When I finally finish in the bathroom, I’m expecting to find him in bed waiting for me, but what I find is him in bed snoring softly. I walk to the bed and turn off the light, sliding in with him. He must feel me get into the bed because his hands reach out and pull me to him. “Night, baby,” he mumbles, and even though I want to hold out, I follow him into sleep.
It’s crazy how easy we get into a routine of waking up at six with a soft alarm, and even though I held out the first day with no sex, it’s a losing battle the next day when he wakes me with his mouth between my legs. I cover my mouth when I come on his face, and when he flips me over and slides into me from behind, I bury my face into the pillow. By the time the seven o’clock alarm rings for Ethan, we are showered and sitting at the island while I drink coffee, and he reads his emails. I help Jacob prepare lunch for Ethan and clean up, getting into the car at the same time. I make dinner for us while he does homework with Ethan.
“Kallie.” Ethan calls my name while I’m frying chicken steak.
“Yeah, buddy?” I look over at him.
“Will you be at my game tomorrow?” he asks. I know he has a game because it’s all he was talking about.
“Of course she’s going to be there,” Jacob says from beside me now.
“Cool. Maybe we can all go for ice cream after,” he says and looks down at his homework.
“Um,” Jacob says from beside me, and I shake my head, not wanting Ethan to sense anything.
Dinner is normal, but my nerves are setting in. When I get up to clean up in the middle of dinner, Jacob looks up at me and continues to eat, and luckily, Ethan doesn’t sense anything.
After dinner, it’s the same routine except I don’t wait on the couch for him. Instead, I take a shower, and when I get out, he’s waiting for me on the bed. “What’s the matter?”
“Is Ethan asleep?” I ask, and he nods. “I’m not sure how I fit in with all this.” I say the truth. “I know how I fit in here.” I use my finger in a circle. “I know where I fit in this”—I point at him and me—“but out there, I don’t know how I fit in.”
“Kallie,” he says, not coming to me, “there is nothing to doubt when it comes to me and you. In here or out there. I want you beside me every single day, for every single event.” He walks to me now. “I never want you to doubt us ever. Never again.” He grabs my face, and I put my hands on his.
“People are already talking,” I say. “My mother has been fielding calls and when she went out the other day, she got stopped and—”
“And after tomorrow, it’ll be old news,” he whispers. “You know how it goes, Kallie. In two days, something else will be the talk of the town.”
“I guess,” I say, looking down. I give him a fake smile, and he knows it.
The next day when he drops me off, I walk into the house, and even Olivia knows something is off. “I have to run an errand,” I say, looking at my watch and seeing that it’s a little after two.
“Going anywhere I should know about?” She wiggles her eyebrows at me. “Afternoon quickie.”
I shake my head. “No,” I say, grabbing my purse, and I walk out of the house before she asks me anything else, and I walk into my parents’ house.
“Mom!” I yell, and she comes out from the kitchen, wiping her hands on a towel. “I’m going to borrow the truck, okay?”
“Sure, honey, is everything okay?” she asks, looking at me, and my stomach already feels like I’m going to vomit.
“Yeah, I just have to pick a couple of things up. I’ll be back soon.” I grab her keys and pull out of the driveway before anyone else can stop me. I drive with the radio off, and my thumbs strumming the steering wheel.
When I pull into the parking lot, I notice it’s empty except for one car. I walk to the door and pull it open. It’s different in the daytime. No loud music, no lights blaring. Just a quiet country bar. “Sorry, we’re closed,” Savannah says and turns around to see me standing here.
“I won’t be long,” I say and walk in just a touch. “Are you here alone?”
She looks at me and nods her head, coming around the bar, and I see her in just plain jeans and a tank top. This woman who destroyed my life, destroyed Jacob’s life. “What can I do for you?” she says with just a touch of attitude, and I’m so fucking over it.
“Well, I’m happy that you know I’m not here for idle chitchat,” I say.
“What are you here for?” she asks.
“I’m here for one reason and only one. Ethan,” I start to tell her and just like the mama bear that I know she is, and exactly like the mama bear I would be at the mention of her son’s name makes her stand up straight. “I’m not going to beat around the bush. We are never going to be friends. I don’t really want to even be here right now, but it’s not just about us anymore, is it?” She starts to say something, but I hold up my hand. “I’m not going away like I did eight years ago. I’m here, and I’m staying. I think for Ethan’s sake we should be cordial in front of each other when we are together for him,” I say and now she laughs out.
“How would you know what is the right thing to do?” she says, and I look at her.
“Well, for one, the right thing would have been to actually be honest.” I give her a cheap shot, and I have zero fucks about it. “You knew he would protect you,” I say. “You knew he would never tell you no. You knew that it would destroy us, yet you didn’t care. You just did what you wanted to do for you.”
“I did what I had to do for my child,” she hisses. “You wouldn’t know anything about that.”
“That’s where you’re wrong,” I say. “You see, while you were parading around this town pretending to be pregnant with his child, I was actually pregnant with his child,” I hiss, and now it’s her turn to stand there with her mouth hanging open and shock all over her face. “Pregnant and alone, thinking that the love of my life and father of my child lied to me, but it was all a lie. I gave birth to my child alone, and I buried my child alone because of you. And I won’t ever fucking forgive you for that.”
“Kallie,” she says with tears in her eyes, “I would never.”
“I don’t want your sympathy. I don’t want anything from you. Now or ever. I’ve spent this past week with Ethan, and I’ve fallen in love with him.” I force myself not to let the tears that are burning to fall. “And for him and for Jacob, I will pretend that we get along.”
“Kallie,” she says again, this time not even pretending that she is crying. “I never wanted to hurt you. I never wanted to hurt Jacob. He is my best friend, and I don’t know where I would be without him.” I don’t interrupt her. “I’m sorry, so sorry.”
“Sorry will not change anything,” I say, and I know nothing either of us can say will make anything better. Nothing she will say will bring back Gabriel. Nothing will ever make anything okay. “I’ll see you tonight,” I say and turn to walk out of the bar. The door slams shut, and when I get to the truck, I stop and rest my forehead against it.