‘I can’t think about anything beyond Millie. You’re asking too much. There’s no space in my head for you, me, anyone.’
He drops his gaze. ‘I understand. The important thing now is that we put on a credible performance for Zoe. She needs to believe you don’t want me here, and it’s essential the police don’t know what we’re doing – it would ruin everything. You have to believe that. And we’ll never be able to live with ourselves if we don’t give this our best shot.’
I say nothing and clench my lips between my teeth to stop myself blurting out what I really want to say. Instead I nod my agreement, close my eyes and summon up the tears. They’re so close to the surface that it’s not difficult. I start to sob as I walk out of the door and go ahead of Ash down the stairs, carrying his bag. He follows, sliding down on his backside. Not the most dignified of exits.
It’s as if the whole house has got wind that something isn’t right, because as I reach the bottom of the stairs, wiping my hand across my eyes but not holding back on the weeping, they troop out into the hall. Tessa is still here. I hadn’t known that, but I don’t care.
‘What’s going on?’ Sami asks.
I wave my hand uselessly, as if it’s impossible for me to speak. It is really, so again, not too much of an act.
‘This is hard,’ he begins, and I notice Zoe is watching from the doorway to the sitting room. ‘Everything that’s happened in the last couple of days has brought things to the surface with Jo and me, and we think it’s better if I go and stay somewhere else. We’re not helping each other; we’re blaming each other, and Jo’s told me she’s better able to deal with it on her own, without me here.’
‘Why would anyone blame you, Ash?’ Nousha, of course, thinks her brother is beyond reproach.
We had decided not to mention Ash’s affair, because the police would immediately want to know who it was with and whether it is relevant to the case – which indeed it is.
‘It’s for the best if I go and stay in a hotel for a while. I won’t be far away, and I’ll let you know when I’m settled.’
‘Stay with me! You can have the bed and I’ll have the sofa,’ Nousha shouts.
Tessa says nothing, but she’s watching me. Does she know I’m acting? In truth only a tiny bit of me is; I couldn’t be more heartbroken.
‘DCI Douglas has asked you not to leave,’ Zoe says. ‘I think you should take his concerns seriously. We can’t force you to stay, but I must repeat that you might be putting yourself in danger.’
‘I know, and I’m sorry. But it’s my decision – well, mine and Jo’s. Please tell him I’ll let you know when I’m at my hotel. I can be reached on my mobile – you already have the number. To be honest, Zoe, if they come for me again, they can have me if that means they take me to Millie.’
Ash heads to the door and I walk towards the kitchen. I don’t want to watch him go. The only sound is Nousha’s voice; she’s continuing to beg Ash to stay with her.
I walk into the kitchen and I’m about to close the door when Tessa appears.
‘What’s going on, Jo? There’s something not right here.’
I take a deep breath. I may regret this later, but it’s what I have to do. ‘Don’t talk to me about something going on, Tessa. Personally I don’t give a stuff if you’re shagging a man twenty years your junior who hasn’t got the experience to deal with the likes of you – a woman who will discard him the minute she’s had enough. But this is Sami, and he’s been hurt enough in his life. You hid your relationship from us all, so don’t expect me to share with you. If you’d told the police it was him, it would have saved everyone a lot of time. Just go home. Take him with you, if you want. But leave me in peace.’
There’s a stunned look on her face. I never behave like this, but there’s nothing normal about the current circumstances, and I have to get her out of my kitchen. There’s something I need to do.
After a few seconds she turns to leave and closes the door behind her. I wonder how long it will be before I hear a knock. It’s quicker than I thought.
‘Come in, Zoe.’
Her cheeks are pink with embarrassment, but she is clearly determined to say her piece.
‘This is a dreadful time for you, Jo, and I don’t want to make anything worse, but I have to report this immediately to DI Robinson, and I’m sure she’ll want to speak to you.’
‘Can you come in and close the door?’ I ask. She looks slightly startled but does as I ask.
I drop my voice to a whisper. ‘Zoe, when you phone Becky, do it from in here, but speak quietly. Only speak to Becky – no one else, do you understand? I need to see her urgently. Away from the house, and away from a police station. No one must know. Please stress that. No one at all.’
I promised Ash I wouldn’t involve the police.
I lied.
68
Ash booked himself into the Premier Inn at Salford Quays. He wasn’t expecting to be there for long, but the police would want to know where they could reach him, and it seemed as good a place as any.
Paying for three days, he took his bag to the room and dumped it, then headed back down and outside to a bench by the river. It was freezing, but at least it wasn’t raining.
He tried to plan what to say when he made the call, but in the end he decided it would be a mistake if he sounded too rehearsed, so with shaking fingers he pulled out the phone he’d been given and called the only number on its list of contacts.
It rang once. ‘Ash! This is a surprise. It’s wonderful to hear from you, darling, but this isn’t what we agreed. Don’t let’s spoil things now – we’re so nearly there.’
Why did she have to make it sound as if it was all so wonderful; that they weren’t doing anything wrong? Did she feel no remorse?
‘I tried. I really did. After seeing you I went home and told Jo that I needed to get away. Just as you said I should, only I couldn’t wait. I couldn’t pretend; she knew I didn’t want to be there, so I’ve left her. Please, let me be with you. It’s what I want. What we both want.’
‘Where are you now?’
‘I’ve checked into a hotel because I’ll have to give the police an address. They won’t be checking on me every minute of the day, so there’s lots of time for us to be together, if we’re careful. When can I see you?’
There was silence from the other end of the phone. ‘A couple of days would be sensible.’
Ash groaned before he could stop himself, but fortunately she misunderstood.
‘I know, darling. It’s hard. Maybe we could meet for an hour later. We can make our plans then. I’ll send Terry to pick you up.’
‘Can I see Millie?’
There was a gentle tut from the other end of the line. ‘Not yet. Don’t rush it. You need to learn some patience. Anyway, it would confuse her just as she’s settling in. If you see her for five minutes and then you’re gone she’s going to be upset, and she’s just getting used to things. We’ll talk to her together soon, and explain what’s going to happen.’