Several of the kids notice. Parents too.
I know June’s supposed to hang out with Abigail at her house tonight. Half the team is. But there’s no mistaking the look on either of their faces.
Maisey grabs her coat.
June heads for the door, so Maisey grabs June’s coat too.
She doesn’t look at me.
Neither of them do.
Fuck.
And not Fuck, I’m not getting laid tonight.
This is pure Fuck, one of my kids feels shitty.
“Right back,” I mutter to Kory.
“Take your time. Don’t cut her hair again.”
I don’t know all of what my face telegraphs to him, but he grins way too widely in response.
The parking lot’s well lit, so it’s easy to see Maisey and June hunched over against the wind as they cross the pavement quickly. I stride even quicker, and I catch up to them as they reach their truck.
“Hey,” I say.
Both of them turn to look at me.
June has two inches on Maisey, but she’s slouching so they’re basically the same height. Maisey’s eyes flair like she wants to know what the fuck I’m thinking talking to them alone. June’s shoulders visibly stiffen like they normally do anytime I talk to her.
“Yes, Coach?” June says tightly.
“You know you’re the reason the team went as far as they did, don’t you?”
Huh. Parking lot lamps really exaggerate teenage eye rolls.
I squat enough to get down to her eye level, because this is important.
“You know what every team needs to succeed? It needs heart. It needs belief. You think you stood on the sidelines most of the season and didn’t do anything, but the truth is, you were the glue holding the team together.”
She snorts.
I shake my head and cut her off before she can argue. “Hey. Listen. How many times did you help one of your teammates shake it off when they got called for offsides or missed a kick? How many times did you step between Bella and Hugh when they were arguing over a play and helped them find the middle ground? Those two have never gotten along, but did you see them tonight? Playing like teammates.”
She’s finally listening. Her eyes are fixed on me, getting shiny under the streetlamps.
I clap her on the shoulder. “You are why we made it as far as we did. You made a massive difference to this team, despite knowing you wouldn’t see much action on the field. You know how many other players in your shoes would’ve done what you’ve done? Not many. You took what you were given, and you made yourself the best damn equipment manager in the history of equipment managers. And that is what makes a player great, and that is why every last one of your teammates inside that building right now has told me you need a place on the team this spring, even if they get cut. Don’t doubt your power. Don’t doubt your value. You’re a damn rock star. Okay?”
She swipes the back of her hand over her nose and steps back. “Okay. Whatever. Mom, can we go home?”
“Of course,” Maisey says quickly.
She shoots a look at me, mouths Thank you, and blinks rapidly herself.
I nod. “Really proud of her. I mean it—not many kids in her situation would’ve stepped up like she did.”
I don’t need June to believe me right now.
But I know she needed to hear how important she’s been. And I know Maisey will find a way to reiterate it in whatever way June needs to hear it again and again.
Maisey flashes me another half smile, this one loaded with complicated emotions and a clear resistance to saying whatever it is she thinks she needs to say, then heads around her truck to join June inside without letting anything slip.
I don’t watch them leave, even though I want to.
No need to push it.
Don’t head right back inside, either, though.
I’m crazy to be thinking about having a fling with Maisey. The last time I got involved with a student’s parent, the situation was completely different, but that doesn’t mean it’s not still a bad idea.
But as far as bad ideas go, it’s my favorite in a long, long time.
She’s the one who’s sticking.
Not because I want in her pants.
But because for the first time in my life, I trust that I’ve found someone who knows what it’s like to be abandoned. Who knows how hard it is to fit in. And who’s still willing to put themselves out there no matter the pain if it ends terribly.
For the first time in my life, I think I’ve found someone I want to love.
Chapter 26
Maisey
We’re halfway home before Junie says anything, and when she does, it cracks my heart in two.
“Do you think he meant it?”
I know what she’s asking. I know exactly what she’s asking. “Who meant what, sweetheart?”
“Coach Jackson. That I—that I mattered.”
“He doesn’t strike me as the type to offer up false flattery,” I reply slowly. “I think he genuinely appreciated everything you did for the team this year, and he genuinely believes every word he said.”
“This season sucked.” Her voice cracks. “Do you know how hard it was to stand on the sidelines and tell everyone they were doing a great job when you know—you know—you would’ve been so much more effective on the field? But you also know if you’re on the field, someone else isn’t, and I can say all I want, that I would’ve made that goal or I wouldn’t have been sloppy in my ballhandling, but I don’t know that for sure.”
“Junie—”
“I lost us the game tonight, Mom. Sometimes I need to be irrational just to be irrational, but I lost us the game. So I’ve earned this. Okay?”
I squeeze her knee. I get it. I need to work through feeling irrational sometimes too. I wish she didn’t, and letting her sit with her feelings is one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do as a mother, but I know she’s right.
She needs to work through this on her own. “Okay. Let me know when you want me to talk you off the edge.”
“I don’t know if I can be good anymore. Offside. I was freaking offside. And I don’t know who’ll hate me for taking their place in the spring if I make the team and they don’t. I don’t know who liked me because I wasn’t a threat when I was just the stupid equipment manager and who’ll turn on me if I get to play.”
Scratch that thing about letting her hurt being the hardest thing ever. Biting my tongue to keep from telling her that I will personally destroy any child who dares to be an asshole to her after all she’s done for them is harder.
And facing that I am not, in fact, heading home to prep myself for a night of wild monkey sex with Flint while Junie was supposed to be at a sleepover isn’t the greatest.
Especially after the way he just went full-on You were the linchpin to our team and didn’t even know it on her.
Is it wrong that watching a man be amazing to your kid makes you want to jump his bones even more?
Dammit.
Now I’m the asshole.
I am such an asshole for thinking of my own physical wants when Junie’s in so much pain, and no amount of Seeing my child hurt makes me hurt and want to feel better too can erase the guilt at thinking it.
“I love soccer,” she whispers. “It’s where I’m me. I don’t know if I’m me here anymore. But I can’t be me back in Cedar Rapids either. I don’t know if I’ll ever be me again.”