“More,” I said.
He pressed his knuckles against me, dragged them up and down, creating friction exactly where I wanted it. His other hand left my breast and curled over my shoulder, cupping the back of my head, which had swooned backward again.
Cal kissed my throat as I rode his hand, the tease of release peaking and falling with each movement of my hips. I was close, so close, but I needed more.
“Harder,” I said.
His hand tangled in my hair and with a sharp twist of his wrist, he pulled—the sensation sending me over.
I collapsed, gasping and damp, onto his chest, Cal’s hands at my back, holding me tight against him. I could feel his heart racing.
Once I’d caught my breath, I raised my head.
“Condom?” he asked. “Lube?”
“Bedroom,” I said, with slight apology. “So far away.”
“If I were younger, I’d carry you there,” he said.
“Old man,” I teased, my fingers in his chest hair.
He closed his eyes, smile curved with pleasure.
With great reluctance, I lifted myself off him, then offered a hand to pull him off the couch. He rose and met me with a kiss. Deep and wet. We nearly tripped over our shed clothes as we tried to make it to the bedroom without breaking contact. This time Fish lifted her head, yawned, and went back to sleep.
The bedside table held everything we needed. With both in hand, I pushed Cal onto the mattress and climbed on after him. Onto him.
He hissed out a breath as I touched him, his body stretched out on the bed.
“Still want me in charge?” I asked.
“Fuck yes,” he said.
I wrapped my palm around him, feeling the smooth slide of skin as I stroked him. His eyes were closed, red heat high up on his cheeks. He was completely at my mercy, and he’d never been more gorgeous.
“Have you thought about this?” I asked. “About us? Together? Again?”
“More times than you can imagine,” he said.
His voice was hoarse. His hands clenched.
I unwrapped the condom and rolled it on him. He remained still, perfectly still, though his very skin seemed to vibrate with anticipation. Mine felt the same way, that hot, shaky, wonderful pulse of desire. Despite my release, I was far from satiated.
Pouring lube onto my hand, I got us both very slick, Cal’s knuckles going fully white. With heat building from my belly and spreading everywhere, I rose up and straddled him, palms on the insides of Cal’s arms, pressing them down and out.
His jaw clenched as I tilted my hips forward, drawing my body against his. He didn’t move, he just let me use him this way, this slow, delicious drag of skin and heat.
I released one hand as I lifted myself onto my knees, reaching between his thighs, between mine, discovering how we fit together now. As I sank down on him, my hands found his, our fingers linking together as I pressed his wrists down hard into the mattress.
The groan he let out when my hips met his again was one I felt all the way to my toes.
“Kathleen.” It was a blessing. A curse.
I leaned toward him, my hair curtained over us.
“I am going to ruin you,” I said.
“Yes,” he said. “Yes.”
I began to move, our fingers still linked together. I rose and fell, my body a wave, his the shore. Everything was about this moment, this connection. I lost myself in the rhythm, taking what I wanted. What I needed.
Cal arched up to meet me, his palms pressing back into mine, but never taking control. Never taking. He gave, and I braced my body against his as I sank deeper, rocked harder. His fingers gripped mine as pleasure lashed through me, my release a surprise. A relief.
My thighs were still trembling as Cal dug his fingers into them. I didn’t even remember letting go of him, my hair damp against my forehead as he thrust upward and found his own release with a guttural groan.
I all but melted off him, lying flat until he rolled and gathered me against him.
His breath was hot against my hair, our bodies slick with sweat, but he held tight.
“I love you,” he said.
He kissed my temple, and I knew he was waiting for me to say it back. I opened my mouth, but the words got caught in my throat.
Instead, I turned and wrapped my entire body around him, holding him until we both fell asleep.
CHAPTER 30
I was going to tell Ryan tomorrow, I decided.
Cal was curled up behind me, his arm draped across my hip. I could feel his chest hair tickling my back, the warmth of his body, the press of his thighs against mine.
We’d had sex.
We’d had sex.
I’d had sex with Cal Kirby.
It had been a little awkward, a little uncomfortable, but then it had gotten good. Like, really good.
We had a show tomorrow—our last show of the tour. I would tell Ryan afterward. Tell him that it was best that we broke up. I wouldn’t tell him about Cal. That would be too much, and now that the sweet, satisfied glow was fading, guilt and shame rushed in to take its place.
I’d had sex with Cal Kirby.
While I was still dating Ryan.
I’d done it all wrong, I knew that. I hadn’t been able to help myself.
Isn’t that what men said all the time when they were caught doing something inappropriate or wrong? That they’d lost control?
But I knew that wasn’t an excuse. And that it would be best if I left.
I shifted, but Cal’s arms just tightened around me.
“Don’t go,” he said.
His voice tickled my ear.
He’d put his tongue there before. It had felt incredible. I shivered a little at the memory.
“I should go back to my room,” I said.
“Not yet,” he said.
I didn’t really want to leave, so I didn’t.
We lay there together, and I snuggled even closer to him, wanting to be touching him in as many places as possible.
I felt full of emotions, most of them unnamable.
“I love you,” Cal said.
I wasn’t sure if that was one of the emotions, so I said nothing and pretended I’d fallen asleep.
* * *
“Wow,” Harriet said. “You look happy.”
“Tell me about it,” my makeup artist said. “I barely need to put anything on her today—she’s glowing.”