With a forced smile, she said, “Let’s not tempt any kind of fate.” Her unspoken words: Or ourselves.
45
The Empress
I took a deep breath and opened Aric’s chronicles.
He’d left pages for his final battle. In time, I would add that story. He’d defeated one of the most dangerous Arcana ever to live; his bravery needed to be commemorated forever.
I found envelopes for Tee and Jack. I set them aside, because they were not meant for me.
My letter was inscribed in Aric’s very chronicles. Tightening my tourniquet, I began to read.
My dearest Evie,
I wrote this letter to you here for two reasons. First, because all the events in the preceding pages led me to you. And second, because this is not a private missive. Anyone who wants to read my history with this game is welcome to see what shaped me:
You.
Millennia ago, I was born, destined for you.
I hadn’t known what I would find with you; our time together humbled my most fervent dreams.
Though I spent my happiest moments here with you and then with Tee, Castle Lethe was not my home. It was my lonely fortress, the stronghold I’d selected to ride out the apocalypse and protect my lifeless possessions.
Now that I am gone, I want you, Jack, and Tee to leave this place. Lethe means to forget, but you won’t here. Reminders will beset you with grief. Find the strength to go. Remember: everything for Tee.
Besides, an Empress belongs in Haven. The life we built here is a chapter that has ended. Begin another in a settlement called Acadiana. That wasn’t only Jack’s dream; it was yours as well.
I was torn. I wanted Tee to grow up with all of Aric’s books and art, immersed in his brilliant father’s collections. But Aric was right, this wasn’t his true home.
Still, realizing I should go and doing it were two different things.
To not sleep in Aric’s bed—when I still smelled his scent on his pillow?
To leave our bedroom—when his clothes were exactly as he’d left them, as if he would return at any second?
To not eat the lotus?
I know you well, and I know you will resist. Please, Evie, learn from my card. It signifies change and new beginnings. It advises one to release what no longer serves.
Grief no longer serves you.
And yet, still you hesitate, no? So, I will tell you my final secret. A shameful one. And I hope it sparks your Empress anger.
I nearly closed the book. If my body was an emotional vessel, I was full. No room left for anger. But curiosity compelled me to read on.
When I took you as my prisoner, I reached out to the Fool, demanding some means to curtail your abilities.
As you know, he revealed an additional power of my armor and suggested the cilice. But I kept secret from you another fact: he also told me that the resulting vulnerability in my armor would kill me.
My eyes briefly slid shut. Aric had known?
Mired in resentment, I dared not trust you, but I was desperate to have you for my own. I desired you more than my own life. So I cut free the cilice. Though the Devil and I repaired my armor, the metal was stretched thin and weakened in that spot.
Zara’s rotor had struck Aric exactly there, her powers finding that vulnerability.
Then I fell in love with you, and you with me. For a time, I convinced myself I could beat the prediction, that no fate is sealed. I was selfish.
The night Aric and I had first slept together, he’d told me he would accept any risk to himself to be with me: “ . . . if I could trade seven hundred years as the victor for seven months as your husband, I would make the bargain in an instant. I would trade those centuries for seven days. Seven hours.”
He’d meant that literally.
If I had been able to trust you sooner, I would have removed the cilice from your arm and had Ogen forge it back before his demise.
A shocked breath escaped me. Matthew had told me that I was Death’s sole weakness. I had been.
To save me from Ogen, Aric had killed the only creature able to restore his armor to its original strength. Death’s desire for me, for love, had been his undoing. As soon as he’d defeated the Devil, Aric’s immortal life had become mortal.
I murmured aloud, “You should have told me. I would’ve been more patient. More understanding. I didn’t know our time was that finite.”
But wasn’t it always? Time was a thief. Even with Aric’s unending existence, an end had finally come.
I found heaven with you, the bargain well struck, but now I have left you in pain, which I cannot bear. I truly didn’t believe you could grieve me as I would grieve you. Had I known, I would have separated myself from you.
But then we wouldn’t have Tee. A person could go mad ruminating possibilities. . . .
Still, I hope you are angry with me. I hope it tempers your grief.
It didn’t. I felt no anger toward him, would’ve made the same decisions he had. And more, my feelings toward Matthew changed as well. All he’d done was provide information; Aric had acted on it.
I couldn’t blame Matthew for his death.
And though I have harmed you with my selfishness, I am not above asking ever more from you.
Please give these chronicles and my letter to Tee on his sixteenth birthday, the age I first entered this game. And tell him I could not possibly love him more than I do every second of every day.
Evie, your innate strength will see you through any adversity. You, Jack, and Tee will make it. I rest easy, confident in that. I believe in you.
Know that you and I will see each other again. I will search through the ether of eternity until we reunite.
You have my love, my dearest Evie. It’s given. Wholly entrusted to you. And you had such care with it.
ARIC (who was not forever alone)
I imagined him at this desk writing these words, and sobs threatened. Tears should be pouring. But the tourniquet and the castle kept my tenuous sanity in place. I merely sat in a bewildered daze as the sun descended across the sky—still an astounding sight.
Sometime in the late afternoon, I managed to stand to join the living downstairs. They awaited me in the kitchen.
“Tee’s down for a nap.” Jack scanned my face. “How are you doing?”
“I’m hanging in there”—on the precipice—“for now.”
“What did he say?”
“He wanted us to go start Acadiana. But I don’t think I can leave. I need all of you too much.”
Jack glanced at Circe and back. “That’s okay, peekôn, we have some time.” She opened her mouth as if to argue, but he said firmly, “Waiting a little woan kill anybody.”
46
The Empress
Day 14 N.D.
“You’re going away, aren’t you?” I asked Circe down by the riverfront. She’d taken a moment to dip her toes in the water and enjoy a sunny spring day. The birds chirped loudly, as if to make up for their forced vacation.