I sat back. We needed to chill. Not fuck. Not that fucking didn’t release tension and lower stress levels. Hmm. Maybe we should fuck…
He began deep breathing, in and out, and whispering something I couldn’t quite make out. Feeling like a hot dog at a hamburger convention, I tossed out a few ohms here and there, peeking at him getting right into the meditation thing. Within ten minutes, Finn had drifted off to sleep, his chin on his chest, full zonk-out mode. I pulled a soft Mexican blanket from the back of my recliner and draped it over him.
Then, easing out of the room, I walked into the kitchen to make some tea. Herbal probably. That was what Kelly would suggest. I opened a few cupboards and yep, there were several boxes of tea from when she had been here last. I filled my sister’s brass kettle, put it on the stove, and turned the burner on. Then, I pulled out my phone and rang the wild man at the base of the canyon.
“Holy shit, Cammy, did you see that skeet shot Milton pulled off?!” Rottie shouted in my ear. “We were out back just doing some target practice when that mother-humping drone showed up. We rode up the canyon like two lone rangers of the metal wild. Oh fuck, that is an awesome song title.”
“Rottie, hey, yeah, thanks for the hand on the drone. Listen, Finn is napping right now, but in say two or three hours, we’re going to need a hand getting out of here. Can you provide a diversion to pull the press and the fans gathered at my gate away?”
“A diversion you say. Fuck yes! I am the motherfucking king of diversions and glory holes. That was actually the name of my last album.”
“Wow, that’s quite the title.”
“Right? Totally sticks in your cranial pan. Tell you what…” I heard him talking to someone in the room with him. The other guy let loose a maniacal laugh that put me on edge. “Okay, two hours from now you will get a text from Milton—
“Who’s Milton?” I had to ask.
“Oh, Milton is the dude who’s teaching me how to incorporate couples massage with mixology.”
Ah. Sure. “Oh, wow, sounds great.”
“It is. So, in two hours you’ll get a text from Milton. It will say ‘Go now!’”
“Is that it?”
“Well, yeah. Did you want some sort of Jason Bourne cryptic message?”
“Maybe.”
He sighed. “Okay, fine. Look for a secret agent man type of message from Milton Puffly.”
“His last name is really Puffly?”
“Dude, don’t name shame.”
“I wasn’t! I just… sorry. Tell Milton I’m sorry. Two hours. Text from Mr. Puffly.” I so wanted to laugh at that last name, but I behaved. “Then, we go.”
“That’s the plan, man. Listen, I have a little place in the UK that you could crash in. Oh, and a chalet in Sweden, overlooking a lake. Very posh. Swedish people are so welcoming.”
“No, thank you. I’m taking him home to my family for a while.”
“Ah nice. Your folks are the best.”
He hung up. I stared at my cell. When the hell had he ever met my parents?
I thought to call him back, but I had packing to do. After I brewed tea and had a cup to settle my rage. Finn was sound asleep on the floor when I walked his cup out to him. He’d slipped down to his side, taking the blanket with him, his head now on the cushion. The man was exhausted. He had some dark rings under his eyes. Neither of us had been sleeping all that well, but Finn was carrying so much anxiety. Placing the lemon and lavender tea on the coffee table, I tucked the throw under his scruffy chin, then jogged to my bedroom to pack. I threw clothes into a couple of Storm duffels; uncaring what items went into the bags. Since most of Finn’s clothing was now here, I soon had his duffel full as well as mine. I showered, pulled on some old shorts and a white T-shirt, and shoved my feet into sandals. Then, I sent my mother a text to let her know we were coming.
She and Dad were thrilled. They’d been clucking like two worried chickens ever since Finn had come out. I’d contacted everyone to warn them and explained that my name was going to be connected to Finn’s as we were dating. After the shock wore off—I mean it wasn’t that stunning of an announcement was it?—they all got sappy and happy for us.
I’d hoped to bring him to Scottsdale in less trying times, but the world had pushed us into taking refuge in my parents’ gated community. Hopefully, the media would be held at bay at the gate. We could relax for a few days more, let things die off, and pray some other star did something worse than be themself.
When I strolled into the living room with our bags, Finn was awake, sitting up, and sipping his tea.
“I think I meditated myself into a nap,” he commented, one eyebrow rising as he gazed at our packed bags.
“You needed the rest. We’re heading to Scottsdale as soon as the distraction down in the canyon begins.”
“Oh. That’s nice. Will your folks be mad at me for dragging you and them into this mess?”
I dropped the bags by the door leading to the garage, walked over, knelt, and took his beloved face between my hands.
“They are not mad. They cannot wait to meet you. Dad is a huge fan. Mom is already making her famous homemade chicken tamales. Kelly will probably jet home to meet you even though she’s off being swept off her feet by some man we have yet to meet, and Lyle will show up with his bride-to-be and offer you tax advice. Which, while boring, is generally really sound advice. No one hates you or the situation. It’s the world that’s made this into a big thing, not you, so no more worrying. They will love you.”
He smiled, a genuine one that warmed his gaze. I kissed him gently. My phone pinged in my back pocket.
“That’s either Rottie or Kelly,” I said, giving the tip of his nose one fast peck before reaching to pull my phone out. It was my sister saying that she was heading home now. “The guy she was with made a crude comment, so she dumped her cocktail over his head, told him to fuck all the way off, and is now at the airport in Kingston working on a flight home.”
“Aww, that’s the pits for her,” Finn said into his mug of tea.
“Yeah, well, he was a dick. Better she finds out now than get involved with the pudding head, then discover he’s a homophobe.”
“True.”
I typed out a sorry babe to my sister, then sent her a dozen hug emojis. Lyle joined in, then, asking why so many silly emojis were needed in a family thread. Kelly and I both sent him about forty middle fingers to flood the page. My mother added a big LOL to the discussion.
“This is what being in the Chavkin family will be like,” I told Finn, showing him my phone so he could read the interactions. He chuckled. “Right, so they’re all going to be there by the sounds.” Another ping pulled me from Kelly and Lyle sniping at each other over emoji use. Milton Puffly—OMG that name—had texted. Two words.
ROCK ON!!
I glanced at Finn. “Guess the diversion is about to take place.” We stood, he tossed his throw to the sofa, and we hightailed it to the garage, Finn bouncing on one big foot, then the other, to cram his massive feet into some old Nike sneakers.
The garage door was barely halfway up when we heard it. Heavy metal music, blaring from down the winding street. It was so loud you could feel it in your fillings.