My head snapped back to him.
“Would it have stopped anything you did?” he demanded, the centers of his cheeks flushing with anger. “And if I told you about her? Would you have even believed I’d found my heartmate? Back then? Because I know you wouldn’t have. You didn’t really believe in it. Neither did I. So, you would’ve still done what you’ve been doing.”
“Maybe you’re right,” I spat, and fuck, maybe he was. “But there had to be other options, Malik. You could’ve said anything, starting with the truth—”
“I didn’t want you coming after me!” Malik shouted, shoving me. “I didn’t want you anywhere near the capital—”
“But I already was!” I yelled, pushing him right back. “Not saying anything sure as fuck didn’t prevent it.”
“I know that. Gods, do I fucking know. But I was fucked, Cas. Damned if I did, damned if I didn’t,” he said, chest rising and falling. “Because I knew if I told you the truth about what Isbeth was trying, you would’ve dropped your plans to free me. You wouldn’t have gone for her. Instead, you would’ve come straight to the capital.” He jabbed his finger at the doors. “And if I told you that I’d joined the Blood Crown, you still would’ve come straight to the capital under the pretense of doing the same thing. And if you had? What do you think Isbeth would’ve done?”
“You knew her better than me,” I snapped. “You tell me.”
Malik’s smile was a cruel twist. “You’d be dead.”
I barked out a harsh, short laugh. “Doubtful.”
“Oh, you really think that?” His laugh mirrored mine. “I think you’re forgetting the original plan, the one where Isbeth had no need of you. It was supposed to be me who Ascended Poppy when the time was right.”
My head cranked to the side, lips peeling back as I grabbed Malik by the collar of his shirt and slammed him into the wall.
“Growl at me all you want, Cas, but the truth is, Isbeth had no need of you before you went off and decided to take the Maiden. She hadn’t planned on that. She’d just adapted her plans, but if you had come for me before that? She would’ve made me kill you.” Malik swept his arms up, knocking mine aside. Then he was right in my face. “Isbeth knew about Millie—what she is for me. And trust me when I say she took every opportunity to use that as leverage. She would’ve made me choose, Cas. Millie or you.”
I stiffened.
“And I wouldn’t have relied on whatever motherly bond she might have had.” His stare held mine. “Because they can dish out worse things than death, as you are well aware. So I think you know what I would’ve chosen.”
I did.
I turned from him, shoving a hand through my hair. Because I knew exactly what I would’ve done if the situation were reversed. Fuck.
“I hated it,” Malik added quietly. “Knowing you were out there, risking your life to free me. I wanted nothing more than for you to return home and forget about me—”
“I never would’ve been able to do that.” I faced him.
“I know, but I wanted it.” His shoulders tensed. “I wanted you to go home and live without guilt, because you wouldn’t have needed to feel as if you had to prove yourself if I’d been a better brother—a better heir.”
“Malik,” I started.
“Come on, the only reason you paid attention in our lessons was the same reason you felt you needed to take care of the Blood Crown. Because you knew that once I took the throne, I would’ve started a war and gotten myself killed.”
“No, you wouldn’t have,” I denied. “You didn’t want war.”
“I didn’t want it, but I could’ve been talked into it. You know Alastir would’ve gotten to me,” he said when I shook my head. “He wanted that long before shit went bad with us and Shea. And I would’ve listened. Fuck, I would’ve let him run the damn kingdom as long as I could do what I wanted, which was whatever required the least amount of effort.”
“You don’t give yourself enough credit,” I muttered. “You never did.”
“That’s something else we’ll have to disagree on.” A few short moments of silence fell as we locked eyes. He exhaled slowly. “I’m sorry, Cas.”
“Don’t.”
“I am. I’m sorry for what you had to believe. I’m sorry for all you had to do. For the pain. For all the death.” His voice dropped. “For Shea.”
I closed my eyes.
“I wish the past was different for us,” he said. “But it’s not, and I don’t think either of us would change very much, would we?”
Not if it jeopardized where we were today, as fucked-up as that was. Rubbing the heel of my palm over my chest, I looked at my brother and thought about how I knew I wouldn’t have done a damn thing differently if I were in Malik’s place.
I dropped my hand, sighing. Knowing that and this conversation didn’t erase all the messy-ass feelings we both had surrounding everything. Our lies. Our guilt. Our fuckups. The blood on our hands.
But we were brothers, and I loved the fucker.
I exhaled long and slow, gaze moving to the door. When I spoke, I kept my voice low. “I’m guessing Millicent still has no idea you’re heartmates?”
Malik’s attention shifted to where mine had. He shook his head.
“You going to tell her?”
“I haven’t really even acted upon it,” he murmured.
My brows flew up. I could only assume he meant getting physical and not the kind that left him bloody. “So, I’m guessing that’s a no?”
Malik nodded.
“Why?” I asked.
A wry smile appeared. “Because she hates me.”
“I don’t think that’s true,” I said, crossing my arms. “When you got hurt out there, she—”
“It’s true,” he cut me off. “She hates me and has every damn reason to.”
I didn’t know what to say to that at first. I had no knowledge of her reasons or what he believed them to be. “Poppy hated me at one point.”
“Yeah, but you haven’t done the things I have,” he said, clearing his throat. “Anyway, there is something you should know. It’s about the Revenants and Kolis.”
His change of subject didn’t pass me by, but I let it slide. “What?”
“Callum made sure all of them knew who their creator was, so those who were loyal to Isbeth? That only went surface-deep. They were loyal to Kolis. And the ones we couldn’t find?” Malik’s eyes met mine. “They’re going to be a problem. They’re going to try everything to bring him to full power and stop anyone who attempts to thwart that.”
Millicent didn’t stay when I re-entered the chamber. Without saying a word, she rose and left. According to Kieran, she’d said nothing while she sat beside Poppy.
She’d only held her hand.
“Everything cool with you?” Kieran asked, picking up a pair of clean breeches. The fact that he’d remained nude by Poppy’s side, not leaving Millie alone, brought forth a smile that was part amused and part, well, proud.