Plastering on a smile, I wipe the side of my face and turn toward her. She’s wearing one of her long skirts and a blue top.
Her jet black hair, the same color as Asher’s, falls on either side of her face in a short cut. Unlike me, she has no makeup on and is watching me with a kind, worried expression.
I tap the chaise lounge beside me, and she trips over her own feet to join me.
She’s warm that way, Ari. Sometimes, it seems too warm to be true.
Ever since I’ve gotten to know her, I’ve seen a similarity to my relationship with Reina. No one can replace Reina in my heart, but Ari comes close. I’ve loved her and taken care of her as a sister since we met six years ago.
“I’m so sorry about Asher. He can be so dumb sometimes.” She digs her teeth into her lower lip and clinks her thumbnails against each other.
Despite how close we’ve gotten, Ari has never actually lost her anxiety. Asher told me she developed it after their mother died. Ari saw it as some sort of abandonment and reacted hard to it. Her brother and I silently agreed to protect her from the harsh world surrounding her.
Well, as much agreeing as we can do. Asher and I are just…wrong. I don’t know if there’ll be a day when we’ll be right.
“It’s okay,” I tell her. “I’m used to it.”
“Well, I’m not.” She lowers her head. “I’m sorry he doesn’t love you.”
Her words are like knives shooting straight to my heart. Deep down, I knew it, but to hear it out loud hurts more than I’d like to admit.
It’s like bleeding out—silent, but deadly.
Just when did we reach this phase? When did Asher and I stop holding hands and sneaking out to meet each other?
I know when.
When he first kissed me at fourteen. A real kiss, a kiss with sloppy lips and clinking teeth and wandering tongues.
I realized I couldn’t possibly live without this boy anymore, and it scared the fuck out of me because Asher isn’t mine. He’s Reina’s. I was only supposed to be friends with him, not decide I want to keep him for my selfish, backstabbing self.
Then Dad and Alex announced the engagement and I made the decision to stay the fuck away, bury my feelings, and pretend I had none.
That was the only way to keep away from someone who didn’t belong to me.
“I don’t think he has that in him.” Ari’s bright blue-green eyes meet mine. “He’s like my dad. I don’t think he ever loved my mom.”
Not finding words to say, I nod.
“I-I wish I knew that before,” she stammers.
“What do you mean?”
“I…I don’t want you to judge me, Rei. You’re like the only friend I have.”
“It’s okay, Ari.” I hold her hands in mine. “You can tell me anything.”
“You’re not going to judge me?”
“Never.” I smile. “Best friends don’t judge each other.”
She bites down on her lower lip so hard, I think she’ll draw blood. “I…I love Asher.”
“I know that.”
“No.” She meets my gaze then quickly averts it to stare at her lap. “I’m in love with him, Rei. Not like a sibling, but as a man.”
I freeze, my hand turning stone-cold around hers.
Oh, God.
“He doesn’t love you,” she blurts and goes back to clinking her nails against one another. “And you never loved him, so can you please leave him to me, Rei? You can find better, I know you can.”
For a long time, no words come out of my throat. I can’t speak or breathe.
I can’t do anything.
But as I stare down at her, I see it loud and clear. The pieces start falling together one after another. The miscommunications, the incidents, and the fights make sense now.
I can’t believe it took me this long to see it. How could I be so blind to the facts in front of me?
How could I let my emotions lead me?
This has to end. Now.
I need to speak to Asher.
I don’t go home that night.
I stay hidden in the locker room and make sure everyone leaves before I go into the gym and jump.
Over and over again.
Adrenaline fills my system as I run and flip backward. I jump and drop down just so I can do it again.
It doesn’t help.
No matter how much energy rushes into my veins, it’s too little to satiate the deep ache I’ve been feeling since I had that flashback.
I bend forward, catching my breath. I’m in my shorts and sports bra, my hair up in a tight ponytail.
The gym becomes blurry as I flop down on the floor, chest rising and falling heavily. My temples ache and my stomach rumbles its displeasure. I might have forgotten to eat today.
I hold my head between my hands as rampant theories assault me. Arianna, Asher, and I were so much more than what everyone else thinks.
After she told me she was in love with her brother, I figured something out, and I was going to talk to Asher about it, but what was it?
The logical step would be to ask him, but the truth is, I’m scared. My shoulders shake with terror at the thought of talking to him about Ari.
She’s his wound, and if I keep snooping around, he might shut me down immediately.
Besides, he thinks I did something to her.
…did I?
In the beginning, I didn’t want to believe that, but after that flashback, I’m not sure. My relationship with Arianna was as odd as her feelings for her brother.
And my feelings for him, too.
Because even back then, it was obvious how much Asher meant to me. I was just a pro at hiding it.
How could someone so young carry the weight of the world on their shoulders? The loss of Mom and Reina, then losing Dad, and to top it all off, I had to push away the only person who added color to my life.
I shouldn’t have judged Old Reina so hard. She might have acted like a bitch, but she was also dealing with so much.
Add Arianna and it was a freak show.
“Rei-Rei?” Owen’s voice pulls me out of my jumbled thoughts. He and Sebastian cross the length of the gym and stand in front of me.
They’re wearing their Devils jackets with messenger bags slung over their shoulders, likely meaning they just finished practice.
I check my wristwatch: eight in the evening. Well, hell, I lost track of time.
“What are you doing here?” I ask.
Owen points his thumb at Sebastian. “He always hangs around the cheerleaders like a creep.”
“So do you.” Seb searches around me. “Is Tsundere here?”
“Her name is Naomi, and she already left.” I jump to my feet and grab a towel from the sidelines.
Sebastian couldn’t hide his disappointment even if he tried.
“Told you.” Owen waggles his brows. “A creep.”
“Fuck off,” Seb says.
“He’s right.” I look him up and down. “It’s clear you’re attracted to her, so why don’t you stop the hot-and-cold attitude and step up? She won’t wait until she turns old and gray.”
“Deep words, Rei-Rei.” Owen clutches his chest. “I think I’m going to cry.”
I roll my eyes as Seb glares at me.
“Life is short.” A raw sense of sadness assaults me. “You never know what will happen tomorrow, so might as well seize today.”