“Sister from another mister,” I joke with her, then look at Casey. “You can’t sleep with her. She’s your sister.”
“She is not even close to being my sister,” Casey says, shaking his head.
“Kallie,” my father says, and I look at him. “I get why you are angry.” I sit up now. “But you have to let Jacob do his job.”
“I’m not getting in his way. I want to stay out of his way. I want to be so far away from him that I moved to the other side of the country. If I could, I would even go farther.” I slap the table. “I want nothing to do with him. Not one thing. I don’t want to see him. I don’t want to talk about him. I don’t want to even hear his name.”
“Honey,” my mother says, and I look at her. “He lives here, and he is pretty much all over town.” She looks down. “Ethan, too.” I look at her confused. “His son.”
I push away from the table. “I need some air,” I tell them and walk out of the house and straight to the barn. Walking through the grass, I spot a couple of the boys who smile at me and hold up their cowboy hats to say hello. I walk into the stalls and see Ricardo, who has been with my family since my father took over the farm. “There she is,” he says, coming to me. He’s in his usual uniform of Levi’s, a button-down checkered shirt, and cowboy boots. He opens his arms for me, and I hug him. “Was wondering when you’d come back.”
“Well, here I am.” I step out of his hug and look around. “I’m going to take my girl out.”
“She’s already saddled for you.” I smile at him as he walks over to her stall and brings her out for me.
“Hey, my girl,” I say softly to her and nuzzle her neck. Climbing on the saddle, I say, “I’ll put her away when I get back.”
I gallop out into the field, and when I’m in the clearing, I push her fast. I feel the wind on my face as my hair whips back. I don’t even steer her; I just let her be free. It’s only when she slows down do I see she is taking me right back to where I was last night. I get off her and lead her to the water. I’m not here for more than a minute before I hear the sounds of twigs snapping, and I straighten my back up and my heart speeds up just a bit. Maybe coming all this way without anyone was a stupid idea.
I wonder if Casey has it wired all the way out here. I look around to see where I could escape. My hands get clammy, and I turn to jump back on the horse when I see him walking out of the woods. As I watch him walking with his head down, I take him in. His shoulders are wider, his arms much bigger, and I see a little bit of ink coming up out of his collar. I wonder when he got that, and I wonder why he got it. I shake my head and look around to see if I can get away without him seeing me, but then he looks up and sees me, and he stops in his tracks.
“What are you doing here?” he asks, and I look around.
“Are you asking me what I’m doing here, on my property?” I want him to take off his hat to see if his hair is still black and long on top. I wonder if it still feels silky. I remember when he didn’t cut it for a year because I loved to play with it. He shakes his head. “What are you doing here is the question.”
“I came to see the size of the rock,” he says and walks to the rock. “I’ll have it gone by tomorrow.”
“Good,” I say. He stands there, and I turn to look back at the water, ignoring the pull to him.
“You shouldn’t be out here alone,” he says, and I want to yell at him and ask why he even cares. I want to yell that what I do has nothing to do with him. I want to yell that he needs to go and take care of his wife and their child.
“You should be at home with your wife and child and not worry about where I am.” My mouth opens before I can take the words back. The last thing I want him to know is that I care or that I even think of him.
He ignores my outburst. “I’m going to have a meeting with the guys tomorrow, and I would like for you and Olivia to be there.” He takes off his hat and scratches his head. “It’s good to have everyone working with each other.”
I nod at him, swallowing over the lump in my throat as I look at him. The man I wanted to share everything with; the man I wanted to have children with; the man who said he would hold my hand forever. The same man who holds his wife at night and then tucks their child into bed. Maybe coming home wasn’t a good idea. I thought I could handle it. Thought it would be fine. I. Was. Wrong. Nothing about being here is fine.
“I’ll text Casey about it,” he says, looking down. I know he wants to say something else, but he doesn’t. “See you tomorrow.” He turns and walks away from me. This time, I watch his back until I can’t see him anymore. Only when I feel wetness on my hand do I realize I’m crying. Only then do I fall to my knees and bury my face in my hands. I cry for the boy I lost, I cry for the love I lost, and I cry for the piece of me I lost.
I’m raw, and my whole body aches from head to toe. I get back on the horse and take my time getting home. The sun is setting, and when I get to the barn, Ricardo is sitting at the desk. “Welcome back,” he says, and I smile at him. I wonder how awful I look. I’m sure he can tell I’ve been crying. “I’ll take her.”
“Thank you,” I say. After handing him the reins, I walk back to the house. Olivia is lying on the swing outside. She’s slipped out of her jeans and is now in yoga pants and a T-shirt. “Hey,” I say, climbing up the steps to the porch and sitting on the end of the swing.
“I can’t believe this is happening,” she says softly, her eyes staring straight ahead. “He’s taken everything from me.” I don’t say anything as I swing with her. “And now I’ve put your family in harm’s way.”
“Meh.” I shrug. “We can take care of ourselves.”
She turns and looks at me, and her eyelashes are wet from tears. “You guys don’t deserve this.”
“Neither do you,” I remind her. “It’ll all get settled soon. When is he going to court?”
“Two weeks,” she tells me. “And I have to go.”
“We will,” I say. “It’s me and you.” I look ahead.
“How’re you feeling?” she asks, and I look at her.
“Like I’m empty,” I say. “There is nothing left inside me. I have nothing else to give. I have nothing that anyone wants.”
“Then he’s stupid,” she says softly and turns back to stare at the horizon. “He sure is pretty, though.” I don’t respond. Instead, I just look out at the horizon with her, and when my mother comes out to call us in for dinner, we just look at each other.
“Will you come with me to Casey’s house?” she asks. “Not to sleep. You should sleep here. They are right about that. But to work and stuff.”
“Yes,” I say, and she grabs my hand. We walk into the house, and we stop when we see Casey standing there with his feet spread apart and his arms crossed over his chest.
“What now?” I ask, and he just looks at me.
“Did you forget to mention something?” He looks at me, and I wait as my heart beats in my chest. “You spoke to Jacob.” My mother drops the cup she has in her hand, and it shatters on the floor.