But no one came. No one was here.
“Don’t you see this is the only place for you? No one wants you. All you do is ruin everyone’s day with your horrid little face,” she said as she lifted me up off my feet and threw me inside, slamming the cabinet doors shut behind me.
I banged my fists against the doors.
“I’m sorry! I’m sorry! Please let me out!”
“Be quiet!” She slammed her fist on the other side of the door. “I swear, it would have been better for us all if you had died with your damned mother, you spoiled little terror.”
“Please,” I whispered, closing my eyes as total darkness now surrounded me. Please don’t leave me in the dark!
I’ll be good.
I promise.
Hugging myself, my doll now gone, I started to cry.
But no one could hear. No one ever heard.
Please!
* * *
—
“Verity! VERITY!”
“No!” I screamed loudly as my eyes opened and turned up to the canopy of the bed. I felt arms around me as I cried and gasped.
“It is all right. You are safe. I promise, my dear, you are safe.”
It took a few moments, as the nightmare of my memories faded, for me to realize I was in the arms of the marchioness herself. She hugged me tightly, rocking slowly back and forth.
“It is all right. You are all right,” she whispered, kissing the top of my head as I calmed down.
But with the calm came my shame. How loudly had I been screaming? Who else had heard? What was I to say?
“Verity, my dear girl, what is wrong?” she asked me gently.
“Nothing,” I whispered, slowly lifting myself from her arms to look at her. Her face looked so terribly…grief-stricken as she stared at me in what I knew to be pity. “Just a bad dream, Godmother.”
“Verity…” She let out a deep sigh as though she did not know what more to say.
“Truly I am fine now, forgive me for the disturbance.”
“Do you want to rest a bit longer? You need not come with us to the royal menagerie,” she said as she reached up and brushed the curls that had fallen out of my bonnet away from my face.
“But I so wish to go, Godmother,” I replied earnestly. The royal menagerie at the Tower of London was meant to show all the animals given to the royal family from across the world. “I promise you I am quite all right now.”
“Very well,” she replied as she rose from the bed. “I shall leave you to ready yourself for the day.”
I nodded, rising as well. “Thank you.”
“Not at all.” She offered one smile to me before taking her leave. I placed my hands upon my face.
When will this end?
When can I sleep and wake like everyone else?
It had been years, and still my past haunted me. I wished to forget altogether, but I could not. Now, once more, the whole house would know that I was…that I was not right. And then soon I would become a nuisance again, I knew it.
“Good morning, my lady. Did you sleep well?” Bernice asked as she entered, as though she had no idea what had occurred…Maybe she did not? Maybe only the marchioness had heard me somehow?
“I did,” I lied, and she nodded to me.
“Shall we prepare, my lady?”
I remained quiet, allowing her to help me clean and ready myself. All the while, other maids entered and went—no one mentioned or even seemed to know of my incident. By the time I walked down the stairs for breakfast I was truly confident that none had heard, and then I heard the small voice of Abena.
“Why can I not ask if she is all right at least?” the smallest of the trio at the bottom of the stairs asked her brother Hector and sister Devana.
“Mama said not to, Abena,” Hector hushed her. “We are to pretend as if it did not happen at all. So if you ask Verity if she is all right that defeats the purpose. Do you understand?”
They were speaking of me. They all knew, and I had not yet been here a week.
“No. I do not understand at all.” Abena crossed her arms. “Why is everyone acting like this is so bad? It’s just a nightmare. I get those sometimes too. I want people to ask me if I am all right.”
“She is not you, Abena,” her sister said. “And that is all you need to know. Besides, do you wish to go against Mama? She will not allow you to come to the royal menagerie.”
“Fine!” She sighed and marched from them.
I stepped away from the stairs, not wishing to go down now, but after insisting, I had no choice.
What sort of misery was this?
Theodore
This was the very worst kind of misery.
The royal menagerie was meant to show all of the ton how greatly beloved the prince regent was by showcasing the numerous animals gifted to him by rulers and peoples of the world.
“This is a lion too?” Miss Parwens gasped, the greatest of the expressions I had seen from her, as she stared up at the creature within its tiny cell. “Why does it not have a large mane like Edward there?”
She pointed to the other lion in its cage beside it.
“A lioness, a female lion, does not have a mane, Miss Parwens,” I answered, as her brother was far too busy looking over at the gathered nobility. Searching for whom, I knew not; I could only guess it was his beloved.
“And that beast there, why does it have black spots? I was not aware lions could look as such. Is it a different breed?” she pressed, pointing once more.
“No, Miss Parwens, that is a leopard,” I replied, staring as it roared and banged its head against the bars only for the guards to beat it away with clubs to the jeering amusement of the gathered crowd.
“It is quite ferocious. I thought the lions were the greatest of all beasts. Yet all these ones do is lie here.” She giggled, looking back at the lions before us. “They are nothing but big cats, like Miss Peggy, is that not right, Henry?”
“Yes, exactly. Only those in there could eat you whole, Amity. But other than that, surely there is no difference.” Henry scoffed, still searching.
“Excuse me for a moment,” I said to them both, already walking away before Henry could question why.
As I did, I could not help but watch the people more than the animals. How much joy this brought to them and how excited the children were as they built the courage to approach the animals, only to run back giggling at the slightest roar or rumble. Everyone was having such a splendid time, and I did not wish to be the one to turn it sour. However, as I walked by, I could not help but see an elephant; its keepers threw fruits at it to pick up with its long nose. And the thought came to me once again.