She cleared her throat. “I admit, I fear you would judge me.”
“We would never,” Flora said with a firm determination that was hard to deny. “I promise you that if nothing else. You’ll find no judgment here.”
That was impossible to believe, of course. But she found herself drawing a deep breath regardless. “What do you think of a lady—hypothetically, of course—who took a lover while still in mourning?”
Both women drew back a fraction and exchanged a quick look. Valaria tensed immediately, but swiftly realized they were both simply surprised, not disapproving.
“I-I think it is none of anyone’s business how a person grieves,” Flora said carefully.
“Or doesn’t grieve,” Bernadette said, and met Valaria’s gaze as if she understood better than Flora what the situation was.
“I-I do grieve what was,” Valaria said softly. “And what never was.” She hesitated. No, she would not go further than that. She was already in dangerous waters with Callum, she wasn’t about to add these two to the mix. “But today something happened that made me feel…”
She trailed off and briefly thought of Callum between her legs, bright eyes watching as she shattered against his tongue. His fingers pressing into her thighs, his mouth so perfectly attuned to what she wanted. Needed.
“It made me feel alive for the first time in a very long time,” she whispered. “And I don’t want it to stop.”
“Oh my,” Bernadette said, and lightly fanned herself. “It sounds like something amazing. Why should you want it to stop?”
Flora leaned closer and her eyes were lit up as she smiled. “I’m going to be very personal. Who exactly was it who made you feel alive, eh?” She giggled, and Valaria found herself laughing along with her. She felt like a schoolgirl again and it was…nice.
“A lady ought not tell.”
“It was Blackvale,” Bernadette said, arching a brow. “I’d wager five pounds that it was Blackvale.”
Valaria caught her breath and covered her suddenly hot cheeks with cold hands. “How did you guess?”
“Well, he is the only gentleman you have any contact with regularly,” Flora said. “And it’s obvious there is a connection of some kind between you, especially after our supper at his home the other night. He isn’t the worst choice for a lover. He’s rumored to be very good at it. Almost as good as his friend Lightmorrow. Though I suppose you wouldn’t want to choose him.”
“Of course she wouldn’t,” Bernadette said, a little too swiftly. “He wouldn’t be a good fit for her.”
“Hmmm,” Flora said, and gave Valaria a meaningful look.
“Oh, I just don’t know,” Valaria breathed. “It’s so tempting an idea. But there are dangers.”
“There always are. But right now no one is looking at you. If you’re discreet, it couldn’t hurt.” Bernadette smiled.
Flora shook her head. “Well, almost no one is looking. I forgot to pass along the message from the Duchess of Amberleigh.”
Valaria jolted. Everyone knew the Duchess of Amberleigh. She was one of the most important women in Society. Even the patronesses of Almack’s seemed afraid of her.
“What does she want with me?” she asked, voice shaking a little.
“Well, she lives two doors down from my home here on the Row,” Flora explained. “And I bumped into her earlier this morning with her little dogs. She demanded I arrange a meeting between you. She always wants to meet the new arrivals on the Row.”
“Could I beg off as being in mourning?” Valaria said hopefully.
“No,” Bernadette said. “She doesn’t give a fig for that. She is above the rules of mourning. You won’t be able to avoid it. Honestly, it isn’t terrible. She looks you up and down in judgment, but she isn’t entirely unkind.”
“No, she just sees into your soul,” Flora said with a burst of laughter.
Valaria shifted. Wonderful, another person who could do that. She already had enough to manage with Callum.
“It’s probably best to get it done with. I can tell her tea tomorrow. She’ll demand we do it at her townhouse. But she has a wonderful cook and her scones are to die for, so it will be a positive tradeoff,” Bernadette said.
Valaria sighed before she nodded. “There seems to be no escaping it.”
But as she said the words and the others began talking about the duchess and her whims, Valaria had a powerful realization. She was no longer in a position where she always had to do things she couldn’t escape. If she wished to stay up too late or read naughty books or have a wild affair with a handsome man…no one could stop her anymore.
So the trade was a positive one. And she could bear any duchess and her judgmental stares if she knew the rest of her life could be lived on her own terms and by her own whims.
She could do this. She could manage Callum, she could keep her secrets and maybe, just maybe, she could even have some happiness for once.
She deserved it. She deserved it all.
CHAPTER 11
“It’s like a museum,” Valaria mused the next day as the she sat with Bernadette and Flora in the fine parlor of the Duchess of Amberleigh. “Gracious, that vase must be worth a small fortune.”
“I cannot imagine,” Flora whispered back. “And nothing is ever out of place here. Not even a book on a side table or a slightly turned miniature on the mantel.”
“Nothing should be out of place,” came a crisp voice from the door behind them.
All three stood and pivoted to face the Duchess of Amberleigh as she entered the room more like a queen. Valaria gave a curtsey and as she did so, she stared. She’d seen the duchess before, of course, but never so close. After all, there was a hierarchy even with the ranks of the titled, and this woman was at the very top.
And she knew it.
“Your Grace,” Bernadette said, moving toward their hostess. “How kind of you to have us today. Your home is, as always, beautiful.”
“Yes, it’s such a pleasure to be here, Your Grace,” Flora agreed with a wide smile for the duchess.
Her Grace glanced over them both, not quite dismissive, but certainly making her judgments. And then her gaze fell on Valaria.
“May I present the newest addition to the Row,” Bernadette hastened to say. “The Duchess of Gooding.”
“Your Grace,” Valaria said, curtseying again even though she now felt like a bobbin in the water.
All of the Duchess of Amberleigh’s attention swung to her and the woman looked down that long patrician nose at her, one eyebrow arched. “And there you are. You are quite pretty, aren’t you?”
Valaria blinked and glanced at Bernadette and Flora briefly for some advice on how to respond to such a strange statement. “Er, thank you. I appreciate your kindness.”
“Though the black does your pale features no favors, does it?” the duchess continued. “And you’ve circles under your eyes.”
Valaria flinched. Those circles had come from tossing and turning all night, thinking about the afternoon with Callum and his statement that they could have more of that same passion. Thinking about the fact that she had invited him to her home later that very day, so they could discuss his offer further.