“He did.”
I don’t know how, but I recover pretty quickly. No reason to lie. “Probably as payback for outing him and Shelli.”
“I’m guessing so. Gotta love brothers. Though, I never had any.”
“You couldn’t give me that luxury, huh?” He snorts as he holds my gaze. Neither of us says anything; we just stare into each other’s eyes. “So, are you upset with me?”
“No, not upset. Surprised.”
He holds my gaze, and I shrug. “No clue what to say here, Dad.”
“Why, bud? You had it so good with her. Did you really need to add sex?” he asks, and my heart jumps into my throat. “Was this just out of lust, or do you care for her?”
I lick my lips. I’m a little stunned here. “I care for her.”
He nods. “Because you told me you cared for Jasmine too. But I know you. I know you don’t take risks, and Ally is a risk. The same with Shelli. When Aiden got involved, I knew it would either be great or awful, which is the issue with our families being so intertwined. We love the Titovs, they’re great people, and we all know they put Ally on a pedestal. Hell, you too. They adore you, and taking this to the next level jeopardizes that. You do realize that?”
I swallow hard and then I nod. “I know, Dad. I’ve thought all of that through and almost lost Ally in the process because I was a jackass about the whole thing.”
“That’s unlike you. How do you mean?”
“She kissed me, and I ghosted her. She came at me, guns a-blazin’ in true Ally fashion, and all I could think was, I can’t lose this girl. I know the risks here, Dad. I do. But I can’t not be with her. I know I am navigating new territory. I’m aware of that. But we have so much history, and I don’t know, Dad, we click, like more so than just friends. And it’s good. Really good.”
He exhales heavily. “Do you love her?”
Man, talk about being kicked in the throat. I feel sweat beading at my temple as I shrug. “I’ve always loved her.”
“No, son. Do you love her?” I know what he means, but I don’t know what to say. I swallow hard, and I guess he takes that as my answer. “Mom says Ally’s always been in love with you.”
And now a kick to the balls. I feel like I’m choking as I hold his gaze. “No one knows that. She hasn’t said that.”
He side-eyes me. “She doesn’t have to say it, Asher. Everyone can just tell. And I think you do too.”
“I wish I could just feel what I feel without people telling me what I feel. Or should feel.”
His eyes fill with concern. “You’re terrified of what that can turn into.”
I blink and look away. “What does that even mean?” I ask, even though I know the answer.
“That she will have the power to break you in two, and you’ve never experienced that.” I swallow hard. Yup, I knew the answer. “I get it, son, I do. You’re a cautious dude, but it’s different with Ally. I know your mom has told you this, and I know you’re probably ignoring her, hoping you’ll be fine. And also, I know this is all new, but people get hurt, even in loving relationships.”
I bite my lip. “I’m trying—”
“I lied to your mom about Audrey dating my best friend at the time.”
I look up, meeting his gaze.
“I almost lost her because of it. Because I thought lying for Audrey was a good idea, when I knew how your mom felt about Audrey’s relationship with the guy. She didn’t want them together, and in a way, I helped hide it from her. It hurt her. If I could lie about that, what else could I lie about?”
I press my lips together. “But you guys are married, kids—”
“Because you don’t give up on the person you love.” I feel like I’m choking on a cheese stick. “I can’t tell you how you feel, Ash. Only you know that, but if you don’t plan on opening your heart to this girl, get out now.”
I look up at him, wide-eyed. “I’ll lose her.”
He shrugs. “You knew that going in. So, you need to decide what you want.”
“I want Ally.”
“But can you give her all of you? She isn’t Jasmine—Ally’ll see right through that. Remember that.”
I bite the inside of my cheek so hard, it bleeds. I knew I would be uncomfortable coming to lunch with my dad, but I never expected to feel guilt. I don’t want to hurt Ally, and I also don’t want to lose her. My dad is right, though, and I know it. This is also what Ally was implying and expecting me not to do. I’m not saying I am; I truly feel something for her. All over and all the way inside. But am I able to hand over my heart to her, knowing the risk, and accepting that she could ultimately break me?
I’m a smart guy, but even I don’t know the answer to that.
Chapter Twenty-Five
Asher
“You are driving entirely too fast.”
I glance over at Stella, and she’s actually hanging on to the door handle as if I’m going two hundred instead of fifty-two. “I’m going the speed limit.”
She glances over at me, wide-eyed. “No, you’re going too fast.”
Emery giggles from the back. “Says the person who gets honked at all the time for going too slow.”
“Shut up, Em!”
My baby sister snickers as I pull into the mall parking lot. I don’t know what I was thinking when I asked them to go shopping with me. If I had my choice, I’d take Ally to dinner naked, but apparently that’s against the law in all fifty states. Really annoying. Because of this, I brought my sisters to help me pick out something for Ally.
I want tonight to be special. I don’t know if it was talking to my dad or what, but I want her to know I really care for her. Hell, I might even love her if she loved me. But just thinking that has me breaking out in a sweat. It may freak me out, but letting her go, or losing her, freaks me out even more. I need to figure this shit out. I need a little more time.
I pull into a spot and turn off the car. I glance over at Stella, watching her slowly let go of the side of the car like a damn frightened cat with its claws attached to something. “You all right there?”
She isn’t all right. “I don’t like how low this car is or how you drive.”
Emery pops her head in between us. “I thought it was awesome. Can I have this car when you get a new one?”
I give her a look. “I just got this one.”
“Yeah, but you’ll upgrade by the time I’m sixteen. So, I can have it, right?”
I blink. I could argue that it’s only a year and God help anyone on the road with her, but I just nod. “Yup.”
“Cool,” she gushes as she wiggles her shoulders. “So, what are we doing?”
Stella slowly grabs for her purse, and I ask, “I have a question.” They both look at me, and I’m nervous all of a sudden. Maybe I should have brought Aiden? But he isn’t here, so that’s the reason I didn’t call him. Also, he makes huge gestures to make girls feel good, like singing to them and shit. While I’m not about that life, I do want to do something for Ally. “Um, do girls like when you send them songs?”