There are two chairs and a table at the far end of the balcony. I hop on the chair and then onto the table near the edge just as Asher stalks out after me.
I’m facing him, one leg planted on the railing’s edge and the other on the table. We’re at least thirty stories high. If I fall, I’ll die.
Everything will fucking end.
I shake the gloomy thoughts away and face Asher.
He freezes in the doorway, shoving both hands in his pockets, and I can almost swear he fists them. “What the fuck are you doing, Reina?”
“That’s the thing, Ash. I was never Reina.”
“What?”
“My name is Rai Sokolov and I’m Reina’s twin sister. I switched places with her when we were twelve. After Mom kidnapped her, we took each other’s identity. She went with the Russian mafia that chased me and I came to live with Dad.” I don’t know why I’m telling him all this, but now that I’ve started, I can’t stop. “I’m not from your world. I’m just a runaway, a nobody who couldn’t save her own sister. So if you want to kill me for whatever the fuck I did to you, stop playing games and do it already. Or let me do it for you—I don’t care anymore.”
The whole time I’ve been talking, Asher has been slowly approaching me, gradually removing both hands from his pockets.
I should’ve focused on that and on the fact that he’s probably coming to make what I asked reality.
My limbs shake and my leg keeps approaching the edge. The strong wind hits me in the bones, my teeth chatter, and a full-body tremor takes me over.
“Come down from there, Reina.” Asher’s order is slow but firm enough to make my heart jump.
“Didn’t you hear a word I said? I told you I’m not Reina. I’m an imposter.”
“I don’t give a fuck about your name. You’re the only Reina I know.” He reaches out his hand. “Come the fuck down.”
I eye him suspiciously. “Don’t you want me dead?”
“Come down. Now.” His face becomes closed off like he’s an entirely different person, almost as if he’s camouflaging something.
Then I recognize that somber look in his eyes.
Fear.
Pure, raw fear.
He doesn’t want me to jump.
Why the hell is my heart thumping at that?
Stop it. Don’t celebrate. Don’t you dare celebrate.
“If…” I clear my throat. “If you don’t want me dead just yet, can you let me search for my sister first? I’ll do whatever you want once I find her.”
He says nothing.
“Please…” I soften my voice.
He grabs me by the wrist and pulls me down so hard I shriek, thinking I’ll topple over the edge.
Instead, I land in the midst of strong arms. Steel limbs crush me to his chest, his embrace nearly suffocating and yet so…warm.
Asher is warm when he chooses to be. It’s just that he rarely allows that part to shine through.
My cheek lies against his chest muscles and I inhale him, the sandalwood and citrus, the warmth and the safety.
The need to cry hits me out of nowhere.
But why?
Why, Asher, just why?
He places both hands on my cheeks and wrenches me away from his warmth to hold me at arm’s length. “Don’t you dare fucking do that again, understood?”
My lips tremble, but I say nothing.
“What happened to what you said? The part about how I don’t deserve for you to sacrifice yourself for me or anyone else?” He shakes me hard as if he’s jamming those words inside me. “Snap the fuck out of it.”
The need to throw myself into his embrace again becomes overwhelming like an actual presence with thoughts and feelings, but since I can’t do that, I focus on my other purpose. “Are you going to let me search for my sister?”
“For fuck’s sake.” He wrenches himself away from me and I flinch backward as he turns, facing the endless buildings and their lights.
His shoulders hunch with tension, and I don’t know how to make it better—not that I should.
“So?” I press instead.
“Fine.”
A breath heaves out of me as I try to get my chaotic feelings in check. If he leaves me be, I’ll be able to focus on finding Reina.
Then, when I give her back her life, I’ll pay whatever price Asher wants of me.
“But you’re not doing it alone,” he continues.
“What?”
He turns around, his expression less agitated than earlier. All tension has left him, replaced by a calculative streak.
“We’re in this together.”
My brows furrow. “Why would you want to help me?”
He reaches me in two seconds and wraps a hand around my neck. “Because I own you, my ugly monster.”
We stay the night in my apartment after Asher refused my millionth attempt to make him leave. He even called Izzy, informing her I’d be spending the night with friends.
Friends. Psh, whatever.
Asher is probably the last person who could be considered my friend.
I spy on him as he washes the dishes in the kitchen—without using the dishwasher. Then he places the leftover mac and cheese in a casserole and puts that in the refrigerator.
Seriously, why does he keep doing things like that for me? It only makes me feel more apprehensive.
I retreat to where I woke up and close the door. It’s so similar to my room in Alex’s house, only this one’s closet is filled with leather skirts and pants, the latest fashionable bags and shoes.
With a sigh, I lie on the bed and stare at the ceiling. My phone and bag sit on the nightstand. Asher must’ve brought them in when he carried me up here.
I unlock Instagram then type.
Reina-Ellis: Are you there?
His reply is immediate.
Cloud003: For you, always.
A smile tugs on my lips. I need a friend so bad right now, and I don’t want to bother Naomi or Lucy with a long story this late.
Sure, I could’ve called Jace, but this anonymity gives me a lot of courage.
Reina-Ellis: I stood on the edge of a roof today and threatened to kill myself. I didn’t mean to, you know. I only wanted to bargain for something else, but as I stood there, a pull kept tugging me.
Cloud003: Did you give in to it?
This is what I like about him. He doesn’t judge me when I talk about this type of stuff.
Reina-Ellis: No, or I wouldn’t be talking to you right now *tongue out emoji*
My attempt at humor falls flat.
Cloud003: But you thought about it.
Reina-Ellis: I did, but at the same time, I didn’t.
Cloud003: How so?
Reina-Ellis: I can’t explain it. There was someone else with me, and as I stood there, I felt a strange type of freedom and told him things I’ve been keeping a secret for nine years, things no one else knows, things I don’t think I would’ve ever said if I weren’t standing at the edge. There’s something so liberating about having nothing left to lose.
He takes a few seconds to reply.
Cloud003: And what was his reaction?
I bite my lower lip. I don’t want to tell him about Asher or about my double identity, but at the same time, I want to continue talking to him.