“He’s busy with his residency.”
“Will we see him at the wedding at least?”
“Mom,” Clem warned.
“What? I’m sure Lauren and Harry would like to see him sooner rather than later and what better occasion than a wedding?” Sylvia smiled and focused on me. “You know, men often times feel inspired by those events and muster the courage to propose.”
Probably not when the girlfriend sucked on the tongue of her former crush.
“Let’s concentrate on the wedding that is actually happening,” I said with a smile. “We finally have a venue. Everything should be easier now.”
I stirred the conversation in that direction and Sylvia backed off.
A couple of hours later, I was at the door with my parents. Tyler hadn’t approached me. He hadn’t even looked at me. Not once.
I found excuses for him.
Fear that I might cause a scene.
Realization it wasn’t the right time, nor the right place to talk about what happened.
Willingness to figure out his own emotions before confronting me about my own.
But I knew all those things weren’t true. He didn’t care about the scene I could make. He didn’t care about the place nor the time at all. He didn’t care about my feelings or if I even had any.
And that was the essence of it. The reason he avoided me. It always had been.
He simply didn’t care.
So when he appeared at their front door, looking straight into my eyes, my heart flipped inside my chest.
“I’m flying back to Boston tomorrow,” he said with a blank expression on his face.
“Okay.” I didn’t know what else to say. His lips curled up into a smile and he came closer to me. He planted a kiss on my cheek.
“See ya,” he murmured into my ear and vanished inside the house.
Chapter Eighteen
Hannah
Tyler flew back to Boston the next day, just like he said he would. I stayed in California three more days. Three days and I still felt the pressure of Tyler’s fingers on my waist, the hardness of his body against mine. The taste of him on my tongue.
Nick was busy as always and didn’t have much time for phone calls. I told him he should come to my apartment on Sunday for a serious talk. I kept it vague, but he probably sensed something was wrong, because his phone calls and texts became even more sparse. It was a good thing. I definitely had no desire to explain what happened over the phone. It was the cowardly way out.
Sunday finally came. An unexpected sadness overwhelmed me while Dad and I waited at the airport. I enjoyed being back home. Close to Clem and my mother.
“Is it good?” My father pointed at the paperback currently squeezed between my arm and my ribcage.
“I haven’t started it yet.”
“Oh.”
That was his third attempt to start a conversation with me. It was a torture for the both of us. I didn’t know why he insisted on waiting with me. I would talk with him under normal circumstances, but I felt guilty about what I did with Tyler, sad about leaving California and at the same time eager to go back home and come clean with Nick.
“Listen,” he touched my elbow. “About what happened at the engagement party.” My blood ran cold. He was doing this now? I couldn’t deal with this now. “I saw how you reacted.”
“How did I react?” I pretended I had no idea what he was talking about. He saw right through it.
“Don’t do that.” His face was serious but his tone was gentle. “You didn’t have a healthy, grown-up reaction. It’s been years. I thought you got over it.” I closed my mouth shut and tried to suppress the anger building up inside me. “You have to let it go.”
He wasn’t wrong about that. I hadn’t forgotten about my almost breakdown at the engagement party, but it was overshadowed by Tyler’s behavior afterwards. It wasn’t just about the kiss. He helped me. Stayed with me until I felt better.
I shook my head, chasing away the image of Tyler leaning over me while I sat on that bathroom counter, and answered my father.
“I’m fine. It just surprised me.”
“You are not a good liar, Hannah.”
“See? I told you I could never be a lawyer.” Dad closed his eyes and rubbed his forehead. I exhaled loudly. “I have to go. I will call you when I land.” I meant I would call mom and we both knew it, but he didn’t say anything.
“We will talk about this,” he warned me. “When you come for the wedding.”
I wanted to ask him why he didn’t talk about it for the past three days, while we were both under the same roof, but I bit my tongue and smiled.
“Sure,” I stood on the tips of my toes and planted a kiss on his cheek. “Love you,” I said and I meant it. I just hated his job and the way it reflected on our family.
“I love you too, kid. Lawyer or not.”
“I know, Dad.”
Ten hours later I was finally home. Although after spending so much time in California, my apartment didn’t feel like home. Not quite. The fact that I was about to kill my relationship only intensified the feeling. All I had in Boston was my job now. Yes, I liked it and yes, I had friends. Colleagues actually. But when you looked at the entire picture, I only had my job and that apartment. For a twenty-four-year old, that was quite depressing. Tyler was right. I had zero fun.
Later that evening, Nick and I stood at the door. I was on the inside. He was on the outside. It turned out that breaking up with him was easy and painless. I wondered why none of us suggested it sooner. The moment I told him I thought we should stop seeing each other, pure relief took over his entire body. It was obvious our relationship wasn’t working for him either. He didn’t even get mad when I told him I kissed Tyler.
Curiosity had always been my weak spot, so I couldn’t help but ask.
“I know why I was holding on to the relationship, but I have no idea why you did it.” His eyes widened. He didn’t want to answer to that, but I kept on waiting.
“Do you really want to know?” He rubbed the back of his neck. “I don’t want you to hate me. This is the cleanest break up I ever had. I would like to keep it that way.”
“I’ll go first then,” I said. “We were good on paper. I thought I had to make it work, but I was never in love with you.” He leaned a shoulder on the door frame and nodded with an impressed look on his face.
“I stayed for the sex. I thought I would start loving you at some point. It just never happened. And you know my schedule. I don’t really have time to date.”
“Yes. That is quite sad actually. You have to do something about it.”
“I will.”
He looked me up and down with a questioning look on his face.
“What?” I asked.
“Maybe we could see each other from time to time.”
“Thank you for the offer,” I grabbed the door handle signaling him it was time to leave. “But I think that was what we were doing this whole time, so I will pass.”
“Call me if you change your mind.”
“Don’t hold your breath,” I said with a smile and closed the door in his face. I took a deep breath, enjoying the feeling of newfound freedom. No more midnight booty calls. I could finally live on my own schedule.