Please, God.
A part of him couldn't see himself deserving someone like Hallie, but another part of him couldn't help hoping either.
Please, God.
But when Andreus woke up the next day, he realized soon after that last night had been another stolen taste of heaven.
He could feel his world crumbling anew as he stared at the text message he had just read.
It's me. Can we talk?
How the fuck could he allow himself to live...when another woman had her life destroyed because of him?
Chapter Eleven
He found her working behind the counter of a quaint-looking tea shop, a linen apron with leather straps tied around her waist, and her clothes hideously shapeless once again. She glanced up when she heard the door open as he entered. Her smile faltered, and his own fucking heart faltered as well.
He waited for her to speak.
If she told him to leave and get the fuck out of her life, he would do it in a snap, and even if staying away would kill him—-
She would never see him again.
But because his baby doll hadn't a single mean bone in her body—-
His chest clenched as he watched her draw a shaky breath before leaving the counter.
"Could you give me a moment?"
She didn't give him a chance to answer, with Hallie already walking past him to flip the door sign to Closed.
That almost gave him hope—-until she turned to face him again, asking, "How did you know I close early on Tuesdays?"
Ah.
He should've known better than to hope she was closing early so they could spend more time together.
She went back to the counter, her movements noticeably jerky.
"Am I making you uncomfortable?"
"Do you want something to drink?"
They had spoken at the same time, and both of them stared at each other.
Another moment passed, and a faint, shaken laugh slipped past her lips. "This is so awkward, isn't it?" Her voice sounded like it was about to break at any moment, just like how Hallie looked she herself was about to break down.
"I'm sorry."
He had thought the words could help her heal, but all it did was make tears slowly fall down her cheeks, and his eyes started itching as he saw her struggle to speak. All he wanted was to do was love her. But everything he did always seemed to end up hurting her.
"I'm so fucking sorry."
She looked at him, and it was only then...only fucking then did he notice what he should've seen from the start.
"I'm s-sorry, too."
Those beautiful blue eyes of hers...were no longer shining the way they used to, every time she looked at him.
"Because I promised I'd love you forever," she choked out, "but I can't."
Ah.
"I'm s-so sorry, Andreus," she wept. "But I just don't love you anymore."
"SIR? MR. ECONOMOU? We've landed ten minutes ago, and we've been cleared to disembark."
Andreus' eyes flew open as the cabin attendant's voice slowly penetrated his mind, and he realized all of it had just been a dream.
Or an omen.
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
It was an hour-long drive to his next destination, and throughout it, Andreus had been unable to stop himself from reliving every moment of his dream.
What am I supposed to do now, God?
There had been the smallest part of him that was hoping he would one day earn the right to look for her. To ask for another chance and start fresh.
Just let her go, man.
He stepped out of his car and rang the doorbell of one of the brick row houses lining the street.
If you love her, you need to let her go.
And the truth of this had never been more obvious than the moment Andreus found himself staring at her, and the memories that he had desperately tried his best to hide started clawing back to the forefront of his mind.
Zoe.
She looked good. Healthy. And a hell lot happier than he was at the moment. But all of these things only made him nauseous.
"Please come in."
She stepped back, and he forced himself to nod and follow her inside his home. He had never been claustrophobic, and her home wasn't in any way cramped, but the moment he sat down, and Zoe chose to sit next to him—-
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
Her eyes widened, and the look of worry on her face made him feel even sicker. Theo. This was just like how it was with Hallie. Why did he keep ending up doing the wrong thing with the people he was supposed to protect?
"Oh, Andreus."
Bile rose to his throat. Even the way she spoke reminded him of Hallie, and so did the way she was looking at him now. Hallie had always looked at him like he was a good man and always would be, and it was fast becoming clear Zoe was just as big an idiot as her.
"Why are you looking at me like that?"
"How else am I supposed to look at you?" he asked hoarsely.
"Like I'm a long-lost friend?" It was meant to be a joke, but the way Andreus recoiled had Zoe biting her lip hard. "Andreus—-"
"Why the hell did you ask me to come here, Zoe?"
"I would've asked you a lot sooner if I had known you'd be like this."
"Like what? Like someone who hadn't paid his dues—-"
"There's nothing for you to pay for!"
"Bullshit."
"Andreus, p-please—-"
"I heard you crying out, Zoe. I fucking heard you, and I c-couldn't—-I—-I—-"
No. Fuck. No.
The last time he had stammered like this was ten fucking years ago, when he had literally carried her on his back all the way to the nearest hospital.
"Oh, Andreus."
"S-Stop s-saying my name l-like that!"
She started to cry, and dear God, he wanted to fucking cry with her.
Theo. Theo. Theo.
But he couldn't.
Help me, God.
Because monsters like him didn't deserve to.
"I would never have stayed away if I had known you were carrying this guilt all these years."
"I f-failed y-you—-"
"You saved me," she said fiercely. "You saved me—-"
"STOP. PLEASE. STOP." It killed him to repeat the words she had cried out that night. But he had no fucking choice. He had to remind her of the truth, and that was that he had failed her. "NO. OH G-GOD. PLEASE. NO. You c-cried t-those w-words out, and...and I c-couldn't—-"
"Oh God."
Andreus couldn't understand why she was staring at him like she had hurt him.
"You don't remember, do you?" A sob escaped her throat. "You couldn't help me...because they were raping you, too."
STOP. PLEASE. STOP.
Those words used to haunt him for years.
And he had always thought those words had only been hers.
"Do you remember now?"
STOP. PLEASE. STOP.
"You w-waited until they were all asleep. You got a k-knife. S-Saved me. Do you remember?"
STOP. PLEASE. STOP.
"You ran b-barefoot. Your f-feet were a h-horrible mess. Y-your w-whole body was a mess. You were w-worse off than me. Do you remember? Don't you remember anything?"
STOP. PLEASE. STOP.
"You wanted us to sue. You promised you'd fight for us. But when I told you I didn't want to remember anything, didn't want to remember you—-"