We’re back at the castle before the sun rises. Pelly curls up under a tree while I do pull-ups, less to build strength and more to try and exhaust it. What used to feel like potential now feels like a constant tension. Less like I’m ready for any fight that might happen, and more like I’m aching for something—anything—to fight.
With nothing else to do, I head inside and shower, then walk to the library to kill a couple hours—the only thing I’m allowed to kill, I guess—before everyone gathers for our weekly meeting. We gave up the council room, preferring the cushy chairs we dragged into the library and set up in a circle. It feels more familiar to us than a stiff, formal room anyway.
The whole castle is dark and asleep. So I stop short when I see a strip of light beneath the polished wood door to the library. I have to fight against the instant alarm and wariness that seizes me. It’s probably Rhys, or my mother. Still, I open the door as silently as possible, on high alert. And then I freeze. It’s a familiar face, after all. But not one I expected to find.
Artemis?
Artemis!
“You’re back!” I rush into the room and throw my arms around Artemis in a hug. She came back. Seeing her here is like being able to take a deep breath for the first time in months. Things are going to be better now.
She’s holding a thick book, and it presses into me between us, trapped by my hug. “I knew it. I knew you’d finally get smart and leave Honora. I’m so happy you’re home! We have so much to talk about!”
But Artemis hasn’t said anything. And she’s still just holding that book. If she snuck in to come home, why wasn’t she waiting in our room? Why is she in the library? I cringe with guilt and try to form something like sympathy on my face as I release her. “Are you okay? Was it a bad breakup?”
I don’t hope it was. But I hope it was. Get it together, Nina. It’s my turn to be here for Artemis. She must not have been ready to face everyone yet after walking out on us for Honora and having that fall apart. I will not let my glee show. “We’ve all missed you.”
She still hasn’t said anything, and an alarm is ringing insistently somewhere inside me. Something is wrong. Did she get hurt? Is she in trouble? I babble, trying to fill the space between us. “We have meetings in here now. Didn’t want to use the old council room. Too stuffy. And we don’t really have lessons anymore. Not like we used to, anyway, though obviously Rhys still spends every waking hour studying. He’s working on some really great resources for us. And Imogen isn’t in charge of the Littles or teaching anymore; she’s mostly in the kitchen. Wait until you try her cookies. You won’t have to do those duties anymore, not unless you want to. We’ll work you into the schedule however you want, though everyone has to do a shift of bathroom cleaning, unfortunately. I tried to argue that it’s not part of my skills as a Slayer, but no one bought it. Anyway, you’ll get to pick what you want to do now, so that’s good, right?”
“I’m not back, Nina.”
The blow I was bracing for lands. I sit, staring at her. “Just visiting?” I keep my tone light and hopeful. But this doesn’t feel like a friendly visit. You don’t sneak into the castle in the dead of night if you want to pop by to check on how everyone’s doing. “Lots of new residents to introduce you to. How long are you staying?”
“You know I’m not.” She shakes her head, then sits across from me. But she’s not slumped in a chair. She’s perched on the edge of it, halfway up already. I can’t put my finger on what’s different until I realize she’s bracing herself against me. She used to orbit around me, always busy, anticipating needs before I had them. The way she’s sitting, it’s not like she’s half ready to get up and help me with something. It’s like she’s in a runner’s crouch, ready to take off. Away from me.
She finally looks me in the eyes. The rest of my dream hits me like cold water, plunging me back into the memory of laying her body down. We do look more alike now. But that fills me with panic. I don’t want that dream to be right about anything.
“You should turn them out,” Artemis says.
“Who?” I ask, trying to get the image of all the bodies out of my head.
“The demons.”
“Why would we do that?”
“They make you a target.”
“I’m already a target. We all are. We’re protecting ourselves and everyone else who needs it.” I sound more desperate than I want to. I want her to be impressed with what I’m doing here. To want to be part of it. She was always so supportive of my efforts to be castle medic and to expand my skills there. I finally have my mother’s approval, but it doesn’t compensate for losing my twin’s.
Artemis hugs the book she’s holding to her chest like a shield. “No one cares about Slayers anymore. They care even less about Watchers. If you weren’t running your little animal hospital here, no one would so much as lift a claw against you. All these years hiding were totally down to Watcher hubris. They couldn’t imagine a world that didn’t care about them, so they assumed everyone still wanted them gone, when in reality, no one even thinks about them anymore.” She looks around the library, shaking her head. “It’s like a mausoleum in here. You’re all living with the dead, still letting them control you.”
I jab a finger at her. “That’s not you talking. That’s Honora. This matters because it’s our past. Our heritage. Our link to Dad.”
Her eyes narrow, sharp and cutting. “You think Dad would want this? You staying hidden in a castle, isolated from the world, not doing anything to protect it? It’s selfish.”
I flinch at her words. “It is not. I’m protecting people!”
“No, you’re protecting demons. You think I don’t know who you’ve taken in? You have a vengeance demon, for hell’s sake! How much carnage is she responsible for? And now because her wish-granting is broken, suddenly she deserves help? I know you didn’t like the way Watchers did things, but gods, at least Watchers protected their own. What you’re doing here is irresponsible and dangerous. If you want to keep the Watchers safe, kick the demons out.”
“If we do that, we’re right back to what we used to be!”
“Who cares? You’re exactly what you always wanted. The most important girl in the castle.”
Her words pierce with more brutal force than the First Slayer’s blade did in my dream. Something in her face softens seeing my reaction. She sighs and leans forward, almost against her will. “I don’t mean that. But you always wanted to be a Watcher. You wanted this.” She lets go of the book and gestures to the room and castle around us. “And you’re holding on to it in the only ways you can. But you’re wrong. You’re all wrong. Be Watchers or be normal. This hybrid mess you’ve created will get people hurt.”
Is she right? Did I build Sanctuary with myself at the center just so I could finally matter the way I wanted to? But I didn’t do it for myself. I did it for Doug—kind, funny. Pelly, padding silently by my side. Jessi, who’s sort of the worst but loves the Littles as much as they deserve to be loved. Weirdo Tsip. The tiny purple demons.