Bastien wanted that, too. Not being able to father children with Melanie was one of his deepest regrets. And while he knew they could adopt, what kind of life could they offer a child? He couldn’t do the things Cliff mentioned, the things Bastien would want to if he were a father. He couldn’t go outside during daylight hours because of his damned photosensitivity. And he’d seen how Roland and Marcus looked each time they sent their little ones to the playground with Sheldon during the day because they couldn’t go themselves.
“If I had turned immortal,” Cliff continued, “Emma would’ve had to choose between growing old while I didn’t or transforming to stay forever young with me. And once she transformed, she would’ve had to miss out on all of those things.”
Bastien knew Emma would’ve transformed for Cliff and understood well the sacrifices she would’ve had to make. They were the same ones Melanie had made. But there had been no other choice in Melanie’s case.
“And…” Uncertainty crept into Cliff’s expression, stealing his smile.
“And?” Bastien prodded.
Cliff sighed. “If I were an Immortal Guardian, I would have to spend the rest of my nights hunting and slaying vampires, especially since Gershom left so damn many behind.” Tension crept into his posture as he shook his head and stared off into the distance. “Do you know how fucked up that would’ve been for me?”
He did. Cliff had been so disturbed by hunting other vampires that he had insisted on sneaking back into network headquarters so the other vampires housed there wouldn’t see or smell the blood that stained his clothing. He wouldn’t have hunted vampires at all if he hadn’t desperately needed an outlet for the violence the insanity incited. “Yes.”
Cliff motioned to the other Immortal Guardians present. “They don’t. You and Melanie do, but the rest of them? They don’t know what it’s like to be a vampire. To lose a little piece of yourself every day, no matter how hard you fight to keep it as the madness grows inside you. To struggle with every breath of your being to hold on to who you are while everything inside urges you to become a monster.”
Cliff’s struggle had been heartbreaking to watch.
“Most of the vampires out there didn’t ask to be turned. They didn’t ask to lose all sense of right and wrong. Some are like I was. They don’t kill their victims. Not yet. They just infuse themselves and move along. Or they do like you had us do back when you raised your vampire army. They choose the worst of society to kill if they have to, assuaging those violent impulses while ridding the world of pedophiles, rapists, and murderers. They fight the madness.”
Bastien looked at his fellow immortals. “They know that.”
“But they ignore that, skip ahead to what the vampires will ultimately become, and kill them without feeling any remorse. Because they’ve never experienced it themselves. It’s different when you do. And hunting other vampires, killing them night after night for hundreds of years…” His throat worked in a swallow. “I think that would’ve chipped away at me as efficiently as the virus did.”
Sighing, Bastien wrapped an arm around his friend. “I know it would. I’m just selfish enough to want to keep you by my side for the next however-many centuries or millennia. Other than Melanie and Sean, you’re the only friend I have.”
Cliff chuckled. “I don’t know about that. Aren’t you and Zach best buddies now?”
Zach’s lips twitched.
“Besides,” Cliff added, “Seth said he could use his healing gift to extend our lives so Emma and I can have an extra century or more together.”
Bastien smiled. “Think of all the children and grandchildren you could produce in that time.”
“And great-grandchildren and great-great-grandchildren.” His whole being lighting up, Cliff grinned, clearly thrilled by the prospect.
Bastien’s heart lightened. “So you really are living the dream.”
“I’m living the dream.”
And Bastien’s gift confirmed that Cliff was indeed exceedingly happy with the way things had turned out and had no regrets.
He had sensed no regrets in Emma either. The couple was blissfully happy.
Dropping his arm, he nudged Cliff with his shoulder. “You know I’m going to call you Grandpa as soon as your hair starts to gray.”
Cliff laughed. “I figured you would.”
Zach shook his head. “Immortality does have its downsides.”
Bastien grunted. “If anyone would know, I suppose it would be you.”
“And Seth, Jared, and David,” Cliff added.
Zach made a sound of assent. “It’s hard to live as long as we have and watch mankind make the same damned mistakes over and over again, ignoring the past and learning nothing from it. To see thousands of years of needless suffering as a result.” He stared into the distance. “I admit I understand a bit the anger and frustration that motivated Gershom to want to watch humanity die out. But unlike Gershom, I clung to my hope that a generation would eventually come along who would be different.”
“Has that happened yet?” Cliff asked.
“Hell no. Mankind still does the stupidest shit.”
Bastien laughed. “Yeah. We’re pretty flawed.”
“You more than anyone,” Roland Warbrook drawled loudly enough for his voice to carry.
Chuckles circulated the yard.
Bastien gave him the finger.
“Damn it, Bastien,” Marcus snapped.
Surprised, Bastien glanced at Marcus, who scowled at him and looked pointedly at the two toddlers playing in the grass in front of him. Both sported flowery crowns and smiled proudly as they gave everyone the finger.
Standing beside Marcus, Ami sighed. “Marcus, honey…”
“What?” He glanced at her, then winced. “Oh. Right. Adira, sweetie, don’t say ‘Damn it.’”
Still giving everyone the finger, the toddler smiled. “Okay, Daddy.”
When Marcus turned another frown on him, Bastien pasted an innocent look on his face and pointed at Roland. “What? He started it.”
All laughed as Roland bit back a curse.
Discordant buzzes abruptly filled the air as multiple cell phones alerted their owners to incoming texts. Bastien’s cell vibrated in his pocket.
Frowning, he shared a look with Zach as both retrieved their phones.
“Seth is calling a meeting,” Sheldon announced before Bastien could read his text. “Tomorrow night, an hour after sunset.”
He didn’t have to say the meeting would take place at David’s house. Unless there were extenuating circumstances, they always gathered at David’s home to discuss strategy.
Clutching her phone, Nicole turned and met Sean’s gaze.
Bastien didn’t have to touch Sean to read his emotions, nor did he have to be a telepath to discern his thoughts.
Sean feared that Seth would put Nicole back into play as Becca.
And the last time she had acted as bait, Sean had almost lost her.
Chapter Nine
Every Immortal Guardian stationed in North Carolina found a seat around the long table in David’s dining room. There were so many now, thanks to recent marriages and transformations, that their Seconds had to sit behind them in folding chairs instead of taking a seat at the table. Though Tessa had not yet officially begun to hunt, she joined the immortal crew with Jared at her side. Once more, Seth sat at the foot of the table while David occupied the chair at the head of the table with Chris Reordon at one elbow and Darnell at the other.