“I’m not sure it matters. Good night,” she said coolly, and hung up. She lay in bed with the lights on for half an hour after that, thinking about it, and how easily he’d forgotten her. So much for sexy date nights. Feeling slightly guilty, she called information and asked for the number of the Crosby hotel in Manhattan. She told the automated voice to “connect her,” and a minute later, the hotel operator was on the line. She asked for Mr. Jackson’s room, Paul Jackson, she said precisely, and there was a pause as the operator looked up his room number and then came back on the line.
“I’m sorry, we have no registered guest here by that name,” she said, and Eileen managed to thank her and hang up. She had suspected it, or she wouldn’t have called the hotel, but hearing it was entirely different. It made her fears a reality, like a bolt of lightning that went straight to her heart. She felt like she’d been turned to stone. He had lied to her and had forgotten their date. The only thing she didn’t know was where he was staying that night, and in whose bed.
Chapter 4
Eileen moved through the motions of her life the next day like a robot. She made breakfast for the twins, checked in on Pennie, who was working on her applications, and took the boys to their soccer game. Mercifully, Paul didn’t show up. She didn’t want to see him there after the night before. And the boys hadn’t been expecting him so they didn’t care. It was five o’clock when she got home, and Paul was there, going through a stack of bills in his office at home, and writing checks. He looked up with an apologetic expression when Eileen came in. He stood up to kiss her and she walked past him without looking at him.
“Look, I’m sorry. I really am,” he said nervously. “The client meeting went on forever, and our dinner plans went right out of my head.” She paid no attention to what he said, and turned to look at him from across the room.
“Where did you stay last night?”
“I told you. The Crosby Street Hotel.” For an instant she wondered if she had called the right hotel, and was almost willing to doubt herself, but she knew she had.
“I called there. You weren’t registered.”
“I checked out at the crack of dawn and went back to the office for a while before I came home.”
“I called you there half an hour after you called me. You weren’t there.” He was stone-faced for a minute, not sure what to say.
“Why don’t we just leave it alone for now? We’ve all been through a lot with Pennie’s pregnancy. Let’s not rock the boat again,” he said. They were suddenly in dangerous waters, with sharks all around them.
“She lost the baby three months ago. That has nothing to do with where you stayed last night.” Eileen homed in on him. “There’s obviously another woman in your life. What do we do now?” She heard her own voice as though it were someone else’s. She couldn’t believe she was having this conversation with him after eighteen years and three kids, and everything they’d been through and built together. Or was it all just a house of cards that blew over in the first gust of wind? Had he done this before? She wondered now, and realized she didn’t know him at all.
Paul didn’t admit or deny anything. He bowed his head for a minute at his desk, looking for the right words. He didn’t want to go too far, but he knew something had to be said. He looked up at her with a sigh. “Maybe we need a break. Why don’t I stay in the city for a while?” It was all he could think of to say to relieve the tension.
“Stay where? With whom? I think I have a right to know.” She was shaking when she asked him.
“I can get a furnished studio apartment and stay there.”
“Who is she, Paul?” Eileen pressed him.
“It doesn’t matter. This is the first time.” She didn’t believe a word he said now, but he had admitted that there was someone else. Her heart felt like it was going to stop beating. She was shocked. It wasn’t the answer she’d expected. She thought he’d reassure her.
“Are you in love with her?” She wanted to know now.
“I don’t want to talk about it. I love you and our kids. Can’t we leave it at that for the time being? I don’t want to do anything drastic.”
“You already did. How long has it been going on?”
“A few months.” There was no point lying to her again, he didn’t want to anymore. He had been for months. “I was upset about Pennie, and I made a mistake.” He made it sound so easy, but it wasn’t, for either of them.
“Don’t hide behind our daughter,” Eileen said angrily.
“All right. We’ve been drifting apart for a long time. We probably never should have gotten married, but we’ve made the best of it. I’m just not sure what I want to do with the rest of my life. The kids are what holds us together. What happens when they leave? The boys are leaving in seven years. I’ll be forty-eight then. You’ll be forty-six. Do we want to continue living a mistake for another seven years?” She was shocked by his question. She’d had no idea he was thinking that way.
“They’re not leaving right now as far as I can see. But it seems like you are.” He was re-evaluating his life, and he hadn’t mentioned it to her. And where was she in all this? Their marriage shouldn’t be based on unilateral decisions. She was turning forty, and her husband had just suggested a break and was walking out on her, because she caught him cheating on her. That was major. And he wasn’t suggesting they fix it. He wanted a “break,” a time-out away from her. This was not the way she had expected her life to happen. She felt as though her whole world was falling apart. “When are you leaving?” She felt as though she was having an out-of-body experience, and someone else was speaking for her. It didn’t even sound like her own voice. She felt strangely calm, or maybe she was just dead and didn’t know it. He had killed her the night before, while he spent the night with his other woman. Now he was moving out to be with her.
“I can leave in the morning,” he said quietly, “or tonight if you’d prefer.” She thought about it for a minute before she answered.
“If you’re involved with another woman, I don’t want you to stay here,” although he had been for the last four months, if the affair dated back to when Pennie told them she was pregnant, or was he lying about that too? Maybe it had gone on much longer, like years, and she’d been too big a fool to see it. They had never been blissfully happy or madly in love, but their marriage had worked well enough for eighteen years. They’d had some good times together, and raised a family, and she’d been faithful to him, even though he hadn’t been to her, apparently.
“I’ll leave tonight then,” he said quietly, and went to pack some things. She stayed in the office, feeling dazed, and he came back a few minutes later with a small overnight bag in his hand. He said he would come back for the rest later, he didn’t want to pack more now. “What are you going to tell the kids?” He was worried about that and so was she.