Connor taps the bandage on his forehead. “Ba-man.” He pats Adam’s hand. “Dada, ba-man.”
“Do you think he’s calling me Batman?” Adam whispers as I stick a bandage over his knuckles.
“I think you very well might be his personal Batman.”
His chest puffs with pride, and I swallow my snicker. This man is nothing short of a superhero. I thought it when he stormed out of Brandon’s apartment, and it was the only thing on my mind when he walked out of Dairy Queen with my son on his shoulders, bloodied knuckles wrapped around Connor’s foot, a tray of sundaes in his other hand. The sight did something feral to me, and I was back to chanting my brain/tits mantra in my head.
“Thank you,” I whisper as we watch Connor and Bear in the grass. “For sticking up for me and Connor.”
“I’m always going to have your back, Rosie.” He lays his hand over mine. “How are you feeling?”
“A little scared, to be honest. I know it’s the right decision, removing Brandon from Connor’s life for now. He’s been halfway out the door since before he was born, and putting Connor’s safety at risk is unacceptable. But doing it all on my own now sounds kinda scary.”
“You’re not alone. You have Archie and Marco. You have me.”
I focus on the napkin I tear apart between my fingers. “We’re not anyone’s responsibility.”
“No, you’re not. You’re our family.” Tentatively, he tips my chin up, brushing my bangs back. “I’m sorry my actions made you feel like you and Connor weren’t a priority. Of all the things I’ve regretted in my life, lying to you about who I am takes the cake. The thing is, Rosie, when I lied to you, it was myself I wasn’t choosing. My heart has chosen you every step of the way.”
“Will you tell me what happened?”
He rests his arms on his knees, his eyes on Connor and Bear.
“It’s always been about hockey, you know? It was about hockey when we got Bear because Courtney said she was bored being at home by herself, and it was about hockey when he was three months old and I had to start leaving him with Carter’s mom when I wasn’t home because Courtney was tired of being responsible for him.” He pulls a blade of grass, fiddling with it between his fingers. “It was about hockey when I came home from a trip and found Courtney in bed with another man, and it’s been about hockey for every single woman I’ve been on a date with since.”
His gaze comes to mine, quiet, reserved. “Ironic, isn’t it? Courtney said she cheated because I wasn’t home enough to give her the attention she needed, but she wouldn’t leave, either, because hockey supported her lifestyle. Every date has been questions about contracts and salaries, vacation properties, and how many cars sit in my garage. It’s always been about hockey, Rosie, and it was so damn exhausting not being enough for anyone without it.”
He looks down, shrugging. “I got to this point where all I wanted to do was give up. And then I met you, and you had no idea who I was. And you liked me anyway, all the pieces nobody else bothered to look at. I saw a chance, and I ran with it. I’m not proud, but I also won’t lie to you: this summer with you, forgetting about all the shit that came with being the famous version of me…it was the best summer I’ve ever had. It was about me and you, about Connor, about the time we spent together and everything we were building. I know I hurt you, and it’s no excuse, but fuck, Rosie, having you choose me …it fixed something inside me. For the first time in a long time, I felt worthy.”
It’s heartbreaking seeing him like this, curled in on himself, so unsure of how incredible he is and everything he has to offer, at the hands of people who never deserved any part of him. I hate that careless people broke such a kindhearted man, wore him down to a place where he felt he needed to hide something so important just so someone would give him a chance.
I cover his hand with mine, stopping his fidgeting. “You did the same for me, you know? You fixed something inside me. Something that had been broken for so long, I thought it couldn’t possibly be made whole again. I’m not sure I really saw my worth before you. Not as a mom, a friend, or my potential as a partner. Now I’m certain in it.”
Proud blue eyes move between mine. “I did that?”
“You did that. I’m sorry people didn’t take the time to see what a wonderful man you are beyond hockey, Adam. But it’s their loss.” I watch as Connor crawls across our picnic blanket and into Adam’s lap, settling against his chest as Bear follows suit, draping his head across both their legs. “And our gain.”
“What if you don’t like the hockey side of me?”
Thing is, I already know I love it. I’ve spent the last two weeks watching him. Highlight reels, postgame interviews, preseason games. The one thing I saw with clarity was that he’s the same type of person on ice as he is off it. Full of life. Dominating. He celebrates all the victories and lifts his teammates up when they’re struggling. Someone who tries to stack everything on his own shoulders, even though his friends don’t let him. He’s fiercely protective of his team, the same way he is his family.
How do I explain to him that I see him?
“What was the first thing you noticed about me that day on the trail?” I ask him.
Adam grins, electric, like he can see the memory play out right before his eyes. “Your smile. It was so big, so genuine, while my dog sat his hundred-and-forty-pound ass in your lap. And then you laughed, and it was just as beautiful, just as happy and addictive as your smile, and I knew right away your heart would match.” The smile in his eyes traces the shape of my mouth, his thumb running along the dimple in my chin. “Those were the first things I noticed about you.”
“Do you remember when I said I dye my hair pink because of my mom?”
“You reminded her of the pink peonies you planted. Fresh and captivating.” He cocks his head, smiling. “One of my favorite descriptions of you.”
My heartbeat trips, buzzing at the confirmation that this man has always heard me, always seen so much more. “That’s half the reason. The other half is because I wanted to be noticed. So badly, I wanted someone’s attention. I hadn’t been able to capture anyone’s all those years in foster care. I thought if someone noticed me for my hair, if they were curious enough and spent any amount of time talking to me…maybe they’d notice other things. Maybe, if they’d just give me a chance, they’d find other things to like. And it worked often enough, though not really the way I hoped. It was always the first thing people noticed about me, but not you. You saw so much more, right from the beginning. You made me feel seen for all the right reasons.”
I reach across the blanket, lacing my fingers through his. He’s so warm, the way he always is, this firm touch that makes every mountain seem small. With his hand in mine, I’ve never been more confident.
“I’ve always seen you, Adam. And I’ve loved everything I’ve seen. I know you’ve hidden this part of you for a reason, but I’m certain I’m going to love it too.”
He stares down at my sleeping son in his lap, sifting his fingers through his blond waves. “I just want to be perfect for you two.”