He’d agreed readily enough, though in hindsight I realized that that was because he hadn’t known what Instagram was. Ever since I’d pulled up Sam’s page Frederick had made it abundantly clear he regretted that decision—and possibly regretted asking we engage in internet lessons together at all.
“What is the point of technology dedicated solely to sharing pictures of breakfast foods?” He sounded so baffled—almost offended, really—that I had to bite my lip to keep from laughing. He was the broad-chested, gorgeous, not-quite-living embodiment of the OK boomer meme. The fact that he looked like a man in his mid-thirties only made it funnier.
And more adorable.
“Instagram isn’t just pictures of food,” I countered, trying to keep a straight face.
He pointed an accusing finger at the screen. “Your friend’s account seems to be entirely pictures of food.”
“Sam likes taking pictures food,” I admitted. “But Instagram lets you share pictures of anything you want with people all over the world. Not just pictures of food.”
He seemed to consider that. “Oh?”
“Yes,” I confirmed. “You can share pictures of important news events, or of beautiful places. And, yes, okay—sometimes people share pictures of meals they’ve enjoyed. Especially if they were somewhere special or exciting when they ate it.”
“Why would people all over the world care what your friend Sam ate while on holiday?”
I opened my mouth to respond, but then realized I didn’t have a good answer for that.
“I . . . don’t really know,” I admitted. “But we could take a picture of that bowl of oranges you keep on the counter for me and post that if you want. They’re pretty.”
He glanced over his shoulder at the oranges in question, then shook his head disapprovingly. “I simply do not understand this modern urge to share every errant thought one has with the entire world the instant it happens.”
“I can’t say I completely understand it, either,” I admitted. “I use Instagram to promote my art. Other than that, I don’t use social media much.”
“Then why are you insisting I learn how to use it?” He sounded petulant, like a small child on the verge of throwing a tantrum over having to do his math homework. “If this is social media, social media seems like nothing but a noisy, invasive waste of time.”
As he continued to scowl at my laptop, I became nearly overwhelmed with sympathy for him. When Frederick fell into his century-long sleep, he’d left behind a world of handwritten letters and horseback riding. Waking up to social media and the Kardashians had to be an incredible shock. He was like an octogenarian learning how to use a computer—only worse.
Octogenarians were more than two hundred years younger than he was.
I was determined to stick with this lesson, though. Frederick may not have intended to ask me to teach him about social media when he asked about TikTok, but honestly? It was a good idea. Now that we were doing this, I wasn’t going to let him get in his own way.
“You don’t have to use social media,” I said, keeping my voice gentle. “But if you want to blend in, you need to at least know what social media is.”
“I am not certain that is true.”
“It is.”
His full, plush lips turned down into a pout. My centuries-old vampire roommate was pouting. It was as ridiculous a sight as it was riveting. He bit his lip, and my eyes fell helplessly to his mouth. His front teeth looked no different from anyone else’s. Did Frederick have fangs somewhere, the way Reginald did?
If he pressed those beautiful lips to my throat, would he be able to feel my heart beating beneath the skin?
I still had so many questions. Some of which I didn’t dare admit even to myself.
“The clarity of the photographs you can see on the internet is astounding.” Frederick’s grudging compliment of Sam’s pictures cut into my daydreams, saving me from myself. Thinking about his mouth on my neck—on any part of my body—would lead to nothing good.
I sat up a bit straighter in my chair, feeling a bit flushed. “I’m pretty sure Sam used a filter on that.”
“A what?”
I shook my head. A lesson on Instagram filters could wait for another day. “Never mind.”
Fortunately, Frederick let it drop. “My understanding from Reginald is that there is a way to interact with images you see on social media. How do I do that?”
“Oh. Well, on Instagram you can like a post by clicking that little heart, or you can leave a comment.”
Frederick frowned. “A comment?”
“Yeah.”
“What sort of comments does one leave on Instagram?”
I thought for a moment. “I mean, people say whatever they want. Usually people try to be funny. Sometimes they might try to be mean, I guess. But that would be a dick thing to do.”
“A . . . dick thing to do,” he repeated slowly, sounding confused.
“Exactly.”
Frederick shook his head and muttered something under his breath that sounded a bit like incomprehensible modern slang, though I couldn’t be certain. Then he asked, “May I leave a comment on this picture your friend has posted of his breakfast?”
His question surprised me, after how openly hostile he’d been to the very idea of social media. It was good that he wanted to learn, though. “Sure.” I pointed to the comment box. “Just type whatever you want to say right here.”
He stared at the keyboard, then began to peck at the keys very slowly with two large index fingers.
“I am still unfamiliar with modern keyboards,” he admitted as he painstakingly crafted his message. “They differ so much from the typewriters I am used to.”
I thought of the old typewriters the Art Institute of Chicago had in its collection, and tried to picture Frederick in his old-fashioned clothes, using one of them.
“You’re pretty good at texting,” I said. “I’d think a phone would be even harder to use.”
Frederick shrugged. “I discovered a feature called talk to text,” he said, as he continued typing. For someone who usually moved so fluidly, who seemed so at ease in his own body, he was a clumsy and graceless typist. It was oddly endearing. “Without it I would never use my phone at all.”
Talk to text would explain the length of some of the texts he’d sent me. Smiling a little, I glanced up at my laptop’s screen. My smile vanished when I read what Frederick was writing.
While this photograph is nice enough, I fail to see the point of using advanced technology for such pedestrian purposes. Why did you share it? Yours in good health, Frederick