‘Doesn’t bother me if it’s not meant badly is the official one for Government forms, but no one really uses that. The one Dual heritage hated as a kid was half caste.’
‘Ugh. Yes. All noted.’
The sort of sharpness that works in court but not in a marriage. Laurie cringed. Though that was typical Claire, suggesting being good at her job made her a bad partner.
‘I was kidding, sorry!’ Laurie amended. ‘The name Megan comes with a trigger warning for me.’
‘Ah God, sorry, yeah.’
The killer portrait achieved, it let the air out of the balloon somewhat. Chat now felt stilted, while Laurie tried to second guess how much Jamie wanted to be gone and, she suspected, Jamie laboured to conceal he wanted to be gone.
Laurie felt considerable relief when a shimmering vision of Emily in salmon satin squealed: ‘Laurie! What are you doing here?!’ and swooped in for a media person double air kiss.
‘Oh, Emily this is Jamie, from work. Jamie, Emily,’ Laurie said, ‘We’re out for a drink.’
Right,’ Emily said, hand on slinky hip, looking from one to the other and, Laurie thought, doing a good job of appearing to take this in, in real time.
‘I’m with Suzanne from work and a few others, you know Suzanne?’ and Laurie said ‘Yep’ and made a covert UGH face. Emily laughed and so did Jamie.
After a few minutes of Getting To Know Yous, Emily’s diminutive, shinily clad behind perching on the end of their banquette, she excused herself to her companions and said, ‘Really nice to meet you,’ extending a hand to Jamie.
If Laurie had thought about it prior, she’d have predicted that Jamie and Emily meeting would be fireworks and chemistry and delightedly trading the kind of romcom barbs that end with them in the sack. They had a lot of similarities in disposition, and were both knockouts. If Jamie Carter had ever said ‘Set me up with a friend of yours,’ Laurie would’ve without second thought provided Emily’s number and said thank me later.
She didn’t sense much static crackle, but perhaps that was heavy expectation in a ten-minute encounter when Jamie was notionally on a date with her best friend. In fact, she felt Jamie was uncharacteristically subdued.
‘Let’s go,’ Laurie said, under her breath to Jamie, after Emily departed, ‘I’m not having the Suzanne experience twice.’
Laurie waved across the room to Emily, and Emily, leaning in to check Jamie wasn’t looking, made a forefinger to thumb circle. Suzanne boggled. Hah, have that.
As much as she’d enjoyed moonlighting as Pennines Beyoncé, she couldn’t wait to take the bra, Spanx and the heels off. Glamour was agony.
Outside, Jamie handed her into her Uber, reiterating his intentions regards their photo. ‘Essentially a did they or didn’t they tease. And an are they or aren’t they. No smut, obviously.’
As he leaned down to close the door, he said, ‘can’t believe you did a girl buddy “safety check-in” set-up on me, by the way.’
Ouch.
‘I didn’t! Pure coincidence,’ Laurie said, but she knew she looked guilty.
‘Hah. Don’t bullshit the bullshitter, Watkinson,’ he said, and slammed the door before she could protest further.
Laurie was uncomfortable, as nightscape Manchester flew past the car window, and now in more than one way. If that set-up had been so obvious to Jamie, what else might she misjudge?
She feared Emily’s prediction, that lying had unforeseen complications, was already coming true.
19
You Were Tagged In A Photo By Jamie Carter.
Through her blurred senses, Laurie squinted at her handset. They’d gone live, hence the confetti of notifications. She opened Facebook and saw Jamie had captioned it:
Great night @Laurie. Though not sure if I should be thanking you or hating you for this hangover
With morning bedhead, in an old T-shirt and with a light cranial throbbing from the martinis, Laurie appreciated the staged glamour of the picture all the more. They did look like a pair of celebrities, of their own invention. Jamie’s post production tinkering had given it a sheen, an Oscars after party atmosphere. Laurie didn’t really look like that creature who was standing in for her, she wasn’t living that life. But what mattered was everyone else thought she was. One big game of bluff.
She scanned the comments, forgetting that it being Jamie’s post meant most of them were strangers to her.
Looking good, sir
Wow great shot. Like an Armani advert.
Where is this?
You look like the Stark who had his throat cut in the Red Wedding in Game of Thrones. And she looks like the Dragon woman’s handmaiden Missandei. i.e. both fit
♥ She’s beautiful, who’s this Jamie?
Well played, woof
The name’s Carter, Jamie Carter
Woah! Exotic totty!
Jamie had replied to the last saying: ‘Laurie is from Hebden Bridge, surely even you’ve been to Yorkshire, Dave.’ Since his not being sure of her name, she noticed Jamie had been very attentive to any detail she offered, and it was a neat way to point up the micro-aggression without going full attack dog.
There were tons of Likes, eighty-five in total, Bharat among them, and Dan’s sister Ruth had commented:
Great to see you looking so well, Laurie!
Wowsers x
Laurie didn’t see that coming. She hit reply and typed a thank you. She’d always liked Ruth, but since Dan’s mum took Dan’s side, she’d assumed Ruth had done the same and their obligatory ‘sorry to hear’ ‘I’m fine thanks for asking’ text exchange had been friendly but fairly economical on both sides.
What did Dan think? Had he seen it?
From her busy WhatsApp to the half dozen texts, she could see the required splash had been made. And the shamelessness of these inquiries: people she never spoke to who hadn’t got in touch to say sorry to hear about you and Dan, now eagerly fishing.
Laurie only replied to two people directly: Jamie, to reassure him the wording was fine, and Bharat.
Bharat
WTAF YOU DARK HORSE WHAT THE HELL AM I SEEING?! Jamie Carter?!
Laurie
He asked me out and I thought: why the hell not
Bharat
This guy is a stealth bomber, I’ll give him that. I’m probably going to catch him with my mum next time I go home
Laurie
THANKS BHAZ I’m the second to last woman on earth you’d expect him to show an interest in
Bharat
NO NO NO NO. I didn’t know you were ready, that’s all. Glad your having fun. You look TOTAL FIRE. WTF THE HAIR?? Gossip tomorrow please xxx
Laurie couldn’t deal with the agitation caused by the constant ping-ping-ping of new comments and likes and queries. Jamie inhabited a different online world to her, a busy, interactive one, in fact the man seemed to be a social hub, and Laurie found it overwhelming.
As the thread underneath wore on, friends outright asked if he and Laurie were ‘an item’, and Jamie replied ‘early days’, with a smiley emoji, and ‘if I’m lucky’ to another. He and Laurie agreed in hasty further messages, finessing their approach, that vague, non-committal positivity was the best bluster. Goodness, it felt odd.
He was right about the mixed messaging stimulating more fuss, as everyone tried to figure out if what seemed like an announcement, actually was one.