For the first time, it truly hits me how much Rosie missed out on. Can I give her back all of those experiences?
I’m so proud of her, this beautiful girl, the way she thrives despite the things she missed out on, the way she pushes herself to conquer her fears for her son. Because when Connor wants to splash in the creek, she takes his hand and splashes with him, and when he wants to wade a little farther, she takes a steadying breath and steps forward.
“I’m going to miss this,” Rosie says when we start heading back. Connor is fading fast, his small arms thrown around my neck, head resting on my shoulder, his breathing growing shallow as he bounces along on my chest.
“Summer?”
“Summer. This. Me and you. Connor. All the time we have together. I haven’t had such an amazing summer since…since…” She closes her eyes, giving her head a small shake. “School starts in two weeks, and I can’t wait to get back to it, to graduate, but I know I’ll be so busy with all my rotations, and you’ll be busy at work, too, so…I’m going to miss this. The unlimited time. The lazy days and long nights.”
My stomach twists, a heavy lump that sinks to the bottom of my stomach. Two weeks. Two weeks left of summer vacation, before Rosie goes back to school and I start training camp before our preseason games.
I don’t want to spend them lying to her. I want to spend them loving on her, giving her all of me, getting all of her in return. I want her at my home opener. I want her in my jersey, my name on her back. I want Connor yelling for me, calling me whatever the hell he wants to call me. And I want to make them proud to be a part of my life.
“Nothing will change between us, Rosie. It’ll be hard, yes, but we’ll figure it out together. We’ll start a new routine, and you’re going to fly through your last year of school. Before you know it, it’ll be spring and you’ll be a veterinarian.”
“That’s as scary as it is exciting.”
“What’s the plan after graduation?”
She grits her teeth. “I have no idea.”
“Oh, come on. You, the girl who plans everything, doesn’t know? I don’t buy that.”
She blows out a deep breath, spinning around before she sways into my side, holding my arm. “I might have a few ideas.”
“Spill ’em, trouble.”
“Well, the last year is for us to explore all the different aspects of vet medicine so we can decide where we want our specialty to be. So, my first chunk is at the school itself, where we do surgeries, emergencies, radiology, that kind of stuff. Afterward, we get to choose our rotations. I already know I want to go into shelter medicine, and I’ve arranged to do most of my elective rotations at Wildheart. I’m hoping, if I do well, they’ll hire me as a vet after graduation.”
“You’re going to be fabulous. And they already love you there. I can’t imagine them not wanting to keep you.”
“Yeah, I hope so. I’d really love for Connor and me to get our own place too. I know Marco wants to move in with Archie, but our apartment is so small. There’s barely enough room for Connor and me, let alone another adult. And they’re so selfless, they’ll never ask me to leave. If I can get a job and tuck aside the first few pays, then I should be able to afford to get Connor and I our own apartment, with his own room.”
“I like your dreams. They sound perfect, and I know you’ll reach them. In the meantime, we can give Connor his own room at my place.”
“You don’t have to do that.”
“Why not? I’ve got four. And I plan to keep you two as much as I can, so it makes sense for him to have something a little more permanent than a playpen we stick in an open room, yeah?”
She blushes, nibbling her lip. “He really loved those glow-in-the-dark stars you hung up for him.” She peers up at me. “That would be really wonderful, Adam. Are you sure?”
“I’m very sure.” I roll my eyes and tip my head at the dogs ahead of us. “Now go break those two up.”
“Bear !” Rosie dashes over to the dogs, trying to get mine to dismount hers. “You’re neutered! You can’t have Bear and Pig babies, as cute as they’d be!” She stares down at them, fists propped on her hips. “What are we gonna do with you two?”
I laugh quietly as Rosie has to wind back around and separate them a second time, only moments after she turns her back on them.
“We were gonna take you two for pup cups, but now I just don’t know.” She shrugs, as if she isn’t going to climb in my front seat, give me those puppy eyes, and say, “Weren’t they so good today? They deserve a pup cup, don’t you think?” just like she does every single time. And just like I do every single time, I’ll wind up with whipped cream all over my hands while the dogs make a mess of the pup cups I hold for them.
Connor stirs, turning to tuck his face into my neck, laying his tiny hand over my heart. I kiss his waves, tightening my hold on him, relishing the fullness I feel in this moment, right here in this forest. I look around at the dirt, all the trees, the sea of green that makes this place smell so fresh, and I can’t believe here is where I found exactly what I was looking for.
A tree to my right catches my eye. It’s an old, towering pine, just like the rest of them, but on its thick trunk, the bark is marked with faded carvings.
“Look,” I call to Rosie, touching the bark, the old, rough heart carved into it, the three letters in the middle. D, M, R . Beneath it is a series of numbers that make a date from ages ago. “It’s been here for thirteen years.”
I hear the crunch of the earth beneath her shoes, the way they stop abruptly, the sharp intake of breath. I glance at Rosie, finding her hand at her mouth, eyes filled with tears, and I squeeze her arm.
“Hey. You okay?”
Her eyes don’t leave the heart on the tree. “You found it. I-I…I’ve been looking. Every single hike, for seven years. I’ve never been able to…I couldn’t remember…” Her chest rises sharply with a staggered inhale, and those tears spill down her cheeks before she throws her arms around me. “You found it .”
I look back at the heart, and something clicks.
D, M, R . Dad, Mom, Rosie.
“You’ve been here before. With your parents.”
A broken sob shakes her to her core, and she buries her face against my shoulder as I run my palm over her back.
“Do you want to tell me about it?”
Rosie swipes the tears from her cheeks and nods. Taking her hand, I urge her down to the base of the tree, pulling a sleeping Connor into my lap. Rosie rests her head against my shoulder before she tells me her story.
“My parents and I loved the outdoors. We were always hiking, camping, swimming, exploring. Anything you could do outside, we did it. We spent every summer traveling, and when I was eleven, we came here. We drove across Canada, spent two weeks in Alberta, took our time driving through to British Columbia. And we finished here. Vancouver was my favorite, so we extended our stay a week, and we hiked this trail every single morning.” Rosie looks up at the carving, a smile on her lips. “On our last day, my dad carved this. He promised we’d come back again, that we’d find it.” She looks back at me. “You know Capilano Bridge? The suspension bridge through the mountains? It’s covered in lights all winter long.”