“So, I know you’re lying and I understand why you would. Those men speak of you with such awe that before I even met you, I half-expected you to be a child of the gods,” I told her. “They would never report you.”
“That may be the case, but you heard them talking about it. Others could hear them, as well.”
“Perhaps I should be clearer in what I said about hearing rumors. They were actually speaking to me,” I clarified. “Since I, too, have helped those who are cursed die with dignity. I did so in the capital and do so here, as well.” Which was true. Jole wasn’t the first, nor would he be the last.
Her lips parted as she stared at me. Clearly, she hadn’t expected me to say that.
“Those who come back cursed have already given all for the kingdom,” I told her. “Being treated as anything other than the heroes they are, and being dragged in front of the public to be murdered is the last thing they or their families should have to go through.”
She continued staring, but a faint sheen appeared in those jewel-green eyes. A moment passed. Then another as we stared at each other. I didn’t know what she was thinking. Damn, I didn’t know what I was thinking. She’d shocked the fuck out of me tonight. Multiple times. It was a lot to process. And I was sure she didn’t know what to think of me, either. It was clear that she didn’t entirely trust me, not with her secrets, at least, and I needed her trust.
I wanted it.
But I wouldn’t get that tonight.
I leaned forward in the chair. “I’ve kept you up long enough.”
She raised an eyebrow. “That is all you have to say about me being on the Rise?”
“I ask only one thing of you.” I rose. “The next time you go out, wear better shoes and thicker clothing. Those slippers are likely to be the death of you.” I glanced at the too-thin gown and almost groaned. “And that dress…the death of me.”
GOOD GRACES
“Why are you keeping your silence?”
Frowning, I turned to Vikter. We’d been standing in the quiet while Tawny helped Penellaphe ready herself for the summons. The Teermans had to address the people of the city following the Craven attack. Too many had died for them to write it off as a small incident. “What am I keeping my silence on?”
Alert and always-wary blue eyes met mine. “That she was on the Rise.”
I spared a glance at the door, images of her aiming an arrow at me alternating with the vision of her standing in her bedchamber, unveiled with her hair a wild tumble over her shoulders. “Why didn’t you ask this of me when I came to you last night?” I’d gone to him as soon as I left her chambers, partly out of irritation and strategy. I wanted to know why the fuck he’d been out beyond the Rise when he was supposed to be guarding her. I also figured that if she told him before I did, he would think I was keeping something from him. That could lead to him being more wary than he already was, which would further lead to him poking around until he began discovering all the other, more important things I was keeping from him.
“I had a chance to sleep on it,” Vikter retorted. “So, I’m asking you now.”
“Am I not supposed to keep what I saw a secret?” I asked. “Should I have reported her to His Grace?”
I took a deep breath as he turned to face me. “I asked you a serious question, Hawke.”
“As did I of you,” I countered.
His patience was about as thin as his mouth was becoming. So was mine. We had that in common at the moment. “You know damn well she’s not supposed to be outside the castle without a guard, let alone on the Rise.”
“Technically, I did report her. To you—the one who was supposed to be watching her last night,” I pointed out, and he snapped his jaw shut so hard I swore I heard his bones creak. “Perhaps she wouldn’t have been out on the Rise if you had remained at your station.” I let that sink in. “At least now I know why you would leave the Maiden unguarded during a Craven attack.”
Vikter said nothing to that.
“However, I have a feeling that she would’ve found her way out there even if you had remained at her door,” I continued, returning my attention to the closed door, thinking of her reasons for being on the Rise. “She told me why she needed to be out there.”
“And?” Vikter pressed.
Eyeing the grain of the wood, I wondered exactly what she had shared with the Royal Guard to prompt this round of questions. “And I respect that—needing to do something other than relying on others to protect oneself.”
“Because of what she’s been through?”
Yes.
And no.
My respect for that—for her—was a complicated mess. “Even if she hadn’t experienced what she did with the Craven, I can still understand why someone would want to be more active in their protection and defense of those they care about.”
“Most would not, especially given who she is.”
Frustration flared. “I’m not most people.” I looked at him. “And neither are you.”
His eyes narrowed. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Come on now, Vikter.” I chuckled, shaking my head. “You think I don’t know who trained her to fight and use a bow? You did one hell of a job. She almost knocked me on my ass.”
“Obviously, not a good enough job,” he muttered. “If so, you would’ve been on your ass.”
I smiled at that. He had no idea how truly impressive that almost was. “Like I told her, I’m not going to report her to the Teermans or anyone else.”
Vikter was quiet for only a few moments. “Doesn’t make sense.”
I sighed.
“You could earn the Teermans’ favor by keeping them informed,” Vikter reasoned. “Get in even better with them.”
Reminding myself that punching Vikter wouldn’t earn me any of those so-called favors, I said, “I have no desire to be in their good graces.”
He stood so close now that I’d feel his chest move against my arm if he breathed. “Then is it your desire to get into her good graces?”
Irritation sparked as I slowly turned to him. “Now it is I who is asking what that’s supposed to mean.”
His gaze locked with mine for several tense moments. “She is the Maiden. It’s best you not forget that.”
I knew what he was getting at, and he had every reason to remind me of that. More than he realized because I didn’t think of her as the Maiden any longer. For the last dozen or so hours, when I did think of her, I saw her as I had last night, not on the Rise but in her bedchamber, in that barely there nightgown. I saw no problem with the latter. The former, though? Not thinking of her as the Maiden? That could be problematic.
Because just like with the respect, it was a complicated mess.
“I spent the better part of the day thinking about why you would keep her secret. What you’d gain from doing so,” Vikter went on. “You know what I came up with?”
“I’m sure you’ll tell me,” I muttered.
“You’re trying to gain her trust.”
Vikter was right. I needed her trust. I wanted it, and there was a whole realm of difference between wanting and needing. And that was the third complicated mess I found myself in.