“She’s doing well, Miss Ellianna,” he told her with a beaming smile. “We just welcomed our first baby last month.”
“Oh gosh! That’s great. Congrats. Do you have pictures?” He pulled out his phone before she’d even finished gushing. “How sweet! Mommy and baby are doing well?”
“Couldn’t have asked for an easier delivery. We’re still learning, but neither of us has ever been happier.”
Watching how genuinely kind and sincere Ellianna was when she spoke to the officer, I was enthralled by her beauty. The way her eyes shone. The musical melody of her laugh. Fuck, I’d missed her. I missed each and every small detail about her, from the adorable way she hogged the covers to the annoying habit she had of not squeezing the toothpaste from the bottom.
“Well, tell her I said hi,” she told Nelson. “And give that precious little boy a kiss for me.”
“I will, Miss Ellianna.” He tilted his head to the door. “You two sure everything is okay? This isn’t the first time we’ve gotten a noise complaint about this house.”
“I’m so sorry you were bothered.” Elli side-eyed me. “I guess we weren’t moving fast enough to answer the door for someone.”
“How many times have you been called out here?” I was already seething. How often had Ellianna been put in danger?
“Get a few calls every term from a concerned neighbor. Last few times were because of parties that got rowdy.”
“We were singing Christmas carols,” Kyndle griped from the still-open door.
Nelson grimaced. “It was May. They were drinking.”
“Finals are killer, man. We all drink after surviving that shit.”
Ellianna made a humming noise. “I’ll personally make sure there are no more causes for complaint, Nelson.”
“I would appreciate that, Miss Ellianna.” He stepped back. “Judge, I’ll have patrols increased in this neighborhood for you.”
“Thanks, Officer. You have a safe shift.” We all waited for him to get in his car, turn off the blue lights, and back out before any of us reacted. I leaned back against the porch rail and folded my arms over my chest, getting comfortable.
“El, are you good with him being here?” Kyndle asked her.
“I’ve got this,” she said after a brief hesitation.
“Okay, babe. But let me know if you change your mind. I’ll kick him off the property,” the other guy promised.
As soon as the door shut behind him, Ellianna stomped her foot. “Why are you here?”
“We still have things to discuss.” Grasping her by the elbows, I tugged her forward.
“I said what I wanted to say yesterday.”
“Exactly. You said. I didn’t get a chance to speak.” Rolling my shoulders, I tried to relax a little. “I’m not leaving until you hear me out.”
I wasn’t leaving then either. Not unless she went with me, but there was no reason to open that can of worms unless I had to.
Groaning, she adjusted her robe and stuffed her hands into the pockets. Impatience pulled at her brow, but she couldn’t hide the curiosity in her eyes. Not even in the porch light. “Fine, I’m listening. Say what you need to.”
“I’m sorry.”
Chapter 44
Ellianna
He said those two words like they held all the power in the world. As if he expected me to praise him for being a decent human being and apologizing for his mistakes.
And maybe it did heal me. But only a little. There was nothing he could say or do to put my heart back together. Not after he’d completely destroyed me.
Yet he looked at me with such hope while leaning back against the banister. Hope and a hint of smugness. He honestly thought an “I’m sorry” was going to fix everything.
Which was so hilarious, I couldn’t contain my giggle.
Had Judge ever said those words? To anyone? I doubted it. Unless it was Lyla, and even then, it was questionable. He didn’t do apologies. Ever.
When he frowned, his confusion making it obvious my amusement wasn’t the reaction he expected, my giggle turned into a full-on laugh.
Muttering a curse, he grasped my hands and tugged me forward. Bending his knees, he looked me in the eyes. “Baby, I’m so sorry for hurting you. It was never my intention.”
My laughter quickly dried up. “No, your intention was for me to never find out.”
“Of course not. I knew it would hurt you.”
And maybe that hurt the most. He did it knowing what it would do to me, yet he didn’t even pause long enough to care. “But you did it anyway.”
“For you.”
“Coward.” Jerking my hands out of his hold, I met his gaze boldly. “You’re nothing but a fucking coward.”
“Me?” he growled. “You’re calling me a coward when all you have done for months is run away from this situation?”
“Excuse me for taking myself out of a toxic environment.” I heard the air hiss out of him, as if I’d hit him as hard as Sledge. “You’re the one who was so scared of what he supposedly felt for me that you upended my entire future to ‘protect’ me from you. From where I’m standing, the only one you were protecting was yourself.”
He straightened to his full height, making me have to tip my head back in order to maintain eye contact. “You don’t believe that.”
“It’s a reasonable deduction. Based on all the evidence presented, it’s the only logical conclusion.”
“Logical,” he grunted. “There is nothing logical about what I feel for you, Ellianna.”
Say it, I silently willed. Say it. I dare you.
Because if he truly felt anything besides guilt and lust, he would have said the words by now. If he had been just as destroyed by our time apart as I had, he wouldn’t be able to contain how he felt. He wouldn’t be able to withhold those three words that might be the only miracle powerful enough to repair all the broken pieces of my heart.
But he didn’t say anything, just stood there expectantly.
I tightened my robe around myself, shivering in the breeze. And still, I waited.
For my miracle.
For three little words that I knew he didn’t actually feel, but I still hoped to hear anyway.
When one minute ticked into two, then three, and all he did was stand there waiting for me to respond, I decided to bow out gracefully. “Goodnight, Judge,” I whispered past the lump in my throat.
“Elli, wait.” He wrapped his arms around me from behind when I turned for the door. “What do you need? What can I do or say to make you understand?”
“I already understand,” I choked.
Groaning, he buried his face in my neck. “No, you don’t, sweetheart. If you did, you would be coming home with me right now. This misery would be over for both of us. We could have it all.”
“There’s only one thing I need, Zachary. But you can’t give me that.”
His arms tightened around my waist to the point of discomfort. “I can give you everything you’ve ever wanted. Just say the word, and I’ll hand it over, no matter the price. It’s yours, all of it’s yours. All I want in return is you.”