“You think we can do it?”
“Why not?” I said. “Why not try?”
She stared down at the CD, and then pulled me into a hug.
“Let’s do it,” she said. “Let’s fucking do it.”
We poured some more champagne. Drank.
“Was Cal happy?” I asked.
I couldn’t help myself.
“With the performance,” I clarified unnecessarily.
We’d been completely professional since our split, polite and respectful but also keeping our distance.
Every time I looked at him, it hurt.
“He’s happy,” Harriet said, her fingers still tracing the label on the CD.
“Good,” I said.
She gave me a long, searching look.
“Are you?” she asked.
“I just made my Broadway debut,” I said. “A lifelong dream. How much happier could I be?”
“Have you spoken to him?” Harriet asked.
“He’s given me his notes like he does with every other actor,” I said.
“You should tell him.”
“Tell him what?”
“That you’re in love with him,” Harriet said.
I nearly snorted my bubbly through my nose.
“Why would I do that?”
“Because it’s true,” she said.
“So?” I stood and went to the mirror to begin unpinning my hair. “It won’t change anything. Besides, he knows.”
Harriet joined me in the reflection.
“Does he?”
“Of course he does,” I said.
But had I actually ever said it? He had. He’d been brave enough to. Twice.
Harriet put her hand on my shoulder.
“I’m not going to tell you what to do,” she said.
I gave her a look.
“But that man has been in love with you since we were kids,” she said. “And I think you’ve been in love with him too.”
I stared down at my hands, unable to look her in the eye.
“Tell him,” Harriet said.
“I think that’s literally the opposite of not telling me what to do,” I said.
Harriet laughed. “Well, I’m your best friend,” she said. “And I’m right.”
She gave me a hug from behind and a kiss on the cheek.
“See you at the after-party,” she said.
* * *
I looked incredible. My dress was long and slinky and sexy, and I felt amazing in it. I’d never been much for the step-and-repeat red carpet photo-calls, but tonight, I was brimming over with pride. If these people wanted to take my picture, well, they were going to get the biggest smile on this side of Manhattan.
The production had rented out a gorgeous space along the Hudson River near Hell’s Kitchen. It was decked out like a USO bar from the forties, including waiters and waitresses done up to blend in.
It felt like stepping back in time, and it was pure rib-sticking magic.
I spotted Harriet and Whitney across the room and waved at them. Harriet, subtle as ever, pointed to her left where Cal was standing with the producers.
My heart caught in my throat. He looked so good in his suit.
I missed him.
And I loved him.
Tell him.
Tell him.
Tell him.
I could hear Harriet’s voice echoing in my ears, but it slowly morphed into my own. Because I knew deep down that she was right. That I needed to tell Cal how I felt.
He’d been honest with me. He’d been brave.
I owed him that. At the very least.
I saw him duck behind a curtain along the wall of the space, and I hurried to catch up to him. My heels were high, but my legs were long. I pushed back the curtain, nearly out of breath, and spotted him standing alone. He was looking out at the water.
“Cal!”
He spun at the sound.
“Kathleen.” He put his hand on his chest, over his heart.
I didn’t know what it meant. Had I startled him? Was it a protective gesture?
“What are you doing here?” he asked. “Go back and join the rest.”
“I need to tell you something,” I said.
I moved closer.
“This isn’t a good time,” Cal said, eyeing the curtain to his left.
“Just give me a moment,” I said.
I saw him debate arguing with me, but in the end, he just closed his mouth and nodded. His hand was still on his chest.
“You don’t owe me anything,” I said. “You don’t even owe me an answer or a response, but I just had to tell you that I love you.”
“Kathleen, I—”
“I know,” I said, holding up my hand. “I know. You already gave me a chance. Two chances. I blew both of them. I screwed up. Big. Huge.”
“That’s not—”
“I’m not asking for another chance,” I said. “I just wanted you to know. That I love you. Harriet thinks I’ve been in love with you since we were kids and I think she’s right. I think I’ve loved you since that night on the roof. Probably before, but definitely then.”
“Kathleen—”
He looked sad, and my heart broke.
“It’s okay,” I said. “It’s over. You were right. I just wanted you to know. Okay?”
Cal looked down, gave a small huff of a laugh, and glanced back up at me.
“What?” I asked.
His expression was inscrutable.
“I’m mic’ed,” he said.
He lifted his hand to reveal that he had been covering a small microphone pinned to his jacket.
Suddenly a huge roar of applause came from the other side of the curtain. It lifted to reveal the entire cast, crew, press, and guests cheering and hooting at the announcement I’d just made over the speakers.
“Oh my god,” I said.
“I hope you weren’t planning to keep it a secret this time,” Cal said.
He reached out and grabbed my hands, pulling me to him.
“Kiss her!” the crowd shouted. “Kiss her! Kiss her!”