you believe he is?”
“The characteristics of the Swords apply to him, and historically, the Page of Swords has been considered an emissary between separate camps. That fits his own history in this game as well.”
“Does it change how you view him?”
“I am so conditioned to distrust other Arcana that suspicion is my first impulse.” Having read Aric’s chronicles, I understood why. “And I wonder if Minors have instincts like we do, uncontrollable instincts. Yet I still trust Jack completely. I feel he’s earned that right.”
“Good.”
“In any case, the hangar is a remarkable find. We’ll need a place to keep Tee safe if Richter attacks.”
Richter. My claws tingled. “I’m looking forward to facing him again. Me against him.”
Aric’s muscles tensed. “That can never happen.”
I sat up with a frown. “Have you forgotten that I swore revenge on him? He might not have murdered Jack, but he did murder Selena and all those people.” The Emperor’s laughter had haunted me. “And don’t forget that he tortured me for months two games ago.” Mercifully, I hadn’t recovered those memories.
“You told me you feared destroying the world if you battled him. Or dying. I believe you called yourself the nuclear option. Tell me you feel differently, and we can talk.”
Matthew had said that power was my burden. What if I began something that I couldn’t pull back from? Still, if my choices were either to have Aric burned alive inside Richter’s vile body or risk the earth . . . “The Emperor’s kill is mine—not yours. And certainly not yours because of a one-way ticket.”
In a teasing tone, Aric asked, “In the calculus between my life and the fate of humankind, should we not be rational?”
I raised my chin, fists clenched. “What if I refuse reason?”
He fell silent. Then he leaned up to cup my face in his warm hands. “You love me.”
I gazed at him, letting him see how much. “Of course I do.”
His brows drew together. “It’s more than love. You feel for me what I feel for you.”