“I’m okay,” Ricky said, his voice strained when he forced himself to continue, “but I feel so hollowed out.”
“Loving him is worth the pain,” Anthony said. “Isn’t it?”
Ricky thought about it. Then he nodded while wiping at his eyes.
“Everything will be all right,” Anthony said, walking over to him. “Diego is tough. They could throw him in an adult prison and it wouldn’t dull his edges any. He’ll be back. And once he is, he’ll want to see you. So don’t disappoint him.”
“I’m not suicidal,” Ricky said. And it was true, because if there was an even worse way to hurt Diego, that would be it. “How did you know?” he asked suddenly. “That love is worth the pain, I mean. Have you had your heart broken before?”
“Not exactly.” Anthony glanced toward the living room, where Omar wore a distraught expression. Apparently the race wasn’t going well. “The pain is a constant reminder of what we feel for them. I wouldn’t want it to go away.” He turned toward Ricky again. “But that doesn’t mean you can’t be happy at the same time. Or love other people. When you’re ready.”
Ricky slammed into him for a hug. Anthony laughed and squeezed him affectionately. “You’re going to be missed,” he said. “But not forgotten. For now…” He let go of Ricky and picked up the bowl of popcorn. “Come hang out with your friends.”
— — —
Cameron considered himself in the mirror. He was experimenting with styling product. Just enough to give his hair more intention. He sprayed himself with some cologne and then brushed down the button-up shirt he wore. He looked like he was going on a date, and even though his boyfriend would be with him tonight, that’s not what they had planned. His pulse picked up in anticipation before he made himself take a deep breath. This was for him. He hoped it would turn into more than that, but if not, he wouldn’t let his mother’s reaction spoil his mood.
When he turned around to leave the bathroom, he noticed a green eye peeking through the cracked door.
“Anthony!” he said in surprise. “What are you doing?”
“Spying on you like a total perv,” his boyfriend said, pushing the door open and joining him. “I can’t help it. You’re just so hot!”
“Thanks,” Cameron said, happily accepting a kiss. And then another. He laughed and dodged on the third attempt. “If you don’t stop, we’re going to be late.”
“Sorry,” Anthony said, not making any attempt to move. “Just one more.”
Cameron grinned before kissing him.
“Wait, I wasn’t ready yet,” Anthony said. “That one didn’t count.”
Cameron kissed him again, his expression becoming somber. “I’m really nervous,” he admitted.
Anthony’s fingers intertwined with his own. “Just be patient. It might not be tonight, but that’s okay. We’ll keep trying. And at the very least, you can bring home whatever you learn. Ready?”
Cameron steeled himself. Then he nodded.
They went downstairs together, following the sound of clinking glass to the kitchen, where his mother was emptying the dishwasher.
“Help is at hand!” Anthony declared, hurrying over to assist her.
“That’s very nice of you,” Brenda said.
“He’s just sucking up to his future mother-in-law,” Cameron joked when joining them. “Not that I’ve popped the question yet.”
“Most people wait until junior year,” Brenda said. “After they’ve knocked up their girlfriend at prom.”
“We keep trying,” Anthony said wistfully.
“Have you ever considered a surrogate?” Brenda asked before turning to wink at Cameron. She did a double-take. “Don’t you look nice!”
“Thanks,” he said.
“And so do you,” she said, reassessing Anthony, who was wearing long black shorts that ended just below the knee and a tight gray t-shirt that wasn’t torn up or covered in red stains. Which for him, was downright formal. “Do you have a big date tonight?”
“Big plans,” Cameron corrected. “Would you like to come with us?”
Brenda laughed, like he was being silly, but he kept his face serene. “What do you mean?” she asked. “Where are you going?”
He glanced at Anthony, who nodded and left the room. “To that support group I mentioned.”
Brenda searched his eyes before she turned away. “You can’t be serious.”
“I am,” he said.
She looked at him sharply. “I hope you haven’t been drinking!”
“How you feel right now,” he said quickly, “that worry… It’s how I feel all the time. About you.”
“You shouldn’t—” she began.
“But I do,” he interrupted. “I love you, Mom, but you can’t keep going this way. You’re just numbing the pain instead of dealing with it. I wish Dad was around more. I’m hurting too. But I won’t ruin my own life because of him. I’m worth more than that. And so are you.”
“Sweetheart,” Brenda said gently. “You don’t have to worry about any of it. I’m fine.”
“You’re not! And I do worry. You don’t know what it’s like to come home and see you passed out on the couch. Or to find you there in the morning. It really upsets me. That’s why I’m going to this group tonight. I hope they’ll have some advice for me. I figure it can’t hurt. So why not?”
“I don’t want anyone to think that I’m—” Brenda began before she shook her head. “You’re probably going to say that admitting I have a problem is the first step.”
“I don’t know how it works,” Cameron told her. “But I guess I’ll find out at the group. And I figured even if you don’t want to go for yourself, that maybe you’d come to support me.”
His mother turned toward the kitchen counter and placed both her hands on it, as if to steady herself. He watched her think, praying that this would be the turning point.
“If he’s never coming back,” Cameron said, “then we’re going to need each other. More than ever.”
Brenda turned toward him. She placed a hand on his cheek and smiled, like she was proud of what she saw. Then she nodded.
— — —
Anthony was stretched out on his back. He took a deep breath so he could sigh in contentment. He considered opening his eyes, but then, he had no obligations. Most of his friends were working. Or had plans of their own. Cameron and Mr. Finnegan were helping to arrange the new antique shop, which from what he had heard, mostly involved Charles issuing orders while stretched out on a chaise lounge. He couldn’t wait to see it all for himself… once the heavy lifting was out of the way. The new store was just around the corner from Right Round Records, which made him happy, since it would be easier to visit Charles. Anthony had questions for him. About so many things.
His body sank before springing back up again. He opened his eyes to find Omar holding himself above Anthony. His best friend grinned like a little kid and said, “Wanna wrestle?”