“The problem is,” Gregory said quietly, “you want the wrong thing.”
“What should I want?”
His gaze bore into mine. “Me. I would never hurt you as he did.”
I longed for the promise in his voice to be real, for the meaning of his words to be true. I scrambled to find an objection to his reasoning. “This isn’t right. You shouldn’t be engaged to save me from the very thing I desire. You should be free to marry whomever you wish, as should I.”
Gregory brought his hand to my face and his thumb brushed my cheek, leaving a warm trail in its wake. “I am marrying who I wish.”
For a moment, the determination in his eyes made me forget. Both the impending storm in the sky and the storm raging inside me disappeared. There was no cold, no wind, no time. I had no need to even breathe. All I needed was to feel this, to feel wanted, to feel secure. I relished the gentleness of his touch, the promise of protection in his expression.
But even as my heart cried out with longing, my mind screamed a warning. I was not safe with him. I would never be safe with him; he had confessed that very thing the first night we met. He wanted love, romance. He believed he could make a woman love him simply through sheer willpower.
And he had shown I was susceptible. Gregory was exactly the sort of man I needed to avoid.
My hand flattened against his chest, becoming the barrier it was supposed to have been from the first. “But I do not wish to marry you. And continuing to insist on this marriage makes you exactly like him.”
Gregory’s thumb stilled. His gaze fell to my lips, and my traitorous heart began pounding. Then he stepped back and dropped his hand.
The first drops of rain splattered on our heads and faces. It wasn’t the warm rain Alice had hoped for. The drops were cold and harsh, pounding against our skin and onto the surface of the lake where ever larger ripples marched outward until there were so many circles the whole surface was at war. A cold wind blew through the trees, and not even Gregory’s proximity held off the shiver that coursed through me.
“We should return,” he said abruptly.
I nodded and slid away from the boulder, away from him. I had just turned toward the path when he draped his coat across me, his hands lingering on my shoulders.
His tender touch stopped me. Edward had never given me his coat. If he had been with me, caught in the rain like this, he would have yanked my hand and run, unconcerned that he pulled too hard or ran too fast for me to keep up. Not Gregory. He lingered, letting himself get wet while the warmth of his nearness soaked through me, shielding me from the cold wind. Edward’s touch had always felt forced, never as natural, as right, as Gregory’s did. Edward had never smelled of mild cologne, saddle oil, and promises in such a perfect combination.
For a moment, I imagined Edward had never existed, that I had instead lost my heart to Gregory. I imagined myself leaning into him, resting my head against his chest, allowing his arms to wrap around me.
But there had been an Edward. And even if Gregory was not Edward, was nothing like Edward, I was still me. I had promised myself not to be taken in. I would stand by that promise. He would always be Lord Williams to me.
“Thank you,” I said quietly, stepping away from his touch, back into the cold.
We walked in silence along the path and under the arch. The storm became worse with every passing minute. By the time we reached the lawn surrounding the house, my curls stuck to my face and neck. I pulled the coat tighter around me. Lord Williams looked much the same as he had after falling into the lake, except this time there was no smile on his face.
Twenty
The door burst open at our approach. My mother blocked the entry, her gaze flicking over us, then flying over us again. “Where is Alice?” A hint of annoyance laced her otherwise calm question.
I glanced behind her. “We sent Alice back almost immediately. She should be here.”
“She did not return.”
I frowned. It wasn’t like Alice to not return. “Perhaps she slipped into her room. She said she was studying history.”
My mother shook her head and moved back into the house. “Colin!”
Lord Williams closed the door behind us.
“I’ll fetch something to dry off with,” I said, shrugging out of his coat. He took it with a nod. After retrieving some towels, I found him in the drawing room next to the fire.
My mother rushed into the room a moment later. “Margaret, I cannot find your sister anywhere. I have the servants searching the house, but she is gone.”
My breath whooshed out of me in shock. “Gone? Where would she go?”
My father and brother raced into the room, both dripping water onto the floor.
“She isn’t in the stables,” Daniel said.
“Nor could I find her anywhere near the house,” my father puffed.
“Father! You should not be out in this weather. You’ll get ill.” I quickly pulled his wet overcoat from him.
“What does it matter? Your sister is out there somewhere in this storm.”
Lord Williams stepped forward. “Perhaps she got lost between the lake and here. I’ll go search for her.”
“I’ll go with you,” I said.
He shook his head. “You are already wet. You should stay here and get warm.”
“You are just as wet as I am—more so, in fact, because I had your coat.”
He looked down at his clothes, as though just remembering their dampness.
“Lord Williams, thank you for your offer,” my mother interjected. “It would be a great comfort to know you are looking as well.” I stared at her, shocked that she had agreed so easily. Only a deep concern for Alice’s welfare would convince her to include a guest in family matters.
He nodded. “It was on my account that she was out in the first place.”
“I insist on being included,” I said.
Daniel shook his head. “Stay here. Get dry. We’ll find her.”
“I can at least search the garden.”
“Do you really think she is there?” Lord Williams asked, looking at me doubtfully. “I will search there only as a precaution and retread the path back to the lake.”
“I know the way best. You will need me. I could—”
He leaned close, pretending to adjust his coat. “Stay here. Please,” he whispered. “I will concentrate better knowing that you are safe.”
I looked up to search his expression. However, he looked away as though he hadn’t said anything. His words warmed me better than any fire, but it was Alice who was lost out in the storm. Dear Alice. What if for some reason I was the only one who could find her? On the other hand, what if I wasn’t here when she came home? I gritted my teeth and glanced around. My father and mother had to stay in as well. I could not pretend to care more for her than they did.
I sighed. “I will stay.”
My father began struggling back into his coat. I placed a hand on his arm and said quietly, so that no one else heard, “Father, you cannot go back out. You will be no good to Alice or anyone if you become ill.”
“What good am I sitting around?”
“If you fall ill, it will take attention away from Alice, who is sure to become ill herself from being out in this weather after so recently having a cold.”